friday now maybe a week or two later. back in tulsa after nyc and woodstock.  working hard on getting work work; starting to get a few nibbles in ny.  working in studio on small work for 10 towering artists next weekend.  hope to get them done.  otherwise good and enjoying spring.  xxoo c

wow; the next monday.  what a day; back in the studio with a vengeance; first kiln firing in about four months.  work is telling ME what to do, which is as it should be.  about loss, grief, and somehow (not sure how, but somehow) about the ultimate overpowering joy of being alive.  namaste.  xxoo c

tuesday; late enough to matter.  how can I say this?  i think, ultimately, that all religions are false.  even the ones i like.

oh, your friends with their fancy persuasions
won't admit that it's part of a scheme,
but I can't help but have my suspicions
'cause I ain't quite as dumb as I seem.

and you say you were never intendin'
To break up our scene in this way,
but there ain't any use in pretendin',
It could happen to us any day.

so how long has this been goin' on?
how long has this been goin' on?
how long has this been goin' on?

monday now; back into the groove of looking for work an d working in the studio; studio work is starting to feel relevant again; not so lost in the wilderness.  hope it continues.  xxoo c

been down today; depressed really.  recognized it, detached from it, but it's there.  continue to look for work work without an inkling of interest, weird.  at some point later in the day mr. b made the pronouncement, "it's a great life, isn't it?!" and yes, of course he is right.  beyond the obvious creature comforts, beyond being healthy, beyond happiness; there is a profound wonder in the very fact that you are alive. that i am alive.  wow.  and yet . . . sometimes, i still struggle, still grouse and complain.  there is duality for sure, light and dark, life and death.  i want to understand before the light goes out.  i want to make a difference, if there is such a thing.  my darker side fears that there is no such thing . . .my lighter side revels in the fact that it must be so. . .sigh. namaste.  xxoo c

ten days later.  spring is in the air, sunshine abounds, back in the studio.  working on a new series, tentatively titled "on the death of a friend".  smaller portraits so far.  doing some molds.  also looking for work work and learing quickbooks.  busy, but good.  namaste.  xxoo c

end of the month.  back after an extented absence; our friend died, unfortunately.  a beautiful person that will be missed.  feeling more centered after a turbulent month.  namaste.  xxoo c

valentine's day - the day of love.  lots of that to be sure, mr. b, comin' through, more ways than one, ya know.  but still, the sadness . . . our friend still in icu, touch and go, better, worse . . hoping for the best, and expecting the worst.  universe, prove me wrong, why don't ya??! show me that billy joel was fos . . the good ones don't always die young . . .  come through, damn it.  now would be a good time . . . namaste.  xxoo c

the next morning.  we have a friend that is very ill; been in icu now for almost a week.  i'm afraid it has me quite maudlin.  as much as i mentally can grasp concepts of nonattachment and living in the now, i am still sometimes overwhelmed by the ever present reality of death lurking.  bummer.  xxoo c

the 8th.  i'm not sure the serious drug addicts haven't been right all along; not the dabblers, mind you, i mean the hard core addicts.  they accept the ultimate meaninglessness of life, and drowned the ego in what it wants; total sensory immersion.  i get high, i get low.  but the extremes inform the middle; when i feel, i know i'm alive.  cessation of craving?! really? why?  life by nature is dualistic.  accept it.  accept the polarity.  and live, damn it, live.  i fear the rest of us are kidding ourselves.  xxoo c

the 5th, later.  well now that I've found this queen video i may not need to make any more art; this about sums up what i'm about.  hopefully maybe i'll serve as an emphatic "!" to a point already well made.  namaste.  check out the video here.

next month, day 5.  images for pieces are burnt into my consciousness, and since i've been away from the studio so long thing there will be a tsunami soon . . . ready to toke the leap and be raw with some pieces, or at least as raw as i can muster the courage for . . .stay tuned. xxoo c

day 29.  snowy big time, and some ice.  beautiful and blustery.  tomorrow escaping to sunny miami. xxoo c

day 28.  better today; just get a bit discouraged every once in a while.  part of life.  big storm coming in today; hopefully not too much ice.  namaste.  xxoo c

day 26.  what is the magic of our lives?  is there any?  sometimes i wonder how much delusion it takes to believe in such things.  and yet i continue to try . . . namaste.  xxoo c

day 25.  wha?!  hard to believe how the month flies, and yet seems like eons since the 6th.  but here we are, now.  working today on getting my website to be seen in the right font on all browsers; seemed to work at first, but now on my computer, no go.  so uploading my new blog post as a check.  these things are good for us, so we can practice presence.  don't get attached to the outcome ... right??  xxoo c

day 21(!).  great day today; not only was the weather beautiful, but had the great fortune of spending a few hours with other artists, and got inspired to get back in the studio; so easy to get out of the habit, what with the holidays, my big shew, and now looking for new work work . . . but still, that core need to create is ever present, and growing stronger.  soon, soon.  xxoo C

day 13.  sorry firefox users; didn't realize until today that there was any other browser but ie, but now i am enlightened.  hopefully you will see the improvements to the layout of the website.  otherwise lots of work work.  xxoo namaste.

day 11.  i received an email this evening from someone interesting in starting out in ceramics, asking for my advice of how to begin. it reminded me of starting out myself, and the uncertainty and excitement of it all.  fearful that i couldn't be any good, interested in the process. it reminded my of how my happiest moments over the past eight years have been when i am lost in the act of creation, and how it's necessary for me to start working again.  the studio beckons. . . can you hear it calling?  namaste.  xxoo c

day 7.  got rejected for a show today; reminds me about the buddha's teaching, roughly translated as "you can't always get what you wan't . . . and that isn't necessarily a bad thing."  namaste.  xxoo C

day 6. took the show down yesterday, and rehung the work in my studio.  what a great experience that was.  now on to more work, and getting my completed work in front of galleries/museums for consideration. fun.  namaste.  xxoo c

day 3. blizzzzard! bro and fam left today after great visit.  finished chronicling my recent gallery tour of chelsea; already been to 93 galleries; about half done with chelsea.  whew.  looking for some that might be a match for my work.  looking forward to getting back int he studio.  namaste.  xxoo c

day 1.  snowy, cold.  waiting on my niece, nephew, bro and sil.  reading about how to learn to paint.  expanding. namaste.  xxoo c

ok then.  last day of 2009; still today, as far as i can tell.  interesting and fun year.  i know i'm supposed to detach from time, but for a moment i'm compelled to look back; a full year of studio work, several shows.  yea, good stuff.  now onward.  today i will look out, see the world, and tell you what i see.  that is the work of an artist - i think.  and i will not stop until i have shuffled off this mortal coil. let us all live, now!  namaste.

friday december 11th.  long time no blog; lots going on last month; put up the big show, opening reception, lots of good feedback.  moved into nyc apt; hosted family and friends. got sick (bad cold).  using december to rest up before heading back out to the studio for more work.  very pleased with the way the installation came out; think it is compelling and interesting.  ready to create more and learn from doing so.  namaste.  xxoo c

friday november 20th.  ok people, this is it.  the last blog entry before the big shew.  after three or so tries and help from mr. b and sk, the art is on the wall, with pleasing results. incredible review in the woodstock times today; gratifying, for sure. so many ideas, manifested into clay and glass. to what end?  hmmm.  not sure about that, but no matter. . . sure is fun . . . namaste.  xxoo c

tuesday november 17. almost six pm. a year's work almost complete now; all the "art" is done, and now its just a matter of creating an exhibit out of it. eighty percent of work now at the museum, stacked on the floor of the solo gallery.  two of the large works left in the studio seem pretty lonely; they will join their brothers and sisters tomorrow.  i have a strong conception of how i want the show to look; of course this may change once i start laying the work out in the space.  but i'm hoping for a strong visual presentation that reinforces the themes of the work;  we shall see.  namaste.  xxoo c

sunday november 15th; six days before the big shew.  just after eight pm; blogging right before a hot bath and bed.  a bit down tonight; missing mr. b, number one, but also worn out from being sick; got a uti a few days ago and really has me beat.  final kiln load before the show came out without a hitch; last of the frames roughed out today; will finish tomorrow.  hang the show wednesday, and thursday if needed.  little bout of illness reminds me about my mortality, and how i really am not a fan of all that.  of course this is what the show is about; how do we make sense of our life knowing that it will end?  religion, philosophy, science, art; practically all, if not all, of human endeavors are dedicated to this one conundrum . . . it appears that there is only one way out; live now.  totally and completely now. everything else is madness. namaste.  xxoo c

wednesday november 11; last kiln load in today before my solo show; hard to believe the year has already passed, and the different direction my work has taken this year.  learned so much, and had a great time doing it.  i'm pleased with the work; it captures what was envisioned; although whether anyone else will get it is anybody's guess.  postcards are ordered, should go out monday.  catalogs ordered; hoping they get here in time for the opening.  feeling calm and excited at the same time, but not anxious.  a far cry from a year ago.  i think the message of the work may be sinking in . . . namaste.  xxoo c

whoa.  that last post about a month ago was kindof severe, no??!  anyway been awhile since i've posted . . . big shew coming up, and in some strange way seems as though it is already a(n)? historical event . . . main themes of show seem to be manifesting in real life . . .don't think, nothing matters, and the time is NOW!  mix of promo and finishing up the last pieces; and really, it doesn't matter.  it's just a little step in the evolution of mankind, if we are lucky.  namaste.  xxxooo c

saturday pm.  the real truth is that it doesn't matter if we live or die; only that we live while we have the chance.  namaste.  xxoo c

monday, still october.  last night in woodstock before returning to t town.  great sojourn in woodstock; film festival was great (saw four films); trip to nyc fun.  good studio time.  so great, great.  now a couple busy weeks ahead in tulsa; work work, con-ed, catalog for art show; finish a few additional pieces.  so gotta get busy.  one foot . . . namaste.  xxoo c

friday (!?)  later, about 9:30.  mr. b in bed about an hour now.  watched hell's kitchen on the computer; wanted to watch project runway but webcast not posted yet for this week.  cool fall day in woodstock; finished a couple of frames today, then went to woodstock film festival screening of "splinterheads".  suffered from too much of a good thing; great cast, lots of good comedy, but too long.  needed editign and a dose of rewrite.  but entertaining.  had the seeds of a great movie, just not there yet.  then this afternoon took pictures of my work; not the best, but not bad.  tomorrow will try again.  namaste.  xxoo c

wednesday.  fall has arrived in the catskills.  after breakfast this morning donned my plaid flannel shirt and my woolrich hat and headed out to the woods to chop wood.  mr. b is a pyro when it comes to fires in the franklin, so with autumn's first chill have to get out there and get er done.  the woods behind apples house always provide four or five dead trees a year, so always plenty of wood.  this afternoon got a couple of hourse of studio time in and got frames in process for "universal addiction" (originally concieved as "self portrait smoking crack", but it's morphed since then) and "mother and child".  hope to finish those tomorrow and continue with photos for exhibition catalog.  namaste.  xxoo c

monday.  early evening.  a rainy afternoon in woodstock; errands today, plus studio work.  glaze firing in kiln for last of "being" frame and redo of broken piece of "being".  contemplating work on  small full color brochure for show; located online publisher and ready to get started; need to try and get decent pics of big works.  start in on that tomorrow, plus work work and con-ed for cpa. ick.  cute bear deliman at the grocery store, (broad shoulders, full beard, earings, tattoos) asked if i used to be a wrestler; he was a wrestler, and thought i had kicked his ass in some competition a while back.  no such luck, i told him, then he gave me a free taste of the bologna.  in my fantasies i like to think it was a come on, but either way i was flattered. and the balogna was good. this was my day so far.  namaste.  xxoo c

thursday september 24th.  morning.  up late today; in bed by ten, but body wanted extra sleep.  so having coffee hour about two hours later than usual.  rain last night has been replaced by bright sunshine; trees seem to be turning their fall colors right before our eyes.  today back out to studio, hopefully to get a glaze firing in the kiln and finish work on the frame for "galileo".  tomorrow nyc for gypsy band concert and broadway.  whu hu!  xxoo c

wednesday,  woodstock.  after dinner, about 7:40.  dinner was grilled pork chop, green beans, corn.  yum.  listening to soft rock on xm; mr. b just now sitting down on the other futon.  oops.  lying down on the other futon.  a bit dark in here, which is normal.  mr. b likes mood lighting.  had to brighten lights so he could see his kindle.  great studio day.  started off by hanging "galileo" (sans frame).  then worked on mounting "being".  got the work done, just not on the wall.  then decided the frame for galileo should be blue, and being yellow, instead of the other way around.  this is how art works people.  eureka!  revelation.  blue! no yellow!  brilliant, brilliant.  anyway, have to say it looks better.   tomorrow hopefully finish galileo completely, and get last of being's frame in kiln.  oh, also patched the one tile for being that broke; only as a stopgap.  plan on making a new one, but need it for pics for brochure.  weather here is "cusp of autumn".  some color, but not much.  a bit warm today.  but . . . what?  yea, but fantastic.  namaste.   xxoo c

sunday night.  my time flies, doesn't it?  glaze load in kiln in advance of woodstock trip tuesday; will work on the pieces in now when we return in two weeks.  given three ideas for new pieces today; tentatively titled "across the road", "i cry for my self alone" and "do i disappoint you?!"  the third of these three needs to be finished for the solo show in woodstock.  other two can wait.  namaste.  xxoo c

monday the 14th.  great weekend; lunch celebrating mom's birthday yesterday renewed my love of family (not needed, but always good to be reminded).  my bro and sil appear from this perspective to be excellent parents (plus cool people in their own right), and the kids are, well, brilliant, of course.  nice to be a part of their lives.  today more work work, and the last of the show narrative in the kiln for the overglaze firing.  that will be it for the narrative.  la fin as they say in france. tomorrow more tiles. work it! work it!  namaste.  xxoo c

wednesday. sixish.  work crew still outside the house finishing up tree removal; two big oaks in the back. sigh.  should be done in about thirty minutes or so.  been at it all day.  today work work, with a jog and workout thrown in.  tomorrow more work work, and hopefully a laser transfer firing.  namaste.  xxoo c

monday, labor day.  beautiful weather in tulsa; jog and workout this morning; mid-day movie in a few minutes, about an artist who became known later in life.  hmmmmmm . . . anyway, probably some studio time after that.  working on a new tile, tentatively titled "the truth about the egoic mind".  namaste xxoo c

saturday september 5.  back in t-town; bisque firing cooling . . . last of the 4" tiles for the show narrative, now entitled "bohemian lament".  will consist of about seventy 4" tiles.  narrative poem based on the lyrics of bohemian rhapsody.  namaste. xxoo c

wednesday the second. whew. big studio day; had some breakage in last firing, which is what it is; will have to redo one of nine tiles for "being" . . . means four new firings.  oh well.  friend and artist extraordinaire e.g. came by tonight; we talked art, my show, etc.  i gave her the verbal low down on the concept; she seemed a bit cautious in her response; i'm thinking the big themes might be a bit too conceptual; but still i hope i can pull it all together.  i realize there is a difference between making love and masturbating, and i'm hoping i don't fall on the wrong side of that analogy . . . namaste.  xxoo c

tuesday, september 1.  beautiful catskill day; sunny and cool.  autumn is upon us.  spent the morning at the ford dealership; brakes acting up.  fixed now.  studio work this afternoon.  close to meeting goal for this trip; all five big pieces for shew complete.  two more days to get er done.  namaste.  xxoo c

monday.  mr. b back to t town.  simone and i left to create in the studio for three more days before joining him on friday.  learing about renaissance florence; the rule of the medici, the rise of boticelli, michealangelo, leonardo da vinci.  amazing.  finished "galileo" except for small amounts left of the frame.  finalizing frames for "achtung!" and "the blessing".  finalizing "being".  getting close to finishing big pieces for show.  namaste.  xxoo c

friday late.  about eight o'clock. light rain outside. dinner of pine nut/thai basil encrusted mahi mahi with reduced sauce of h'n'h, white wine and scallions (oh, and yes, butter), etc. etc.  love for mr. b abounding.  lots of work work today, not too much studio, but that is ok, what is is. so looking forward to saturday, and what that time may hold.  in the interim living in the now.  namaste.  xxoo c

later in the month; feel of autumn in the air.  traveled to clark museum today to see dove/o'keefe exhibit.  never a big fan of o'keefe, and didn't know anything about dove, but was an interesting show.  dove was a contemporary and influence on o'keefe, and i found most of his work in this show compelling.  abstract.  luckily the o'keefe's in the show excluded all of the skulls, which i do not like, and most of the flowers, which i also don't get excited about.  mostly earlier, more abstract works, which were all ok.  also to the williams college museum, which has the most eclectic, high end collection i've ever seen.  it's like they have one of everything.  one roman sarcophagus; one winslow homer, one picasso, one memling, one turner, etc. commanding breadth, if not depth.  great little museum.  highly recommend it.  my work is progressing; working on last of the big pieces; down to the overglaze firing for four and five.  a couple of more small pieces.  last bit of narrative.  wish me luck!  namaste.  xxoo c

early thursday morning.  downpour yesterday afternoon and subsequent cool air have moderated the temperature, and it is a pleasant 70ish or so; slight breeze and sunny.  second cup of coffee this morning.  ruminating on my tao reading this morning; succeed not by trying, but by being.  let the invisible and essential power of the toa work through you.  no striving required.  go with the flow you might say. the flow yesterday got in my fifth firing in  twelve days.  glazing this time.  today work on laser transfers and maybe frames.  whu-hu.  go baby go.  namaste.  xxoo c

well, i know it's tuesday.  august.  something.  otherwise not so sure.  great day.  started out with coffee, of course, then bacon, of course, then the unexpected . . . a scoot.  took the scooter out and communed.  with trees, bugs smashing on my goggles, sky, cold air.  coooool.  back for mostly a studio day.  decided to ask the universe for my frame for, um, what's it called?  "three faces" or "diamonds to rust (or the rise of galileo)".  well, whatever it's called sent out my first shout out to friends c & r and, HELLO (note the caps) universe said, cool, yea, we can do that.  so now i have what i think will be my frame.  still doing some brain chewing. but, yea, i think we can do that.  all the best, and, oh yea, namaste.  xxoo c

sunday august 8th.  rainy and cool here in woodstock; the summer that wasn't (so far).  no studio time today, although i did get a glaze firing in yesterday.  lots of ceramic work to get done during our month here.  hoping to finish all of the big pieces for the waam show before sept 5.  may be a tall order, but that is the goal.  bartlesville group show, UK/OK was fantastic; curator scott perkins did an outstanding job.  party was a madhouse, so looking forward to going back alone to examine the works in a quiet atmosphere.  glad to have been included.  work work tomorrow.  xxoo c

saturday august 1st.  already!  put mr b and miss simone on a jet plane this morning headed for woodstock; time for some contemplation in the mountains.  for me, i'm staying in tulsa until next saturday, in order to attend the exhibition opening for uk/ok, exploring traditions in contemporary design at the price tower art center, bartlesville, ok this coming friday, 5:30 to 7:30.  i'll have three works in the exhibition.  please join us if you can!  if you can't make the opening, remember that the show runs until jan 2010, so lots of time to take the drive to b'ville and check it out.

sunday the 19th.  well, quite a productive week in the studio.  looks like we might finally finish the tryptic "the blessing" - redo of one of the tiles came through second firing better than the first (duh, since the first one broke) but even the glazes turned out slightly better, soooo if we get through the overglaze firing should be home free.  also halfway through tryptic tentatively titled "decent into form" . . . needs overglaze, then finished.  also halfway through "achtung!" and glazing the tiles for the show narrative.  whew! i'm wearing myself out.  otherwise been half sick - allergies turned into kindof a cold.  but better now.  namaste to all!

thursday the 9th. back in tulsa after rainy two week sojourn in woodstock.  working on narrative tiles for show; bisque firing going now.  next up a riff on madonna and child; no name for it yet, but have a vision.  so i'll be working on that.  four weeks in uber-hot tulsa; tomorrow heat index of 106; yikes!

monday the 28th.  sun is shining, after several rainyish days.  beautiful morning.  work working this morning (waiting for computer to process data - so ok for me to blog).  think i've discovered fix for my transfer problems . . . having to reglaze and refire.  starting in on that today.  hopefully will be warm enough to get on the scooter today.  much fun.  went to nyc over the weekend and toured the met museum . . . treasures of ancient afganistan, francis bacon retrospective.  wasn't really familiar with bacon's work . . . dark, and i think ultimately unsatisfying.  mr. b liked it better than i did.  still chewing on it.  namaste.  xxoo c

friday june 18.  one week, seven days. hmm.  well, the week went well, i'd say; quite a bit of studio time . . . remade on of the panels for "the blessing", designed new tile "achtung!" and have it halfway glazed, and some work work too.  Would like to have one more piece designed and glazed before we leave wednesday, but that might be a bit much, since we are hosting fathers' day on sunday (oh, and my birthday, too).  namaste.  xxoo c

friday june 12.  hey posse; housitgoin?  busy studio week; cranking out some work.  "the blessing" came out of the laser transfer firing this morning; have to say i think this is my most comprehensive, interesting work to date.  one problem; one of the panels (it's a tryptic) broke during the firing; apparently a dunting problem, as the break is clean.  anyway, will need to do that one again.  part of ceramics, people.  gotta love it.  "boat ride is almost ready for overglaze firing; should happen tomorrow.  also working on new ideas for a piece called "decent into form".  having fun.  see ya.  xxoo c

monday. back in tulsa now; off to work in a few minutes.  good results on glaze firing while i was gone; worked on laser transfer embellishments for "the blessing" yesterday.  expect 04 firing probably tomorrow.  namaste.  xxoo c

sunday.  misting now in bah-ston.  late afternoon, or maybe early evening. glass of wine.  fruit.  flowers.  looking out of our thirteenth floor hotel window; to the left is the old north church, where paul revere warned of the incoming british invasion (no, not the beatles), to the right, the charles river and cambridge beyond.  stunning.  today the boston museum of fine arts, with an arresting collection of asian art, from antiquity through the twentieth century.  also an inspiring collection of ceramic objects; arts & crafts, modern japanese stoneware, renaissance majolica.  almost too much to take in.  i was interested particularly in fifteenth and sixteenth century depictions of the madonna and christ child; i think this is about to make it's way into some imagery for my art.  for those of you who can, come to boston.  it's quite a treat.  xxo c

may 29th friday.  in bah-ston; downtown.  across the street from samual adams gravesite and the franklin obelisk.  history abounds.  mr. b and i in town to celebrate twenty years together (talk about history!).  no joke - it's fab-u-lous.  the twenty years i mean.  plus this trip.  i'm happy to say we've grown together over this time, growing into middle age with a shared understanding of what life is, and at least a glimmer of our role in it.  the tombs of the patriots right across the street, juxtaposed with the groups of geeky teens taking it in; the thirty something lesbian couple walking around, and the (ah-hem) fifty something gay guys (read: us) wandering about too.  a continuum, one life then another, then the next.  really all just one experience i like to think.  hopefully contributing by being conscious, aware, alive.  ok, enough of my new age rant.  anyone want lobster for dinner?? xxoo c 

thursday the 22nd.  i've been in a conundrum for a couple of weeks, and haven't been posting.  as most of you know i've been a fan of the writings of eckhart tolle, and i think for good reason; they focus you (as does most buddhist writing) on the now, and accepting what is.  i still think this is a good thing.  but i'm also feeling that it is yet another explanation for the human experience; not really an "answer" per se, as much as a description.  if i had to guess i still think it's biological, that really it's just the two sides of our brain discussing life with each other.  not that this is a bad thing, it's just not as romantic as my right brain would like, and not as logical as my left brain would prefer.  so anyway, i still think my show idea of duality is a valid one, just maybe not one with a concrete answer i can issue to save the masses. oh well, well we all share the same conundrum and the same fate.  let's make the best of it shall we?? namaste.  xxoo c

thursday the 7th.  i've decided that "the night dolly parton was almost mine" is not my favorite broadway tune.  overglazed today; have a cone 017 firing going right now.  that means that by the time we leave woodstock on saturday i'll have completed one large portrait piece ("form"  44" square) except for the mounting, and also one smaller piece, "the crucifixion".  so overall a pretty good three weeks; not everything i thought i'd get done, but that's always the case.  as long as we are making progress, right?  namaste.  xxoo c

wednesday may 6th.  afternoon.  trying to be better about blogging after being called on the carpet by l.g.  last of "form" came out of kiln this morning from the transfer firing; smokin' baby.  now working on overglazing, then when we get back in a couple of weeks mounting and finis.  still have to figure out red glaze conundrum, but that is for another time. finished overglazing today on "the crucifixion" . . . trying a new overglaze wash technique for the nighttime sky.  unfired it looks pretty good.  we'll see after the firing how it turns out . . . hoping for an overglaze firing tomorrow night.  overcast today, reasonable temperature.  loving every minute.  namaste.  xxoo c

today is may 5th. i know this because i had a meeting with the director of the waam today to make sure my pieces would work properly for the big shew; no problems apparently. yea!  had a bit of a mishap this week with glazing; the laser transfer decals on the red of "being" burned out; i'd done this on the very same glaze in tulsa with decent results; but no go this time. iswhattitis,  so i've redone them, no biggie.  will have to do some additional testing to see what the remedy cone will be; burnouts occur when you fire too hot.  otherwise pretty good; fighting some ego problems, which is a part of the evolution, i guess.  when i talk about ego i mean it in the sense of eckhart tolle's books; ego is a dysfunctional relationship with the present moment.  ego is the idea of a separate "I"; it  is the result of living through the memories of the past, or expectations of an imagined future.  major caca.  this is a common human state; it is also dysfunctional. i am, yes, but i am not separate from you or from anything else.  we are all one organism, one consciousness (or unconsciousness, ha!) so by recognizing the dysfunction, by living fully present in this moment, we subsume ego into being, and thus become sane and one with everything.  we realize there is no "I"; only the one, eternal consciousness.  no joke.  true or not, it makes for better living.  namaste.  xxoo c

hello all.  i have no idea what the date is, so let's say it's the 27th?  evening.  had a full week of my studio "intensive" . . . here alone in woodstock to contemplate, think, create.  marvelous.  spring in full bloom; tulip trees, forsythia, daffodils.  inspirational.  got quite a bit done on the imagery for the two big portraits for the solo show.  haven't decided for sure on any titles, but right now one is "form" and the other one is "being".  i'm exploring how we order our world by creating dualities; this and that, you and me, right and wrong.  imagery is meant to evoke that.  so i've compiled over four hundred images to transfer to the tiles, of course all under the "fair use" rule ;).  so really exploring what it means to be alive, to confront our own mortality, to simply be.  mr. b and simone joined me today; great joy.  i love them both so much. and you too.  i wish you love and peace.  namaste.  xxoo c

04/18/2009 saturday.  on the cusp of a trip to woodstock; one week of studio intensive followed by two weeks with mr. b and simone.  looking forward to it.  this week was all about the studio; nearly finished glazing "the blessing" which some of you saw in the design phase during the studio tour.  next week try to finish the two large portraits in wdstck.  namaste.  xxoo c

04/13/2009 monday pm.  just finished dinner; sausage with creamed peas and baked sweet potatoes; yum.  finally back in the studio today.  i've been a bit antsy over the last week; first had the studio tour, which was great but took me away from actual creative work,then last week was all work work.  and for some reason good habits are easy to break; once out of the studio was easy to lay around eating bon bons and watching reality tv.  so this morning was the bugle call; up an hour early and after two strong cups of coffee back into the studio.  working on "the blessing", a three tile triptych (hmm . . . guess that is repetitive).  got the design done today and transferred to tiles; waxing now. go, baby go! namaste xxoo c

04/07/2009 tuesday late.  well, finally got the new email addresses posted into windows mail; i think nearly everyone joined my email list. will try and send out a thank you tomorrow to everyone who came by.  lots of work work today; with the tour over the weekend and work work this week (not to mention taxes!) haven't been in the studio much; getting a bit antsy.  but to each thing its season, and i know i'll be back at it sooner rather than later.  namaste.  xxoo c

04/06/2009 late monday now. mr. b took me out to celebrate the tour; continue to be blown away by how much fun and connection was made through the event.  live now, enjoy, be . . . it works.  namaste.  xxoo c

04/05/2009 later. wow. great studio tour.  i thought i'd enjoy it, but i had no idea.  everyone gracious, most people interested.  way fun.  what i'm learning right now; when i don't have to be anyone in particular, i become everyone in particular.  yea, freaky i know, but way true, and way cool.  namaste.  xxoo c

04/05/2009 sunday.  second day of studio tour; colder and blustery.  yesterday over 125 through studio in five hours; fun explaining the various processes to interested people!  sold a lot of the smaller stuff on display.  vocal cords will get another workout today, but a fun one!  namaste.  xxoo c

04/01/2009 wednesday midday.  simone's aunt j. is here cleaning; we are listening to mr. b's yes albums (internet was out, and since it's on why not?) and i'm getting everything together for this weekend's art studio tour.  going to try and make it as informative and fun as i can; door prize, free magnets, etc.  got all of my work rehung, after installing "point of contact" which i'm glad to say is completely finished!  whu-hu!! (i know some of you prefer the spelling "woo-hoo" but to each his own).  Overall the piece is about 90" wide and 40" tall (three pieces total).  biggest work i've ever created.  pleased.  will try and post some pics in the next several days.  namaste.  xxoo c

03/30/2009 monday am.  another kc morning; not because i'm down, but her voice is so soothing, and i'm such a bad waker-upper (is that a word?) i need something easy to slip into the day, which happens to be my brother's 41st!  he is really a beautiful person, with a beautiful family.  wish i knew him a bit better than i do, but that's how life is sometimes.  great studio weekend; "point of contact", which is one of my large pieces for the upcoming solo show, is almost 100% complete.  will be after today.  a bit concerned about the stability of the hanging job i did; it is mounted on plywood, which is hanging on nails; seems really secure, but i'm still nervous.  tiles are rather heavy, you know.  bless the beasts . . .namaste xxoo c

03/25/2009 wednesday.  wow.  well, firstly emptied my overglaze firing, everything great.  have two more pieces in tonight for overglazing. but . . . strangely down today. ego started kicking in . . . on the negative side.  as in "what if this $s#!+ is no good?"  "oh yea, right, so you're an artist".  etc. etc.  strange thing, ego; kicks in on both the positive and negative sides.  after all, aren't they both sides of the same coin??  if the conversation is about me being great or me being lousy, the conversation is still about ME.  so, when that happens, little i tries to remember that i am more and less than i think; more in the sense of being part of a great, glorious, magnificent existence, and less in that that whole concept of big I is so tired (!).  makes me laugh.  so live beyond the endless chatter of your mind, and be free.  namaste.  xxoo c

03/24/2009 tuesday am.  rainy, wet.  pretty.  taking the opportunity to enjoy a k.c. morning (talkin' to myself and feelin' old . . .).  thinking about reconciling form and being, that age old exercise in in which the consciousness, realizing he lives in a temporal body, tries to make sense of the situation.  religion, spirituality, hedonism; all trying to accomplish the same objective.  this morning i've decided we need to stop trying to make sense of it, because it's simply an exercise in futility.  live in the mystery, now, and enjoy!  i think that about sums it up.  namaste.  xxoo c

03/16/2009 monday.  sorry guys, now that i'm back you'll get a lot more of me.  late now, after ten; been spending time of facebook.  fun.  refining the "poem" that i anticipate will be the backbone of my solo show.  no "real" studio time today because of work work, but that's ok.  it's all good.  weather in tulsa today was glorious.  spring has sprung.  namaste.  xxoo c

03/15/2009 sunday.  spent the bulk of this weekend working on the narrative to my show; eckhart tolle says that artists work from beyond the mind, whether they know it or not.  seems like that was true for me this weekend.  the idea, the process, the result, all came from somewhere beyond thought, beyond "me".  so i take that as a good thing. namaste. xxoo c

03/14/2009. saturday.  ok, well then.  ahem.  well, back in the saddle, as they say, after an extended absence.  none the worse for it, i must say.  st. pete is beautiful, and a great respite from winter.  but back now, and glad for that too.  back in the studio and working on "point of contact".  glazing is done, all is well.  now working on poem for overglaze effects.  pleased.  working from beyond the mind (i think . . . ha!) and so results coming together.  will be what it is.  namaste.  xxoo c

03/03/09 tuesday midday.  on the eve of trip to st. petersburg; will meet up with friend from first grade; should be fun.  third kiln firing in ten days now cooling; so for month of february (i'm rounding) total of six firings, which is a lot).  first half of "point of contact" came out great; second half in now.  remake of broken piece for "the time is now" also complete.  when back from florida it will be all about laser transfers and overglazing.  no access to website next week, so i'll see you in a week or so.  namaste.  xxoo c

02/23/2009 monday.  lots of work work today.  back in tulsa; and enjoying it.  waiting on several greenware tiles to dry some more before bisque firing. nice email today from art professor in idaho; also exhibiting in art & clay 35 and checked out the website.  nice to get feedback from other artists; keeps the wheels turning.  namaste.  xxoo c

02/21/2009.  saturday, about 8:15.  i'm realizing how difficult it is for me to type on a laptop in a dark room.  fire is going; lights are dim; chill is on the xm.  just finished dinner; an amalgam of what was left in the fridge before going home to tulsa; chicken breasts, fish, sweet potatoes.  i've had a few glasses of wine; buzzed but not drunk.  maybe saving that for later.  thinking about joy and sadness; full of both now.  i think this is most likely the natural state of man (and woman),  at least when we are fully conscious.  the joy of life is overwhelming; beauty, the miracle of being alive.  wow.  also sadness;  death, disease; did i mention death?  anyway, it is what it is.  and we need to learn to accept both the joy and the sorrow.  make it one with who we are;  too often we reject both; either might be too painful.   so we settle for neither.   i think we need to reach for both ends, to experience life, and ultimately death, fully.  otherwise what is the point??  namaste.  xxoo

 c.02/20/2009 friday.  not too late.  wow.  quite the week.  i'm sure a lot of this is perception (isn't everything?), but i feel like i've gotten an inordinate amount done this week.  nice for a change; usually my bias is that i never get enough done.  but this week i've done a lot of work work, plus gotten three kiln firings completed, plus finished several frames . . .i'm too the point that i'm about to get more done than even i thought i would.  strange.  of course everything takes as long as it takes, and so much of life is making unrealistic expectations; perhaps i'm actually starting to align the possible with what is?!?  wouldn't that be a nice change . . .namaste.  xxoo c

02/17/2009 tuesday. after ten.  just back in from studio; second glaze firing of the week in the kiln.  goal is to complete three glaze firings before leaving woodstock on sunday.  so far it's smokin'(not literally, just a turn of phrase).  with the opening of the kiln today second large work for show completed the glaze phase; nine panel "portrait" with ceramic frame.  all together should measure about 44 inches square.  first of two such "portraits".  next phase will include laser transfer application and then possibly overglazing.  all in all each piece may see up to four firings.  having a blast.  if all goes well by end of week will have three large pieces finished with the glaze cycle; one large work in the post-bisque glazing phase, and one more still in my mind's eye.  all in all five large scale wall works for the show.  want to have all of these completely done by the beginning of summer; then work on smaller pieces to round out theme.  having a blast; oh, already said that.  namaste.  xxoo c

02/13/2009 friday pm. made it to woodstock, albeit five hours late.  no message from nwa, so dutifully reported to airport at five am; flight cancelled, blah blah blah.  bottom line we are here in great shape and had PIZZA for dinner.  mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.  is there anything better than spelt pizza in front of the fire, listening to frank sinatra and drinking locally grown organic wine??  i think not.  surveyed ny studio earlier; can't remember what i'm doing from one day to the next, much less one month . . . anyway, doing two large "portrait" pieces, both about forty-eight inches square.  first two thirds of first one (are you with me?) came out of the kiln.  looks good.  second one is bisqued and traced, in process of applying first coat of underglaze.  three frames for existing pieces in mid-production, and two smaller pieces that have been glazed but need application of laser transfers and overglaze.  whew!!!!!  need to get busy.  wish me luck!  namaste.  xxoo c

02/12/2009 thursday pm.  on the verge of a trip to woodstock.  looking forward to it; seems like it has been a while since we've been to the groovy capital of the world.  work work has been taking up inordinate amounts of my time; i've been handling it pretty well, actually, where before i'd have been upset becasue of the lack of studio time, i'm taking it in stride.  i understand i'm lucky to make my art at all, so i'll adjust and do what i can do.  laid out several new slabs to dry while we are gone.  already have several ideas for show that need to be realized!!!  get to work, man, get to work.  namaste.  xxoo c

02/10/2009 tuesday.  well, not posting here as much; i've thought about it the last few days, but not a whole lot of inspiring words to relate to the broader universe.  raining now in tulsa; doors open, mild; beautiful really.  after ten, so mr. b in bed. i've done a bit of working in the studio.  work work has taken up most of my days lately, so afraid studio time has been a bit less than i'd like, but i'm doing what i can.  working on third big piece for solo show; point of contact. all in all will measure about four feet by ten feet.  a take on the sistine chapel.  namaste.  xxoo c

02/04/2009 wednesday.  been thinking about the recession; starting to look like a depression to me.  something people of our generation have never had to face; plus we are so accustomed to comfort and privilege in america; hmmmm.  could be a rough go.  but what is is what is, and we just have to live now and accept it; take action where appropriate, honor life, etc. etc. may learn a thing or two.  namaste.  xxoo c

02/01/2009 sunday. back from vegas, and have to say i'm glad.  had a fine time and all, but hard to shake the feeling you're on vacation at the mall.  and soooo expensive.  didn't seem to keep the crowds away.  budgeted ten dollars for gambling; specifically to win sixteen million.  my strategy failed, but i did get about an hours worth of entertainment out of my ten bucks.  so that was ok.  now back at work in studio; glaze firing underway, finishing up frames.  life is good.  namaste.  xxoo c

01/26/2009 got word over the weekend that my work "stigmata" was selected for inclusion in "ink and clay 35" at california poly u.  excited to start seeing my work exhibited; at first making art was extremely personal, and really still is, but i do want to be able to share these ideas with others.  if the art just sits in my studio, it may be awhile before anyone sees it. so rather than wait until i'm dead, i'm making a concerted effort to get the work out there. plus it's fun.  namaste.  xxoo c

01/24/2009 saturday.  snl just came on the tube.  rerun.  mr. b to bed several hours ago.  i watched the end of a gay comedy murder mystery (spanish with subtitles), spectacle with rufus wainwright; then chatted on facebook with my new/old friend m.e. while ice skating played on the t.v.  typical saturday.  now thinking about how great it is to be alive.  whu-hu!  namaste.  xxoo c

01/22/2009 thursday late.  sorry so long since my last post; firstly things weren't all that interesting, what with so much work work, then it got exciting with the election and all.  so now things back to a more normal scenario.  two great days in the studio; have two big pieces in the works; "point of contact" and "the now".  both are progressing nicely.  i've been connecting with old friends on facebook.  high school stuff.  fun, but also kindof wierd.  i don't really remember that much from high school; didn't think it was my finest moment, and frankly revisiting the specifics of its history is a bit boring.  but connecting with those people who have a shared history, and seeing what they are up to now is fun.  so many different paths, struggles, accomplishments.  hmmm.  namaste.  xxoo c

01/18/2009. sunday pm.  i took a chance this weekend and reconnected with an old high school friend on facebook; i got his friend invite and i was reticent, only because i knew this friend to be very religious (we share a southern baptist background) and felt that he would be judgmental about me being gay . . . but i considered my latest musings about love and fear, that with the possible exception of fear that keeps you out of physical danger, all fear is detrimental and to be avoided, and the only response to a situation in which you feel fear is to press ahead.  so i did, and much to my surprise it has been a most enlightening couple of days.  turns out my friend's sister is gay, and has been going through many of the same experiences i had after coming out.  turns out i'm able to teach him a bit about that experience, and he's taught me that fear is only in our mind; it is the manifestation of the illusion of separation; when we remember that we are really all one, that there are no real boundaries, then we have nothing to fear at all.  so fear not my friends . . . love is bound to truly conquer all.  namaste.  xxoo c

01/15/2009 thursday.  i'm accepting the fact that i have a cold.  uggh.  otherwise ok.  no studio time this week, but i was expecting that so it is ok.  i'm hopeful that the weekend will provide the time to get some things done.  really nothing else going on.  namaste.  xxoo c

01/13/2009 tuesday.  well, no real studio time today; lots of work work.  but it's ok, it all feeds into the "one".  so not to worry.  hopefully will get through the bulk of it this week so i can redouble efforts in studio. to everything (turn, turn, turn) . . . xxoo c

01/12/2009 monday.  i received the nicest email today from j.m in australia; she had happened upon my website and it helped to reinvigorated her interest in making art . . . she had been a ceramist many years before, but life had interrupted her creative output, just as it had mine for many years. i believe everyone is truly an artist, it's just that most people refuse to believe it. and of course art comes in many forms, not just visual or creative arts.  ultimately your life is the only work of art that matters anyway; everything else is just a token of the journey.  so get to work!  namaste.  xxoo c

01/10/2009 saturday.  notified today my work wasn't selected for a show i'd submitted to; not sure my work really fit the paramaters of the show, but it was worth the effort.  you just never know.  also, it's impossible that every submittal will be accepted.  so i'll just keep doing what i do.  namaste.  xxoo c

01/06/2009 tuesday.  still not used to typing 2009; seems incredible.  when i was in first grade i thought about the year 2000 (am i repeating myself?).  anyway, i thought how wierd that would be.  but now it's 2009; then i'll wake up and it will be 2015, if i'm lucky 2025. then ?? not a good idea to project into the future.  training myself to live now; but it's hard sometimes.  only because i make it so.  really there isn't anything else, is there?  another great studio day.  were they all so.  ethiopian fish tonight.  hopefully a "yum" . . . dinner about 30 minutes away.  hope you (read: me) live now, not tomorrow or yesterday.  because we have nothing else.  namaste.  xxoo c

01/05/2009.  wow. monday evening.  close to a perfect day; full day in studio, followed by cocktail hour, then ba-da-boom, then pizza.  does it get any better??  my facebook friend m.t. summed it up with his status filing today; life is groovy.  namaste.  xxoo c

01/02/2009 friday.  new year, whatever that means.  totally human construct.  truth is it's now, always.  anyway, enough of the esoteric stuff.  waiting on our friends r & c to come up from the city; going to lunch (probably vegan) then we head down to the city.  swapping places for the weekend.  tonight liza . . . with a z.  tomorrow opera.  surely the met museum is somewhere in the weekend. xxxoo c.

12/30/2008 tuesday.  day of errands today.  a bit dissapointed in the amount of studio time today.  did a bit, but not nearly enough.  daily life seems to take up so much time; really have to be jealous of art time, otherwise it evaporates into thin air.  so i'll try again tomorrow.  namaste.  xxoo c

12/29/2008 monday.  whu-hu!  learned today i don't have prostate cancer.  whew.  hopefully that ends this year's roller coaster ride of medical maybes and thank gods(!).  so that bit's over.  i do have prostatitis, which is treatable with antibiotics and anti-inflamitories. so yea.  can't say i'm not immensely relieved.  hope every day comes with such good news.  namaste.  xxoo c

12/28/2008. sunday.  around eight.  mr. b just off to bed; contemplating finding an eartha kitt movie on netflix to watch, in honor of her recently ended life.  fun day; up at 8:15 or so, coffee, toast, jog, make cornbread and salad for lunch, shower, friends over for festive lunch, studio, spaghetti dinner, fire, now.  got a couple of hours in the studio laying out more tiles for second "portrait" for show.  first batch in kiln after bisque firing, ready to take out and start glazing.  still have a couple of tiles in mid-flight; self-portrait 2008 (smoking crack) and the crucifixion (after hendrick ter brugghen)have been glazed, but need both laser transfer applications and overglaze.  i'd like to have those done before we leave new york, but may be unrealistic.  one foot . . . xxoo c

12/27/2008 saturday after nine.  thinking about life in a world of such unspeakable sorrow; friend's lovers and brothers committing suicide; children murdered by schizophrenic neighbors; family incinerated by ex-husband in santa suit; genocide, war, poverty, death. but also a world of great joy. . . christmas with family; snow covered trees; petting the dog, just being with mr. b.  art, music, happiness.  wonder.  hmmm.  don't know what to think.  perhaps the key is not to think, really, at all.  accept what is and just be. act when appropriate. really probably the only thing; not sure. oh well.  now to bed.  namaste.  xxoo c

12/26/2008 friday later.  day of traveling; in woodstock now, snowy and cool.  bisque firing ready to go when i left, so that's started now.  first big piece for show.  renovations (nearly) complete on apples house, new floors, rugs, shower.  looks great.  looking forward to two weeks of mostly studio work.  namaste.  xxoo c

12/25.2008 christmas.  great day with family.  new pics on new stuff page.  sorry pics aren't that great; in a hurry.  better pics later. tomorrow to woodstock and more studio work. wishing you much joy.  xxoo c

12/24/2008 christmas eve.  after ten.  santa should be here in a few; otherwise hectic day, lots of work work.  determined to finish last few tiles of 2008; five new works complete except for framing.  wow.  thinking of how far this year has brought me . . . health problems, yes, but otherwise great year.  very blessed and excited.  now can only be the best time.  namaste.  xxoo c

12/19/2008 early evening.  generally puny today, but enough about that.  more good news on the arts front: contacted by price tower arts center curator of exhibitions; wants to include my work in an upcoming exhibit, UK/OK, comparing and contrasting contemporary british and oklahoma artist involved in design and "high craft" (i guess that's where my work comes in).  not sure why OK and UK need to be compared, but why not??  anyway, thrilled to be asked and of course participating.  so 2009 is shaping up to be my breakout year for art, at least in the exhibition category.  i think 2008 was my breakout year as far as artistic expression; learning to act without thinking, to accept ideas and produce them without the filter of judgment.  better work as a result, and, i think, as a result of that more interest in the work. just hoping that the voice i've been given can be heard, and that it is a true one.  namaste.  xxoo c

12/18/2008 thursday.  whew.  made it through the biopsy.  feel like this blog is becoming a soap opera, so hope this is the last entry about my failing health.  for those of you thinking about having a prostate biopsy for fun: don't.  ok now though.  results in a couple of weeks.  on the artistic front, just agreed to be on the ovac studio tour april 4 - 5.  okies mark your calendars.  have a laser transfer firing going in the studio.  ahh, the smell of organics burning . . . you fellow clay fiends may understand what i'm talkin' 'bout.  namaste.  xxoo c 

12/17/2008 wednesday night.  tomorrow morning is my biopsy; was fretting over it, but later today (after having bought my super sized fleet at walgreens) i decided is was worth a good laugh.  we can't always change our circumstances, but we can change how we respond to them.  worry and mental suffering is always a choice; i choose the opposite and hope for the best.  namaste.  xxoo c

12/16/2008 tuesday pm.  not too late.  work worked all day today; opened the kiln when I got home; 3 out of 5 pieces turned out fine; one crawled too much (may be fixable) and fifth one broke.  fifth one was a redo of "waving the flag" which i'm loath to give up on; really like the design, so guess i'll give it a third try.  found out my facebook friend m.t. had sent me a second tile, "breathe" which luckily he mentioned in a message; i dug through the trash and found it.  sometimes it's the unexpected kindnesses that are needed and cherished the most.  message came at a particularly opportune time for me, and the kindness really touched me.  a lesson to pass it on.  namaste.  xxoo c

12/15/2008 monday pm.  lots of work work this week; the woman i work with at work left today, so i'll help pick up the slack for the rest of the week.  in the small world category, got my m.t. tile in the mail today (check out his work at www.namasteworks.etsy.com), then walked into a friends house later to see another m.t tile!!  as it turns out, my friend is also on facebook and saw me comment on m's work last week, liked it and ordered something.  so fun fun.  all the best.  namaste.  xxoo c

12/13/2008 saturday pm.  four days behind imaginary studio schedule; today waxed fifth tile for glaze firing.  tomorrow will glaze it and by tomorrow evening we'll have a glaze firing underway.  tonight dinner with good friend dr. c; always fun.  he agrees with me on the big picture stuff; religion, possible relevance of sentience, etc.  so always a fun conversation.  otherwise a bit overwhelmed by specter of prostate biopsy; want to be unaffected by it, but not.  so good tool for learning.  tomorrow more art, more life.  namaste.  xxoo c

12/11/2008 thursday pm.  i've been fighting computers this evening; found out my website had been infected (via the host server) with malware that redirected anyone accessing my site through google, yahoo, etc. to a third webpage where it continued to replicate itself.  fabulous.  can't imagine how thrilling it must be for these hackers to create such beauty in the world.  sigh.  anyway, think we have that one fixed.  then the laptop crashes (and why not??).  so that's still up in the air.  i've been revisiting the teachings of eckhart tolle; particularly related to the illusion of time, and how the idea of self is tied to either revisiting memories of the past or projecting an imaginary future, and by doing so avoiding the only real point of contact . . . the now.  fascinating and, as it seems to me, very accurate.  even if it isn't literally true (and who can ever determine that?), it seems to allow me to live better now, and for that reason alone it seems worth the leap.  so i encourage you to check it out.  namaste.  xxoo c

12/8/2008 monday.  busy day.  woman at work quit today; probably means more work work for me, at least in the short term.  pretty good studio day.  waxing the redo of "waving the flag".  first one broke.  also got a tripod to try and do my ad photos; everything semms to take so much time.  one foot . . . namaste. xxoo c

12/7/2008 sunday pm.  working steadily in studio; finished studio floor today; looks great.  a friend came over to go out to dinner and saw the floor and said "how did you do that?"  glad it turned out so well. kindof checkerboard black concrete.  strangely cool and industrial looking.  decided i'd go buy a tripod and try to do my own photos for the l&l kiln ad; have several ideas, and really i'd like to realize them myself if possible.  another chance to play :).  goal is to have 5 pieces ready for glaze firing by tuesday pm.  wish me luck.  namaste.  xxoo c

12/6/2008 saturday nine pm.  mr b watching the big 12 championship.  ou is looking good at halftime.  spent most of today tearing out the old linoleum in the studio; floor had been there since the sixties, and most of it was brittle and flaking off.  looked really gross. was working on the setup for the l&l kiln photos, and got sidetracked on tearing out the floor.  but it will be worth it; already looks better.  in other studio news finished waxing the partner to "my antediluvian baby" . . . decided she needed a boyfriend.  so am making a studly male companion for her.  not sure what to call him yet; considering "my antediluvian stud" but not settled on that yet. doesn't seem quite right.  anyway, glad to get a bit done.  more tomorrow.  namaste.  xxoo c

12/5/2008 friday.  today unloaded bisque firing. no cracks at all.  was thinking how great my l&l kiln was; decided i should let them know, so i did.  wrote an email to the company extolling the benefits of their product.  got an email back suggesting an ad featuring my work and my letter; how cool is that?!?  not a done deal yet, but going to take some pics this weekend and forward to them and see.  so makes me feel good about spreading the love; if someone does good let them know.  its own reward, yes, but sometimes might come right back atcha.  love.  peace. etc.  xxoo c

12/4/2008 later.  thanks to all my loyal website visitors and blog readers!  just discovered i was the ninth most popular site in the world related to stoneware, the sixteenth most popular ceramics blog, and the twenty-sixth most popular buddhist blog (although i'm not sure that is a totally accurate description).

overall, craigwoodstudios.com is the 16,780,307th most popular website in ALL THE WORLD!  (with apologies to keith olbermann). whu-hu!!! not sure how they rank these things, but i'll take what i can get.  namaste!  xxoo c

12/4/2008 thursday.  well, finally got the website in reasonable order after a few days of problems.  took some working through, but learned a lot.  so back to the blog. health concerns continue; learned yesterday that i have a 30% chance of having prostate cancer; biopsy scheduled later in the month.  the way i look at it, there is a 70% chance i don't have it, so that's a good thing.  serves as yet another reminder to live in the moment, to disassociate from the workings of my mind, to understand that time is an illusion.  no future; no past; just this moment.  so waste no time (!) regretting the past or fearing the future.  just be. now.  namaste.  xxoo c

11/30/2008 sunday afternoon.  gray, snowy day.  just up from a short catnap.  still cavorting with good friends; everyone to leave tomorrow.  b.t. asked today at lunch if i cold describe the concept for my show; i declined.  there is something about verbalizing an unfinished work that is uncomfortable for me.  in times past i think it was insecurity; but now it seems like something much different.  it's as though the art needs its own space, separate and apart from words in order to gestate properly and take form in the physical world.  i think art (for me anyway) only feels true if it comes from beyond the mind . . .to talk about it brings it into the world of thought, and it changes things.  it becomes about me creating it, rather than the creation itself.  feels like a betrayal of trust.  the final piece is an act of sharing, but the process of creation is intensely personal.  so, no don't like to talk about it too much.  hmm.  anyway that's what i think at this moment.  namaste.  xxoo c

11/23/2008 sunday late.  feeling a bit mortal tonight; suppose that isn't a bad thing.  mild health complaints slowly abating.  bruise from angiogram starting to fade.  pressed forward with laying out tiles for large scale portrait today (36 x 36 with 4 inch border frame).  one of two planned for show.  to describe it would sound silly so i'll just let it be what it is without explanation.  looking forward to thanksgiving week with good friends, some of which are on their way.  fun times anticipated.  peace and love to everyone.  xxoo c

11/22/2008 saturday pm.  well.  first order of business is to make good on my shout out to the lukester (oh yeah, i'm namin' you this time mister!).  helped with the mindf#%k that is setting up new computers.  if you will allow me to rant for a moment, microsoft SUCKS.  you know i mean it if i use caps in my blog.  enough said.  anyway, got the new computers up and running in woodstock.  in the interim from my last post have been afflicted with strange generalized itching; coming as it did a week after my angiogram (am i a mess or what?) i immediately assumed it was a reaction to something they gave me during the procedure; maybe yes, maybe no.  anyway, still going on, but manageable.  at full bore it was nearly unbearable.  like poison ivy but all over.  did some internet research and know i would be dad by week's end.  don't believe everything you read on the internet.  anyway, studio time has been sparse. although creative ideas have been flowing, feel like i've been given a theme for the show, and just going for it.  trying to think as little as possible; just gets in the way.  so, while mr. b listens to ou beat the s#*t out of texas tech, i'm blogging.  life is good.  namaste.  xxoo c

11/16/2008  sunday later (almost ten!).  well, another weekend has passed,  beautiful weather today, unseasonably warm.  spent the day working on frames in the studio.  watched president-elect obama on 60 minutes.  always thought that tick-tick-tick sounded like a scolding of some kind.  anyway, barack and michelle gracious, poised, together.  what a radical change from our current prez . . . whew.  wishing him all the best.  otherwise tomorrow trying to lay out some tiles for drying while in woodstock, also work work.  namaste.  xxoo c

11/14/2008 later.  i've been participating in facebook, and it's got me to thinking; seems like there is a particular social construct that is expected, even in the realm of cyberspace . . . civility, limits, etc. . . all well and good.  but what about when you are down, low, beyond social expectations . . . these are unacceptable, even in the most modest of social circumstances. there seems to be this barrier, this divide, that constricts connecting on that level.  no one wants to hear that reality in another, even when sensing it in oneself.  too personal.  not that i usually find myself in such places, no. no. but still. . . these are the most private of moments, not to be bridged.  namaste.  xxoo c

11/14/2008 friday.  wow.  it's been a whole year since i started this blog.  amazing! and mr. b hasn't read a word of it yet.  scares him (he he).  not sure what he thinks he will find.  anyway, sore and bruised today from the angiogram . . . brochure said this would happen.  limping around like an invalid.  on the studio front, had two of five new works bust in the kiln; think it was clay problems, so i've imported my new york clay for 100% consistency.  better that than 40% failure rate.  so tomorrow back in studio.  yea!  namaste.  xxoo c

11/12/2008 wednesday.  aok!  alive and well, no problems with the ol' ticker.  best possible result.  tired and a bit sore, but otherwise none the worse.  to bed now, then tomorrow back to making some art.  namaste to all.  xxoo c

11/11/2008 tuesday.  hmmm . . . well . . . went to cardiologist today, was told my stress test was inconclusive.  section of my heart "may" not be getting enough blood flow.  only way to know for sure is angiogram (sp!).  sooo, having that tomorrow at nine am.  best case scenario, nothing is wrong, go on about my business.  most likely, have to have a stent or angioplasty, worst case (very unlikely) i'll die.  but isn't that the scenario every day?  couldn't i wake up tomorrow, unknowing, and die by bus, plane or car?  as with everything, we live daily in the realm of the "unlikely". just sometimes that reality becomes less acute, a bit less "unlikely", until finally the unlikely gives way to the likely, to the probable, the inevitable.  and that's a great lesson. we will all die, at least this thing we call the "self" will die (what's with all the quotation marks?!?).  there will be, in fact, the night before, then a moment where this little life will be no more. i hope (and most probably) the "night before" for "craig edward wood" is not tonight (there go those quotations again!).  too much art to create, too much love to give to mr. b, to my family and friends.  just too much.  sooo, i ask your forgiveness for my drama queen moment, but i also ask for you to live, today, fully, now, completely.  the true measure of a life well lived.  namaste.  xxoo c   ps mr. b is da bomb! (just in case . . .)

11/10/2008 monday.  appointment with cardiologist at ten am tomorrow; no idea why, except there must have been something in my stress test that 1) wasn't normal and 2) wasn't life threatening.  i assume it wasn't life threatening or i'd be in the hospital having open heart surgery by now.  so, taking to heart (pun intended) my mantra of surrendering to what is (thanks eckhart!) i've decided not to jump to conclusions and expect the worst; truth is i don't know what the problem is or may be, so why get worked up about it?  we'll know the scoop tomorrow morning, and that's what is.  namaste.  xxoo c

11/09/2008 sunday evening.  mr. b just went to bed; a bit after eight local time.  got five new tiles in the kiln for glaze firing; all but one will need additional firings, but its a good start!  the knowledge that i'll be having my own solo show at the end of next year has unleashed a new wave of creativity.  i wake up at night with ideas that need to be realized.  enjoying it.  probably watch some mindless tv now.  namaste.  xxoo c

11/06/2008.  thursday late.  still excited about the upcoming obama presidency; know it will be a tall order for any mortal, and wish mr. obama all luck and good judgment imaginable.  had stress test today, had a complaint about congestion in my chest . . . my doctor being very careful sent me for a stress test.  isotopes and the whole thing.  i was the only patient there under 70,  all fine though.  on the artistic front, been contemplating how we are all really one organism, that the idea of self is really an illusion.  there is really no separation between you and me.  not clear on this thought yet, but kindof seeing it like a colony of ants, or cells in the body.  each one is unique and separate, alive in its own right, but not independent or separate in any real way.  separated from the colony or the body we surely die; and even as the cell or individual dies the organism lives on.  just a thought.  namaste.  xxoo c

11/04/2008 tuesday 10:04 PM.  TRULY, GENUINELY, PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN.  MAY GOD BLESS PRESIDENT OBAMA, THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND THE ENTIRE WORLD. NAMASTE. XXOO C

11/03/2008 monday late.  tonight is the eve of perhaps the biggest event of our collective lifetimes; the eve of a tomorrow that could, potentially, truly be the dawn of a new era, not only for america, but for the entire world.  a renewal of the ideal of cooperation, of vision, and dare i say it, of hope.  a repudiation of fear, of hatred, of division.  tomorrow is the day.  i pray that tomorrow god will truly bless us all.  namaste.  xxoo c

11/02/2008  sunday late.  today worked quite a bit on "waving the flag".  took a bit of a different direction than i originally intended, but so far i'm liking it.  should finish for glaze firing tomorrow.  once i finished the design i detected some influence from the gilbert & george show we recently saw at the brooklyn museum of art.  check out there stuff . . .cool.  i am particularly drawn by there seemingly very intimate display of their hopes, fears, desires.  it's something i aspire to in my work.  namaste.  xxoo c

11/01/2008 saturday.  lots of work work since my last post; voted early for obama; had to wait in line about 45 minutes.  tonight the ballet . . . very good.  finished "vera" on thursday.  now designing "waving the flag".  should finish tomorrow.  all good.  namaste.  xxoo.  c

10/27/2008 monday.  a bit of a dissapointment on my bisque firing; several of the tiles came out cracked.  i don't think the clay i have here is ideal for tilemaking, so even though it will be more expensive i'm going to ship my tucker clay from new york supplier and just use the same clay everywhere.  eliminate the hassle!  anyway prepared new submittal today for the ovac "visionmakers" show in early 2009 - wont know until mid-january.  submittal not due until early december, but figured if i don't do it now it won't get done.  contemplating new tile, "socialite vera gahren", based on a smart set column i saw (and saved) from ocean drive magazine several years ago.  the article describes vera as follows:

socialite vera gahren was born in casablanca and now lives in paris, hamburg and motreal.  t.h. [the editor] says:"she just loves fisher island, and spends four months a year in florida going between there and palm beach.  she spends her time shopping and sunbathing, and says her greatest misfortune in life is that she has never had a job."

sounds like a role model to me!! namaste. xxoo c

10/25/2008 saturday.  as always time flies.  tomorrow new batch of bisqued tiles comes out of the kiln; one new design finished yesterday, will execute on tile tomorrow.  then more and more.  official notification today that i will have my own solo show at the end of 2009 at waam - very excited, and glad for the ample time to prepare.  playing on facebook; otherwise not much going on.  namaste.  xxoo c

10/21/2008.  tuesday.  wow.  lots has happened since my last post, all good.  went to nyc and saw billy elliott (the musical) and equus (with daniel radcliffe's hu ha).  toured the gilbert & george show at the brooklyn museum of art and the brand new museum of art and design.  thoughts on each 1)  billy elliott, good, not great.  some fantastic imagery, great child actor, no hummers, a bit formulaic, but still worth seeing. 2) equus. slightly dated, good performances, big ball sack. 3) gilbert & george inspirational for the most part, slightly repetitive, but still great.  direct and colorful. 4) MAD fantastic.  great new space (formerly the "lollipop" building on columbus circle) and although not an inspirational new facade (panned by the nyt), the galleries were well laid out, easy to navigate and well lit.  and the permanent collection was inspirational (oops, already used that word).  anyway, some great pieces including some really fine ceramics.  lots of modern stuff.  a must see for anyone venturing to new york.  in addition to all that, our friends r & s were kind enough to let us use their apt at the spectacular location of 9th & 45th, which was perfect for us tourists.  a great time was had by all.  back in woodstock, have one new piece ready for glaze firing, and another one in process. one in process is either titled "self-portrait with pipe", "self-portrait with crack pipe" or "self portrait smoking crack".  haven't decided yet.  maybe a contest to name it once it is done?? unfortunately not as much done this trip as i would have liked, but it is what it is.  one foot, then the other.  back to tulsa tomorrow.  namaste. xxoo c

10/13/2008.  monday.  great weekend.  autumn in the catskills always beautiful; this year more than ever.  yesterday took a brief driving tour through green and ulster counties; picture perfect fall day.  also good studio time; working on new tile; also laid out 8 12 inch squares.  bisqued first piece of new outdoor sculpture.  had a scare yesterday; got an email requesting proof of residency in woodstock for my solo show at waam; of course i meet the requirement, but fear kicked in and i thought omg, they don't think i live here, and i'm not going to have my solo show after all, and all is lost, all is lost! and well, etc. etc.  of course i finally calmed down, got my info together and took it down to the the gallery coordinator today . . . of course they sent this out to all the solo exhibitors, as they had a few with nyc addresses and me with a tulsa address.  but all is well.  i did the math and i've actually lived in woodstock half of the year.  good reminder to live in the moment, to remember what is important and let the rest go.  namaste.  xxoo c

10/08/2008 wednesday.  back in woodstock now.  ahhhh.  i love tulsa, don't get me wrong (except for the politics of 70+ percent of the population; oh and the right wing religious stuff, but other than that it really is a great town).  having said that, there is something magical about this place.  i've often wondered if it really isn't all within; we see our surroundings in a certain context and respond to them accordingly.  i think there is an element of that, but it's deeper as well.  first there is a great natural beauty here that is calming and captivating.  second, our house here has a great deal of history and charm, which adds to the experience.  then there is the town; funky, a bit weird, touristy at times but just a blast.  really love it here.  anyway, tomorrow back in studio.  going to tackle some big forms for my big "shew".  one foot, then the next, next, next . . . namaste.  xxoo c 

10/07/2008 tuesday.  newest work now online!  check it out in new stuff.

10/05/2008.  late sunday.  not much to report, really.  just a typical sunday.  mr. b a bit under the weather; me working on frames in studio.  in the moment, uneventful. just now.  namaste.  xxoo c

10/04/2008.  saturday now.  worked in the studio today, making frames.  all the initial work is done; tomorrow is sanding and painting or staining.  look forward to getting them done done.  probably monday; then pics.  then laying out tiles for more work.  concept of show coming together.  otherwise all neurons working overtime on election.  realize that i am partisan; but really people, how can anyone with a working brain think we should re-elect republicans this year?  is it not clear that their world view, their concept of government, their hands-off approach to capitalism, their disregard for minority rights, their lack of respect for or faith in the american people is totally f&#cked????  come on people.  wake up!  vote obama.  namaste.  xxoo  c

10/03/2008.  whoa.  the specter of having my own show has my mind working overtime.  trying to consolidate the concept now; with ceramics you've got to work ahead, so i want to be sure that everything i do in the next months advances my work in light of the upcoming show.  have an overall concept i think will be the theme; but unwilling to discuss at this point.  letting everything ruminate.  fun. as far as current work is concerned, finalized about 13 pieces with my overglaze firing a couple of days ago.  good results.  things are more consistent with each firing.  if all goes as planned i'll have pics for y'all in a couple of days, gosh darn it (wink, wink). namaste.  xxoo c

09/30/2008.  good news yesterday; got a call from the program director at woodstock art assoc. and museum; i've been selected as one of the seven artist to have a solo show in 2009 (out of 57 submittals).  the juror was tim slowinski from the limner gallery in hudson, ny.  see his website here. i was quite surprised and of course thrilled; i had assumed that i would need to submit a few times before being accepted.  show should be toward the end of next year, so i should have time to put it together.  one foot, then the next.  i'm excited about using this to focus my art a bit, to come up with a cohesive show that expresses my point of view (at least at this moment).  i'll keep you up to date as things progress.  namaste.  xxoo

09/27/2008/  whew!! great day in the studio.  finalized last piece for cone 04 firing; i've gone laser transfer craaaazy.  having a great time.  after this firing will do some overglazes; plan is to have a slew of new work completed (if not framed) before going north on the 8th.

last night watched the debate, but only after chasing off a m*&t*er f#ck#r stealing our obama yard sign.  republicans are known to send out young goon squads ripping off signs. childish.  my challenge was not to succumb to being taken in to this type of thinking; not becoming a child myself in response to this behavior.  hard to do when you feel you've been wronged, but really, i hurt myself more by allowing such things to bother me.  so even though the guy pealed off and dropped the sign, decided i needed to use the experience to learn. goons came back later and took the sign. laughed about it today as i put out my new sign, confident in the knowledge that obama won the debate.  after all, if barack can be cool as a cucumber, so can i.  namaste.  xxoo c

09/25/2008.  oh my.  trying to stay calm about the political situation, but it is hard to do so.  republicans are irresponsible, reckless and tricky; can't wait for last minute "deal" on the economy brokered by the "maverick".  watch for it folks.  disgusting.  in brighter news, had a great studio day; working on applying laser transfers to several pieces.  since the technique is new to me i'm applying them to everything.  i'm sure i'll settle back later on, but for now it is great fun.  should be ready for a second firing toward the end of the weekend.  namaste.  xxoo

09/23/08 tuesday.  just back from fly fishing trip in colorado with fraternity brothers of bob's.  good time.  never much of a sportsman, but it was fun to learn and the scenery was gorgeous.  just before departure cleaned out the studio, rearranged, and got several things out of the glaze firing; looks good so far.  today adding some laser transfer work before refiring to cone 04; then a third firing to follow for overglazes (where needed).  hope to have several items finished in next two weeks.  namaste.  xxoo

09/15/2008 monday.  life is good today.  sun is shining, simone is better, i'm getting close to a glaze firing in the kiln.  one more piece in process, should finish today, the big time firing.  whu-hu!  namaste.  xxoo c

09/11/2008 thursday.  thanks to all for your notes of concern . . . glad to report i'm feeling better today, in no small part, i think, to realizing that being depressed when your co-worker is murdered and your dog is near death is a natural phenomenon.  i'd be worried about myself if i felt any differently.  also, you have to accept these things, seeing them as a natural part of life, and in a very real way, the grief as a part of healing.  so i wish my fallen comrade godspeed, my dog full recovery, and my mind the wisdom to accept life as it is, in all its weird, happy, sad and unfettered glory.  namaste.  xxoo c

09/10/2008 later.  it doesn't work.

09/10/2008.  wednesday.  have settled into a general malaise; i read somewhere that if you smile you can fake out your brain until you are actually happy, so i've been walking around the house with a goofy smile on my face trying to cheer myself up.  no luck yet, but if it works i'll let you know.  namaste.  xxoo c

09/09/2008 tuesday.  co-worker's memorial service was today.  church was packed.  always sad, funerals.  they do, however, seem to offer a bit of closure; i'm sure that's why they were invented.  simone better by the hour . . . still weak, but when mr. b went by this afternoon she stood up, and doctor says she's been drinking on her own.  so each hour is one more hour on the way to recovery.  a few new pieces on display in new stuff.  namaste xxoo

09/08/2008 update.  latest blood work indicates miss simone is fighting back . . . blood count back up to saturday's levels after drop yesterday.  not out of the woods yet, but good news has given us cause for hope.

09/08/2008 monday.  funeral for my slain co-worker is tomorrow.  continue to experience great sorrow surrounding this event; keeping his family and co-workers in our thoughts. additional sorrow descended this weekend; our beloved dog simone is extremely ill with an autoimmune disorder; she's still fighting, and we are hoping for the best.  overall quite a rough patch.  namaste.  xxoo c

09/05/08 friday.  i'm extremely depressed tonight.  a co-worker was murdered yesterday.  it's hard to keep anything of this magnitude in perspective; the overwhelming disregard for the beauty of life; devastating.  and as fortune would have it i'm simply a bystander.  but still so sad.  nothing else to say. 

09/02/08 tuesday.  just turned off the rnc (shudder) and am ready for bed.  today back in studio, getting my legs back, as it were.  a small triptych based on watching a very sad man read the bible on the plane back to tulsa.  being a very religious community, it is not an uncommon sight to see people on the plane to tulsa reading the bible.  in this instance, the man looked so sad; forlorn, i would say.  his bible was open to the book of haggai.  when i got home, i was intrigued; what wisdom was he seeking? what lead him to the point in his life where he was sitting on the plane back to tulsa, reading from a four page book by a minor prophet who lived in the 4th century b.c.??  so i found my bible (dust and all) and read the book.  about rebuilding the temple, and how god smites those who disobey and reward those who are obedient.  kindof like eat your peas if you want dessert.  anyway, that's what inspired the piece, reading haggai.  show you the results in a few weeks.  namaste.  xxoo c

09/01/08 monday.  happy labor day.  back in tulsa after ten weeks in woodstock and environs.  i was ambivalent about returning, seeing as much as i love apples house, woodstock, the art scene there, the mountains, etc.  but now that i'm back it's weirdly thrilling.  things seem new, more interesting somehow.  probably gone long enough to see things with new eyes.  i guess if i were truly enlightened i'd always think how i organize my underwear is fascinating, but as it is i have to forget after an extended absence in order to remember the awe of ordinary things.  glad for it.  my sock drawer has some things to teach me as well . . . namaste.  xxoo c

08/26/2008. tuesday.  back from the city (nyc) yesterday after a great weekend with friends b & b.  city is always a hoot, and i consider myself a pretty good tourist.  moma, whitney, food, drink.  that about sums it up.  otherwise today was rough; worked on laptop all day trying to figure out bug.  think i got it patched for now.  tomorrow another day.  namaste. xxoo c

08/17/2008.  sunday.  beautiful catskill mtn day.  this area is amazing.  if you ever can you must visit the hudson valley/catkill region of new york.  it is phenomenal; i'm convinced it is a vortex(:)).  anyway, sitting on the front deck drinking a michelob ultra.  haven't been drinking beer for years because of the outrageous carbs, but this baby only has 2.6 carbs per bottle, which is nothing.  i'd have to drink five of them to equal one oreo.  so there.  and it tastes good too.  waiting for our friend and artist extrodinaire a.s. and his former boyfriend l.  can't remember l.'s last name.  anyway, throwing a par-tay.  burgers and such. should be fun.  mr. b off on the scooter getting tonic.  a little short.  so, a bit of studio work today.  otherwise fixing the computer and thinking about staying focused - been a bit scattered lately.  but feel back on track.  namaste.  xxoo c

08/16/2008 saturday.  well, r & c have a new nephew today.  linus was born aroung 8:30 this morning.  wish him well.  has a great aunt and uncle, so that's a good start.  sounds like his mom is cool too; a performance artist from brooklyn.  don't know her.  great studio day.  laid out slabs for three more "bamboo'" segments.  once finished that will make five segments so far, enough for the shortest of the three "stalks".  plan to finish one stalk all the way through to make sure my engineering is correct before finishing the other two.  so one step, then another.  namaste.  xxoo c

08/15/2008 friday.  well, r & c just got word her sister is about to drop baby, so probably won't be able to do dinner.  supposed to be staying the weekend, but these things happen.  otherwise good.  spent a couple of days in williamstown at the theatre festival.  first play was a revival of home from 1970 . . . might have been good, but one of the four actors kept forgetting his lines, so we think they might have skipped about half of the second act.  second play, not waving, was excellent.  great cast, including nate cordrie (from daily show - the younger brother to rod) and the actress who played frazier's diabolical agent.  pics of the totem are on the new stuff page . . . sorry they aren't better pics, but the weather has been rainy and they are the best i've got.  work on new sculpture has been slow; had to work out the engineering kinks and started over twice; think i've got it figured out now and have almost completed two of the segments (need eighteen if all goes as planned). here's r & s gotta go.  xxoo

08/06/2008.  what is today?  wednesday?  what does it matter anyway?  excited about my new sculpture project.  came to me at around 330 this morning.  tetatively titled peace, love and joy, it will consist of three "bamboo" shoots ten feet, eight feet and six feet high.  they will roughly resemble bamboo and have images depicting the three themes.  did a test fit today; think i know enough to start manufacturing basic shapes tomorrow.  sorry i haven't posted pics of totem yet; i'll get to it in the next few days.  mr. b asleep on the couch, as is is simone.  i alone am awake.  namaste.  xxoo c

08/02/2008.  saturday.  my printing on clay class was this week at women's studio workshop in rosendale.  great class with artist jen rose from dallas; her current work focuses on large wall installations of patterns made from images of uteri and ovaries.  i am assuming that "uteri" is the plural of "uterus", but honestly i just made that up.  you can see some of her older stuff at leadshoes.net.  great class; learned a lot and met some fun people.  only guy taking a course, although there was a sighting of another guy in the clay studio once.  learned how to make silk screens and apply images to clay.  fun fun.  i will be incorporating in upcoming work.  but the class is over now, and mr. b is back in residence, much to our delight.  this weekend we are in massachusetts enjoying the cultural goings on in the berkshires; last night tanglewood, tonight jacobs pillow.  so life is good.  back to woodstock tomorrow and more studio work.  namaste to all.  xxoo c

07/26/2008,  saturday late.  hello loyal blog readers.  the totem is up and appears to be a hit.  i'm immediately pleased, which is unusual for me.  it usually takes me a while to warm up to something i've made.  probably insecurity, but true.  i've taken a few pics, but not great.  rainy here now, so may see what tomorrow brings.  otherwise might post the so so pics tomorrow anyway, just so you can see.  big dinner party tonight with our lesbian neighbors and good good friends.  love them all.  fun, conversation and good food was had.  so lucky to have such great friends.  missing mr. b.  four more days!!  much love to all; especially to you.  namaste.  xxoo c

07/24/2008 thursday.  wow!  time flies. busy day; lots of work work (nine hours!! boo hu!).  anyway, still getting in some studio work.  framed two of the three "hello, my name is . . ." triptych (third was the broken one - remaking it).  Also final pieces of the totem came out of the kiln this morning.  so far so good!  i'm very pleased with both the glaze and the iron oxide accents.  thought the iron oxide would be more red in color, but instead its very dark - i'm tempted to call it "liver" but that doesn't sound very attractive. a bit mauvey in tone. i think it actually works better than what i thought i was getting  (sometimes you just have to trust the kiln gods).  decided to install the totem in front of the woodstock studio - kindof as a sentry.  on the top is a buddha figure, so i like the imagery of that.  if i'm not impaled by work work tomorrow plan to go to the hardware store and get the metal pole and cement i need to complete this project.  wish me luck!!  namaste.  xxoo c

07/21/2008 monday.  monday now (why do i think it's tuesday?).  great day in the studio; just a bit of work work.  made progress on framing two out of three of the "hello, my name is . . ." triptych.  The smashy smashy thing didn't get too far; didn't look arty, just looked broken.  so i salvaged what i could and decided to remake the errant piece, since it was part of a triptych, and a triptych with only two pieces doesn't make a lot of sense.  but the other two pieces are complete and fine, so i'll do what is needed to get the job done.  otherwise fine.  a bit lonely.  namaste.  xxoo

07/19/2008 saturday.  just because i am alone i see no reason to be denied a good meal.  coals are heating up for grilled steak with onions, and a side of my version of yorkshire pudding (pita bread soaked in veggie broth with peas and tomatoes).  early evening.  great day in studio.  mounted smashed karen today.  likey likey.  also got broken piece of ego triptych back in the kiln.  once it is done plan to smash all three pieces of triptych then glue them back together.  maybe a little arty i know, but i think it will fit the mood and message of the piece. smash it all, yes that's it, smashy smashy!! also painted iron oxide on all of the pieces of the totem.  next is to fire the iron oxide in, then start in on the decals.  whew!  this s#%t is a lot of f&$%in& work.  but fun.  hot today.  spend most of the day in shorts and a ball cap.  i don't mind the heat really.  makes me feel connected with nature, since no ac. missing mr. b.  when you are used to the company of someone you love being alone takes some getting used to.  but i know i will see him soon, and being alone does create new ways of learning.  so it's all good.  tonight another movie.  an indie romance starring parker posey (i loves me some parker posey!).  anyway, something to do while alone (no offense to miss simone).  namaste to all.  xxoo c

07/17/2008. thursday.  after six.  just finished another full day of work work.  getting close now.  hope tomorrow is the nail in the coffin (so to speak).  good news blog readers:  my submittal for active membership to the woodstock artist association was accepted.  submitted five works, solstice (self-portrait) 2006, chained dog (2007), dreams of nahum (2007), solstice (2008) and receding youth (2008).  You can see them on the new stuff and 2007 and 2006 gallery pages. A jury of five artist and art educators selected the new members.  i guess it's kind of like being in the acadamie des beaux-arts (you think?!).  Well, maybe not quite but still nice to have the validation.  Looked like about 25 or 30 applicants, and about 10 accepted.  i was prepared either way; i still think no matter what you just have to do what you do.  if other people like it or not is irrelevant.  as long as you are true to your vision, then it is real art.  if not, well . . . namaste.  xxoo c

07/15/2008.  tuesday. omigawd. does time fly or what?? tuesday now.  watching star trek vi:  the undiscovered country.  some terrible treachery has just unfolded; have yet to know the source or the outcome.  taking a break to blog.  in the "real" world had two great calls; bt and bdh called t check up, also to make future plans.  great to hear from them.  then jb called from bear week in p-town.  whu hu! oh, wait, no, that's not what i meant:  WHU HU!  to hear him tell it a great time is being had by all. oh yeah.  so kudos for that . . . waiting for all the great pics. mr. b having family trauma; cousin near death.  always a sad thing.  otherwise just work work here. one foot, then the next.  soon enough will see it through. life goes on. namaste.  xxoo c

07/13/2008. sunday.  late now, almost ten.  lightly raining outside; windows open, so sound and moisture permeating the room.  otherwise quiet.  struggling to type in an otherwise dark room; only light is light from computer screen, regularly interrupted by bugs attracted to the light.  fun day.  took a break from work work and played in the studio.  smashed up some old stuff and put it back together.  all in an attempt to see things anew; things that were once "failures" are now being resurrected as art.  hopefully an apt metaphor for life.  acutely missing mr. b at times today, although i think that it is ultimately very healthy to have time apart.  i'm approaching my days differently, listening, looking more closely, i think learning some things.  i don't have to create misery in mr. b's absence to love him totally and completely; that is an old tape concocted from bad hollywood romances.  love is about joy, not misery.  so even when we are apart i celebrate our oneness; our connection.  and i look forward to our reunion.  in the meantime i will keep my own company and take solace in my own counsel.  namaste.  xxoo c

07/12/2008 saturday.  have been having fun with a reunion of sorts with a friend of mine from first grade; he uncovered mrs. winbush's highland elementary 1968 class pic and decided to google me;  found my website and we've been emailing back and forth.  exchanged pics (he's quite handsome) and been catching up a bit.  His memory is amazing; he remembers things from our childhood that i either only vaguely recall or not at all.  i find it interesting to think back on all of those kids you knew; how their lives have progressed, one day after another, just like yours, but different. and every once in a while they think back to their childhood, and somewhere in the picture there you are; at the birthday party, on the playground, at summer camp.  interesting to think about.  oh well.  namaste.  xxoo

07/11/08 friday.  friday already.  mr.b flew back to t-town wednesday am, so simone and i have been on our own for a couple of days.  despite missing him, i thing we are holding up rather well.  i've had tons of work work, so that has kept me away from the studio; a bummer yes, but i'm trying to take it as it comes.  i can suffer if i want to, but it's at my own hand, so i try to keep that in mind.  right now waiting for our friend and artist extrodinaire s.k. to come by.  he's going to give me his opinions on which works i should submit to the artist association for consideration of "active" membership.  a jury of peers determines if my work is up to snuff; i guess they are trying to determine who is a "real" artist. hmmm. not sure i like the concept, and not sure why i need to be an active member, but it's one more chance to get feedback and keep the process going, so i'm going to do it.  monday is the day.  i'm a bit restricted by what is here locally; they judge from actual work, so can't exactly give them work that is in tulsa, can i??  i'll let you know how that works out.  in honor of our friend j.b. heading off to bear week in  p-town, i've changed my desktop background to gay bear porn star Jack Radcliffe (a clean pic, i assure you, and don't ask how i know about such things - it's called social anthropological research, people!). anyway he is quite a physical specimen.  The epitome of masculine, if you ask me.  for you adults out there you can google his name and check it out.  namaste.  xxoo c

07/08/2008 tuesday.  mr. b heads back to t-town tomorrow; miss simone and i to hold down the fort in woodstock for three weeks.  hope to make it a studio intensive; all spare time in studio, trying new things, experimenting (guess that is the same thing?).  about half of the totem sculpture is in the kiln;  other half later in the week.  then laser transfers, if tests prove promising.  trying to reimagine "failed" tiles from the past and re-use or somehow rework into art.  trying to see a bit differently.  warmer here now; actually feels like summer for the first time.  work work too. all good.  namaste. xxoo

07/05/2008.  saturday.  ah-oh.  looks as though i fell victim to my own ego with yesterday's entry.  me, you wrong right, anger defenses, no i'm right (dammit!) hmmm. but . . . no this is all the ego reasserting the idea of separateness, that the big "i" must be supreme, right, always.  no.  true enlightenment, when confronted with unconsciousness, does not become unconscious itself.  instead, if it reacts at all, it recognizes what it is encountering and simply remains in the moment, present, aware, focused. i think the overall sentiment expressed is correct, but to rail against the "wrongness" of others is clearly to be wrong.  so my bad. lesson learned.  today back on the path.  namaste. xxoo

07/04/2008.  happy fourth of july.  great time tonight with friends old and new.  had about twelve folks over for cookout and mr. b's famous homemade ice cream.  yum.  i'm torn about how to address my topic tonight.  so much of the conversation was about anger;  anger about politics, anger about personal relationships; lost youth, rudeness and unkindness of strangers.  i kept thinking, and maybe this is new, i kept thinking; what in the f*&# do you have to be so angry about??!? mind you, this was in the back of my mind, and knowing that i've probably vented in a similar way in the past, but in my current state i thought oh my, oh boy, let's review here people.  1) you are alive.  2) you are sentient. 3)  you eat every day. 4)  you are alive, you are alive you are alive!!!!!!!!!!  we somehow forget that we've won the lottery, THE lottery.  the lottery where we get to be human beings in a fantastic, wierd, fabulous universe.  where you are aware and alive and able to understand that wierd, fabulous reality.  that is beautiful.  that is amazing.  that is everything.  so the little things like war, death, unhappy relationships, bad commutes, diabetes, cancer, etc, etc, etc.  really. minor in the scheme.  minor indeed.  here, now fabulous. i'd call it scrumptious, but some might find that a bit over the top.  ok, whatever.  scrumptious. xxoo c

07/02/08. wednesday.  wow.  a perfect day in which nothing at all happened.  as my loyal readers know, i'm a fan of buddhist thought, also the ideas of eckhart tolle (roughly the same thing, i think).  the basic ideas are 1) live now, 2) accept life exactly as it is 3) by living by items 1 and 2, you have reached nirvana.  so today pretty much met the goal.  looked at the sky, drank my coffee, went to the optometrist, ate sweet potato fries for lunch, worked in the studio, laughed at and with mr. b., drank wine, watched the sun set, grilled pork chops, turned on the computer.  nothing, nothing nothing.  everything, everything, everything.   the buddha said, roughly, "pay attention to this moment, and you will take care of ten thousand lifetimes." so, my friends, PAY ATTENTION.  live in the details.  the rest is an illusion.  namaste.  xxoo c

06/30/2008 monday.  ok guys, weird couple of days.  pretty much cured of the "bite" (we are now referring to it as the "bite" note the "").  sunday felt back to normal.  today a bit less so, but a bit nervous about my gallery presentation.  even though gallery owners are friends, feel a strange nervousness . . .on both ends really.  on  one hand want them to like the work, on the other afraid they will patronize me by taking work they really don't like.  today, of course, r.o. was incredibly gracious, and, i think, honest.  he said what he didn't and did like, and had some great ideas about my new framing technique that i'll try to incorporate next time.  he ended up taking about three-quarters of what i brought in, including one i really liked but he didn't . . .took it as a favor.  this was around four o'clock.  at seven he called to say he had already sold one of my tiles, which was of course great news.   i don't want to impose on friends, and if stuff sells, well, the proof is in the pudding as they say.  so i was thrilled.  hopefully will continue.  tried to bring in smaller, more "commercial" items, so we shall see.  in any event was enough to start a celebration, so r.o. came over and we all went out to overpriced dinner.  fun.  otherwise yesterday was a blast; great play at wiliamstown.  old fashioned musical.  boy meets girl, boy hates girl, girl hates boy, misunderstandings, reconciliations, love ensues.  hurrah!but it really was quite good. cast excellent.  up for the day, then wine at the park, then dinner at lennox (cute restaurateur, not that i noticed), then back and in bed by nine pm.  ah, the good life (note: the good life always includes bed by nine).  some time in studio today on my totem, but not enough.  now that my distractions are fading i'll get more time in tomorrow.  namaste.  xxoo

06/28/2008.  ok dudes.  blog o rama.  you wanted it; you've got it.  saturday now.  still suffering ill effects of insect bite; or spider bite, we are not sure which (spider's aren't insects, are they?).  anyway, still half sick, but seems to be getting better, slowly.  the cause of my recent brush with death have been the subject of great discussion.  some suspect a tick (read:  lyme disease.  oh lord!).  others suggest a virus contracted on the plane (no arachnids involved). or west nile virus.  all great options, i must say.  i'm sticking with my initial gut feeling that it was a spider bite.  but we can't find any bite; hmmmmmm (we've looked and looked!). . . . anyway, guess it doesn't matter, as long as it goes away.  chills are subsiding, as are aches and pains.  all that seems to remain is uneven feelings of fatigue and weakness.  but even that is better. no visions of jesus or an intense white light (yet). even got in some studio time today, but got worn out rather quickly.  will try to go back out for a couple of hours here in a while.  tomorrow to williamstown for a play.  monday tiles come in by ups for presentation to gallery.  hopefully they will think some will be a good fit.  i'll report back then.  you will also note larger font for blog; a recognition that my core audience is over forty-five.  namaste.  xxoo c

06/27/2008.  friday.  no studio time yet in woodstock;  yesterday decided to be butch and clean out the storage shed, fix the lawnmower, and mow the field.  After that I felt sick; fever, chills, sweats.  ick.  finally decided i must have been bitten by a spider.  today better but puny.  i'll head out to the studio after lunch, unless i decide to take a nap instead.  on the website front, i'm still having problems uploading from here . . .keep getting error messages, but somehow the blog seems to post, so i'll press forward.  hope i'm not really screwing up the website.  got an email today from a friend from first grade;  he googled my name and found my website!  what a great memory he has, and how strange and wonderful that you can google your past like that.  can't say i specifically remember him, although i think he may be the kid i used to play cooties with.  asked him to send the first grade pic and see if that jarred my memory.  except for near deadly spider bite all is well.  namaste.  xxoo

06/25/2008.  wednesday.  hello all.  trying to blog first day in woodstock.  in full summer mode.  sleeveless t, shorts, sandals, baseball cap.  (what are you wearing?) oh, wait, i'm getting off course.  so anyway, easy trip up.  simone was good travel bud, as was mr. b.  tonight went to woodstock farmers market for fresh greens, fresh chicken, fresh brocolli.  fresh everything.  tonight cooking up happy chicken (well, he was happy two days ago) from new paltz, plus greens and cornbread.  yum.  (what are you eating?)  oops, there i go again.  anyway, ready to start back into studio work in the morning.  namaste!  xxoo c

06/24/2008.  tuesday.  last blog before heading up to woodstock for the rest of the summer.  mr. b will come back in july to work work, but i'm staying to work in the studio and go to a ceramic workshop in the area.  i'll be concentrating on large sculptural forms while i'm up there; as you may recall i have one already in the works.  new area of exploration for me, so should be a good time.  bad news today; due to skyrocketing rents my tulsa gallery will be closing at the end of july.  so i sadly went in today to pick up my remaining items.  the will try to reopen later in the year at another location; hope it works out for them.  in the meantime i've cleared with clouds gallery in woodstock to ship up some work for possible inclusion in the gallery.  once they have a chance to look over the work and decide what (if anything) they want to take i'll add a new gallery link on the website.  be patient faithful blog readers; in woodstock last time the computer couldn't communicate with my website host server, and i didn't try very hard to figure it out.  i'll be more diligent since i will be up there for a couple of months; i'll get back to blogging just as soon as i can fix the problem. while you are waiting for my return why don't you go and make some art?? namaste.  xxoo

06/23/2008.  whew.  ok, got most of the stuff framed i wanted to.  just had to say enough is enough.  so, bitches (you know who i'm talkin' about) a blog first . . . preview of new work is now available on the "new stuff" page.  check it out.  only for dedicated blog readers and the odd person who happens to stumble upon my website.  tomorrow i'll call clouds and see if i can send some work up there, plus go by brushworks and drop off some work; i won't try to update the gallery pages until i'm sure what is going where and for how much.  going to try and keep all of the new stuff under $150 . . . you know how the economy is these days.  so i'll update all that after i settle everything with the galleries and set the prices.  but at least you can see what i've been up to for the last couple of months.  hope you like it.  namaste.  xxoo c

06/22/2008.  sunday.  ahh.  lazy day today.  fun lunch with family; mom, dad and eric treated us for a late anniversary brunch.  very nice.  otherwise not much accomplished, which was fine.  a bit of studio work, but minimal.  getting ready for the summer long sojourn in woodstock.  when i planned it i was very excited; now i'm a bit apprehensive about being without mr. b for three weeks.  i think really it will be good, not because we are apart, so much, but because it will force me to look at things in a different way.  a constant will be removed, however briefly, and that will mean i will have to cope on a different level.  scary but good i think.  wish me luck.  namaste. xxoo  c

06/21/2008.  saturday.  hello all.  june 21st - the longest day of the year, and, yes, my birthday.  forty-seven today.  most people lament the aging process, but i say bring it on.  youth , at least for me, was full of such angst and ignorance . . .  that ugly ignorance that thinks it knows everything.  survival instinct, i suppose,  but as i get older i think i really do get wiser.  maybe??  we'll let the historians debate it, shall we??  otherwise a great day.  well wishes from family and (although not blood related) more family.  quietly made more frames, while mr. b lavished me with love. yep, it's true.  so a great day, as is every day.  live now my friends, live now.  for tomorrow, well, you know.  namaste.  xxoo

06/17/2008 tuesday.  late now.  9:51 pm!! fun time tonight with crazy friend j.b.  not afraid to say he is cray-z!  fun and wonderful too.  he's started painting, which is fantastic.  fun and effervescent.  so kudos for that.  in july he's up to p-town for bear week.  sounds like fun.  i'm not immune to the charms of hirsute men, so the fantasy of a week filled with naked hairy men is not something i am immune to.  hmmmmmm . . . but be that as it may, i will live vicariously through his stories of such exploits.  otherwise good.  more frames today,  tomorrow more of the same.  namaste.  xxoo c  

06/16/2008 monday.  beautiful rainy morning.  distant thunder.  we don't really need to the rain, but it is pleasant.  i have the windows and doors open and am using the sound of the rain as a background to my morning cup of coffee.  today will do more work work, but mostly make frames in the studio.  brother e. is going to loan me his power saw to hopefully make it easier.  pleased so far, but could go a bit faster with the right tools. (the right tools always make the job easiter, don't you think?).  so again, a new day, still alive, aware and happy.  namaste. xxoo

06/14/2008.  flag day.  we chose to fly the pride flag.  whu-hu!  anyway one of those amalgam days - little bit of this, a lot of that.  running around, mostly to large box hardware stores, looking for studio supplies.  had to travel all the way out to 71st st to find what i needed.  bob made homemade ice cream (yum) for father's day, although we did sample some just to make sure no one would die after eating it.  appears to be a safe bet.  tonight with bob's family,  delicious dinner as always.  tomorrow with my clan.  namaste.  xxoo

06/13/2008.  ah-oh.  twice in two days.  now i'm scared.  but i feel obligated to my public, even though i know someone fully living only in the now would not feel that way.  but really, it's fun, and i enjoy the attention (did i mention i enjoy the attention?).  so, today was a mix of work work, lunch out with mr. b and a bit of studio work (more frames).  tonight dinner at our friends s.r. and r.r.  they are twice a year friends . . . we love every time we see them, but we don't see them that often.  they are fun and witty and a bit nutty, kindof like us, but different.  so a good time was had.  the embarrassment only came when bob started snoring during the airing of "keeping up appearances" dvd, but that happens after 9 pm; nothing to do about it, and hey, that's part of mr. b's charm.  r.r. had another stroke a few weeks ago, but you'd never know it.  he is as charming and witty as ever.  seemed on top of his game.  tomorrow shopping for father's day and nephew's birthday.  did i mention he is brilliant?  obviously a superior being - he's only one year old, but it's apparent to everyone related to him.  probably president one day, or buddha, or return of j.c??  well we'll have to wait and see on that one.  namaste to all.  xxoo c

06/12/2008.  ah-oh.  i'm in trouble (again).  got a call from b.h., husband of loyal reader b.t. wondering if i was dead due to lack of blogging.  sorry, bitches, iz been bizzie.  no, seriously, i appreciate the attention and concern.  and yes, seriously iz been bissie.  in the studio of course!!  about to unveil a whole new series of work after months and months of learning some new techniques, including laser transfer and overglazes (i can hear you snoring . . . stop that!!!)  i'm in the process of making my own frames, which i think really brings the work up a whole other notch.  hope you agree.  pics coming next week (i hope).  anyway, also been really concentrating on not concentrating at all.  this is a new thing with me - i read in some buddhist thing about "practicing non-practice".  sounds nonsensical i know.  but it has made a tremendous difference.  basically i've taken this as meaning quit trying so hard - it's not in the trying that you accomplish anything; it's in the being. surrender to what is and simply be.  radically accept everything exactly as it is,  no expectations, no regrets.  everything is exactly as it is without judgment or fear.  whoa, scary i know.  but if you can do it, it somehow takes you outside of yourself.  the ego melts away, and it is no longer about "you".  somehow it makes you realize that everything is one, that really there was never a separate "you" to worry about at all! we are one with the universe - in fact we are the universe.  in the microcosm of our soul we are one with everything - and i mean everything!  surrender to what is.  it is only through surrender that you will accomplish your true potential - totally alive in the now, sentient and aware right now.  try it and you will see.  namaste. xxoo  ps much love to the bry(i)s.

05/23/2008 friday.  last blog before we head up to woodstock.  waiting patiently for kiln to cool down below 100C to see results.  I'm excited about this load because of the "new" work that will be coming out - smaller, more intimate, made up of several small tiles together.  plan to make frames that surround them, while they stick out a little bit.  you'll see.  also hoping to get the info on the new glazes at the lower temps before we leave; think in might inform the large sculptural totem i'm making up there.  should be ready to bisque the pieces upon arrival; greenware has been drying for 2 1/2 weeks.  otherwise good.  namaste. xxoo

05/22/08 thursday.  whew.  busy day.  got a full test glaze load in the kiln on wednesday morning; lots of new glaze tests, plus the first stage of three new works.  the new works are incorporating laser transfers, and maybe even some overglazes, so these things have to be done on subsequent firings.  results were good.  lots on new interesting glazes.  interesting tans and greens, with a few yellows and blues thrown in.  today finished stage two on the three new works - working up the decals and applying.  so now have a new load in the kiln, this time for setting the transfers and testing some of the glazes at a lower temp.  gotta kiss a lot of frogs, especially when trying something new, so keep your fingers crossed that there are a few princes in there.  namaste. xxoo

05/20/2008.  tuesday.  the doors "riders on the storm" just finishing up - the rain is pounding and the thunder rolling.  pretty cool stuff.  i've been thinking about people's reaction to the question of making art; the conversation almost always, and usually very quickly, veers to the subject of commerce.  "are you selling anything?" "do you make any money at that?" etc. etc.  When you honestly say, well, i do sell on the website and have a couple of galleries, but really i don't sell all that much, then the response is something to the effect, "oh, so you just do it for fun . . ."  the implication being that if you aren't selling a lot of work then somehow your work is not serious, or you are not a serious artist, or somehow "art" is highbrow way of describing bored housewife syndrome . . ."well, it was either bake a batch of cookies or take a pottery class!"  i try not to be too touchy about it, since this is quite a universal phenomenon, but i do have to protest a bit.  art, the act of creation, is not at it's core an economic activity.  yes, there is of course an element of that, but it is not, cannot be, the primary motivation for making art.  do most people have children so that they can take a tax deduction? i think not. making art, at it's core, is about being more in touch with the universe. about seeing yourself and the world around you in new and exciting ways.  by translating what you see, feel, experience through the small prism of your soul into a work of art, you somehow, eventually, slowly, start to see more clearly.  you start to reach up, go forward, somehow become more real.  i think it has something to do with the buddhist idea of moving toward enlightenment.  so next time you see me, please don't ask just about the commercial aspect of my art, ask me what art has taught me lately.  oh, and yes, it's fun too. namaste. xxoo

05/17/2008.  saturday.  can't believe it's been almost a week since i've blogged.  been working diligently in the studio, but a lot of "background" work mostly - testing new glazes, etc.  still awaiting my replacement element to fix the kiln after boom boom. should arrive monday.  since i am trying so many new things right now actual "finished" work has been non-existent.  a couple of in-process near misses, and about four new pieces in stage one of three, but nothing done done to show.  that's ok.  it's a process and takes time.  hoping all the work will result in a new level of work.  namaste.  xxoo

05/11/08.  sunday.  oh my.  i must have been feeling sorry for myself yesterday. boo hoo!  life is so hard! poor me!! rubbish.  i've come to the realization that we create our own suffering, even out of the best of circumstances.  this is the basic human flaw.  so if art is hard, it is because i make it so.  there is a difference between having a lot to learn technically and artistically, both of which continue to be true; but it's how i relate to both of these facts as to whether or not it is "hard".  so i take it all back.  art is challenging, but it is also incredibly rewarding for the artist.  viva art!  namaste. xxoo

05/10/2008 saturday, late-ish.  been thinking today about other people's art; and how generally disinterested i am by it.  i'm not saying this to be clever or smug, but i think honestly i'm really rarely moved by the work of others; in truth i'm rarely moved by my own work!!  of course i see my own work as very nascent;  like baby steps for a toddler.  other people's work i somehow expect to be fully formed, like somehow they are "real" artists and i am not. of course crazy!  we are all trying to do, somehow, the same thing.  to visually represent the human experience as realized through our little prism of life.  as i try to be true in my art, i am constantly reminded how hard this is.  BEING AN ARTIST IS VERY, VERY HARD.  and i try, i really try, to give other artist the benefit of the doubt, to try and understand what it is they are trying to do or to say.  because this ain't the least bit easy.  so next time you see a painting, or a sculpture, or a tile (!) try and experience what the artist is doing, saying, feeling.  hopefully they put as much of themselves in it as they had at the time they made it.  drink it in, good or bad, and say 'thanks for trying'.  namaste. xxoo

05/09/2008 friday.  explosion supplemental.  well, got the kiln cleaned up.  in the process broke an element. there goes fifty bucks plus shipping.  but good lesson learned.  was able to save jake g. tile that is central to work in process "crush".  so that was good; thought i'd lost it.  it actually looks better, because i wanted it to look a bit like a relic, and now it has gashes from the explosion, so hidden benefit.  oh my what a mess.  but onward and upward.  tonight hangin' with mr. b.  maybe watch harold & kumar go to white castle - mr. b's never seen it, and i'm surprised he wants to, but glad.  usually that's more my kind of thing.  we'll see if he likes it.  got the munchies??? namaste. xxoo

05/09/2008. friday.  BISQUE EXPLOSION!!! oh my oh my.  i guess it was bound to happen at some point, and today was the day.  major explosion of bisque in my kiln. shards and bits EVERYWHERE.  oh my oh my.  lost a few small test that i had in the bottom.  major cleanup required.  if you don't get all the little pieces out, the little bits can eventually melt and burn out your elements.  expensive. sooooo now in the process of getting all the little bits out.  oh my oh my.  put my ware in too wet . . . told myself, "oh it's dry enough".  NOT.  hope this is the fist and last time this happens.  lesson learned.  namaste. xxoo

05/08/2008 thursday.  good morning.  yes, that's correct.  a rare morning post for you.  back in tulsa now. yesterday first day back.  a bit discombobulated yesterday . . . in addition to the normal "catch up" chores that are needed after a couple of weeks away, i had a nagging insecurity return in the studio, most likely brought on by the failure of the overglaze test.  this is the continuing saga of trying to learn to screen print on clay; the last thing was to fire overglaze decal, and they didn't work at all.  e-yuuuu! gross.  anyway, try try again.  so i'm going to try on another glaze, perhaps that was the problem.  big bisque firing last night - lots of smaller tiles.  so we will move forward.  good day to you all!  namaste. xxoo

05/04/08. sunday.  oh yeah. groooovy.  afternoon. about five-thirty.  studio day all day . . last throws of making all of the individual pieces for "a brief history of woodstock".  making the base now . . . the bigger pieces taking me up to two days to complete.  right now letting the clay dry a bit before i coil on more.  the base is a half-round, twenty inches in diameter.  so lots of clay.  while it is drying having a glass of wine and watching "jimmi hendrix at woodstock". basically his entire set at woodstock, with a bit of commentary. cranked up to the max.  what?  WHAT?????  I CAN'T HEAR YOU . . . jimmi just finished a solo with his teeth.  no kidding.  now on one of my favorites . . . let me stand next to your fire!!!! yea baby!  when he does his solos he likes to open his mouth really wide, like he is getting his teeth cleaned or something.  but of course it is classic rock and roll.  didn't realize that jimmi used to live in woodstock, but can't say i'm surprised.  of course he should have!  weather nice.  living in the moment.  hope you are too.  namaste. xxoo

05/03/08.  saturday.  today drove into the city (new york that is) to have a museum day.  went to the met, where we discovered not only they have great underground parking, but the trustee's dining room on the fourth floor serves a pretty good three course lunch (wine included).  as larry david would say, "pretty good . . . pretty, pretty good".  there to see the courbet show in particular.  begging apologies from all of you much more schooled in art history than i, courbet was a mid-nineteenth century french provocateur and enfant terrible of the french art scene of the period.  of course by most modern standards it was pretty tame stuff, except for one painting i've nicknamed "beante vagin" (translate it from the french - this is a family friendly site, buster!).  whoa, graphic!  anyway beside the "tortured man", "beante vagin" had to be the hands down favorite.  quite radical that courbet!  otherwise to the asia society to see japanese woodblock prints.  much fun.  tomorrow back to the studio to try and continue making the components for my outdoor sculpture, at this point entitled "a brief history of woodstock".  subject to change.  all the best.  namaste.  xxoo

04/29/08.  tuesday. oh my.  well, sorry guys.  i know it's been a while.  wasn't too worried about it, didn't imagine there was much of an audience to disappoint as it were.  then i got the email from my most devoted reader telling me to get with the program!  i'd be lying if i said i wasn't pleased.  thanks to you know who.  anyway, up in woodstock now . . . my boss at work is on vacation for two weeks, so work work very quiet.  getting in lots of studio time.  decided to spend my time in woodstock building large outdoor sculptural objects.  i reaaaaally love that about art . . . once you think you get something down the muse pulls you in a totally different direction.  also the field of ceramics is so broad that there is actually no end (and i mean no end) to what you can learn, experience, explore.  it is truly amazing and wonderful.  i'm so glad that i was drawn into this field of art/craft.  and how? i guess by chance, maybe not.  it was my dead friend (he was alive at the time) kb . . . he had signed up for a pottery class at celebrated ceramic artist VH.  At the time (this was the early 90's) VH was giving lessons in her garage off of Brookside (??) can't really remember where her house was. well, anyway, he was taking classes, and i think missy was too, and i said well, why not??? so why not indeed.  i wasn't exactly hooked then, but i was interested.  anyway that was the start.  then kb got involved with a shady character, contracted hiv, died, etc. etc.  not necessarily a + b = c. but still all that happened.  in the meantime we lost contact, kindof.  last five years of his life we had no contact.  i had always felt he rejected me . . . but why? dunno.  but it did happen, why is a mystery.  but when i found out he had died, well, i had lots of regret.  no fault i suppose, but sadness.  and he is gone.  has been for a long time.  and that makes me sad.  i miss him.  and yet he gave me friendship, and beyond that an avocation.  quite by accident. he never knew he had that effect.  a great gift.  and how do we know what effect we have on those around us?? huh?? you don't do you? so love those you love. and live, honestly, genuinely.  just live and love and etc. etc.  that's the lesson there.  because they, or you, will soon enough be gone.  all of us.  namaste.  xxoo. 

04/18/2008.  friday pm. today in the nyt i read that one out of ten adults has a blog.  i can't believe that.  i smell a rat.  anyway, guess that is a good thing, people are trying to communicate, if even in a very distant kind of way.  and who knows? maybe someone will read it (read: this) and some communication will take place. well, beyond that, it has been an incredible couple of days.  the overlay of self-doubt and insecurity (is that the same thing?) have melted away and i've felt free to pursue my artistic vision without restrictions.  have fun.  play.  enjoy. studio work flowing like a florida spring. i have to give quite a bit of credit for this bout of freedom from my reading of eckhart tolle; his ideas of accepting what is, surrendering to the flow of life, living in the now; all of them really resonate with me, as if somehow he is reminding me of something i have known all along.  weird.  but in a good way. i also think my weekend workshop with lana wilson had a profound effect.  sometimes you just have to get out there with like minded people and get some good old fashioned validation.  not so much personally, but for the whole of humanity striving to create, to live.  i'll keep you posted how it progresses, if it does.  namaste.  xx00

04/15/2008. tuesday. almost 10 pm.  i finished my taxes a couple of weeks ago, so totally forgot that most folks are scrambling today.  instead mostly work work today, but was able to get a cone 04 firing started;  used to i would have said a bisque firing, but today i have included several laser transfer tests so, bisquing ain't the only thing goin' on!!  the laser transfer was sooooo easy (if it works).  special laser decal paper; print image; fire. bingo.  we hope.  should add a whole other dimension to my work. maybe.  also got my replacement photo emulsion today.  next couple of days will try again (5th time) to see if i can get silk screening to work.  all in good fun.  can't wait to try some new techniques and ideas from workshop over the weekend.  listen, observe engage, learn, play, live.  yeah, that's it.  namaste. xxoo

04/14/2008.  monday.  wow, what a great weekend.  the workshop was very inspirational; lana wilson was not only a great instructor but also also a really cool person.  learned a lot and am excited about trying out new things.  after i finish this short blog entry i'll be back in the studio trying things out.  wish me luck!! namaste xxoo

04/11/2008 friday afternoon.  sunny.  long time no blog; idunno; doesn't seem quite as interesting or novel as it did at first, so really less interested in it.  no big deal i suppose.  on the artistic front, had a few things come out of the kiln yesterday, but still not complete.  designed two items to incorporate laser transfers and/or silk screen decals, so they are only partially complete.  one piece is about sex (ah-oh!) so we'll see how that comes out.  not sure whether I'll be able to post pic on website or not.  maybe i'd get more traffic!!  also been designing and mfg. some signs for around the house - CLOSE GATE! etc.  anyway, tomorrow off to fayetteville, ar for a pottery workshop with lana wilson.  she is quite a well respected potter; writes for ceramics monthly and also is in the 500 tiles book (like me :)).  i'll update you on what i learn on monday.  for the weekend mr. b is on his own.  let me know if he gets into any trouble!  नमस्ते  xxoo

04/04/2008.  what a great day.  spring has sprung as they say, and the outside is glorious.  flowers everywhere, trees budding, sun shining.  a bit cool, but inspiring nonetheless.  i've had a rough time with my new silk screen technique; i've tried four times now and each time has failed.  went back to the art store where they tried to walk me through it; they finally threw up their hands and suggested i call the company, which i did.  very helpful, those folks at speedball (i'm guessing they didn't know the drug reference when they picked the name for their company).  anyway, they suggested a different bulb, but that didn't work either.  i think i just got lucky and got some bad product.  everyone is stumped!  so when you see the new silk screening effects in my work  know that they are due to much effort and trial by fire.  art isn't easy, but that isn't the point, is it?  namaste.  xxoo

03/31/2008. monday.  ahhh.  better today.  remembered that sometimes the mind is disfunctional; simply knowing that helps to recognize when these bouts come up, and to laugh and let them pass.  better days ahead.  just glad for me such things are few and far between.  today work work, plus a bit of research on my silk screening problem; haven't been able to set a design in the screen yet.  but some internet research seems to be pointing me in the correct direction, so after tomorrow night we will see.  third time's the charm!!?  namaste.  xxoo

03/30/2008 sunday.  late.  suffering from a bout of unhappiness tonight.  silly really.  worse than that really. stupid.  but real nonetheless.  it's hard to fathom, with such great wealth, beauty, transcendence, somehow we still find time to be unhappy.  you too?  but when exposed to the light of day it's so silly.  i don't know.  i think what set me off was feeling kinof irrelevant. but irrelevant to what and to whom??  i feel slighted when others don't see me as important, but do i see anyone else in that light? no, not really. too caught up in myself to notice them. kindof. whatever.  blah blah blah. yuk.  well off to bed, a good night's sleep and another day tomorrow.  i will recover, and i will be ok.  and you will too.  namaste.  xxoo

03/27/2008 thursday.  well, trying to be better about the blog.  today was a great day.  big studio day; back with a vengeance. completed the basics on a new design; not that it will be any good in a conventional sense, but it served its purpose as a means to the next level.  i'm trying to learn screen printing as a new part of my artistic palate; tonight's experiment failed, but it was only the first.  onward and upward!  namaste.  xxoo

03/26/2008 wednesday. today i'm back in the studio after being only sporadically active for the past week.  i've had a lot of work work, but beyond that i've also had a recurrance of some insecurities which have made me reticent.  i'm fighting through those and will defeat the inertia today.  continuing to listen to eckard tolle;  helps to remind me about being part of a greater whole, to try and be mindful and to reject the idea of "self" that separates us from each other and the rest of life.  sometimes i get it, sometimes not.  but with practice this will get easier.  now back to the art!!!! namaste. xxoo

03/16/2008 sunday. i've been listening to "the power of now" by eckhard tolle on audio cd; you listen to it and it really gets you to not thinking . . . and that's a good thing.  reminds me that all we really have is now, and that we waste endless hours regretting the past, glorifying the past or alternatively worried about the future or imagining a better one.  but it's all folly;  all you really have is now, so glorify and live in the great big wonderful weird now.  sounds like a plan to me.  namaste.  xxoo

03/07/2008 friday.  wow, what a great day.  morning at the beach with friends, this afternoon relaxing.  tonight to wish restaurant on collins ave.  miami beach is great fun, but i'm missing the studio and ready to get back to creating objects.  of course our day to day life can be creative, but there is something about creating works of art that feeds my soul in a way nothing else seems to.  it's not easy, actually it is very hard.  but damn if it isn't an essential part of my life right now.  so we'll get back to it as soon as we get back to tulsa.  the break has been good though;  teaching me to look, , observe, open up to new ideas.  very good.  but ready to apply some of the lessons.  so we'll see what comes of it.  namaste to all.  xxoo

03/05/2008 wednesday.  went to view the rubell family collection today in miami.  it is the modern art collection of a prominent miami family, housed in an industrial space.  the galleries were nicely proportioned.  the collection on display was new acquisitions from europe, as well as a couple of solo shows.  i very deliberately tried to simply observe the work without expectation or judgment.  of course that is very difficult to do, but i wanted it as my starting point to experience the work.  i'm in the middle of reading the zen of creativity, and it suggests that you should first try to determine how the art makes you feel, without trying to understand or critique it.  in this case most of the art made me feel sad;  there was very little if anything that conveyed a sense of joy.  everything was dark, brooding.  lots of work that seemed to convey dismay at the human condition.  there was one artist who was merely wistful and sad, but even then more to the dark side.  so i don't know . . . did i like it?  i'm not sure that is the appropriate question.  it was an interesting and enlightening experience.  not sure of anything that spoke out in a transcendent or life changing sort of way.  but worth a look see.  namaste.  xxoo

03/01/2008 march.  already!  in beautiful miami beach.  a bit out of sorts; unfortunately mr. b has come down with a bad cold, so he is out of the loop, stuck in bed.  hoping for a quick recovery.  miami is great as always.  love the architecture, the weather, the beautiful people.  it's like the un around here.  i think the europeans and the south americans like vacationing here.  you here not only spanish (of course) but portugese, french, russian.  at the car rental yesterday we heard german as well.  quite international.  trying to live in the moment, to learn from each encounter.  in a minute here simone and i will head out for lunch.  most of the cafe's have outdoor seating and are very dog friendly, so simone just sits at my feet.  won't be as fun without mr. b, but we will make do.  namaste.  xxoo

02/26/2008 tuesday morning.  opened the kiln today to reveal florals;  generally good results.  very pleased with tabletops.  one tulip tile cracked; another colors just ok.  but really liked my design on tabletops (see new stuff) . . . kindof updated arts & crafts i think.  tomorrow off to miami, so no studio work for a couple of weeks.  but in the interim i'll be studying clay transfer techniques from new book - look for new tile elements when i get back! namaste.  xxoo

02/24/08 sunday evening.  about nine thirty.  went out with mom and dad for their anniversary.  fun.  last blog got interrupted and not finished; thought it best to leave it as is.  so busy in studio last few days; got five florals in the kiln.  will know tomorrow night how they turned out.  busy weekend, wow.  so tomorrow is monday, and we'll see what it brings.  namaste.  xxoo

02/22/2008 friday after five. whew!  two great days in the studio.  work work work.  not work work, but studio work.  on a floral kick; have a tuesday deadline for red ribbon gala, so trying to do something a bit more conventional since it is a bit of a conservative crowd; last year my piece got zero interest, and woudn't have been bought except from a mercy buy by my good friend m.l. 

02/20/2008 after ten.  i feel as though i'm molting.  i've got to get out of this skin and become bigger and better - artistically that is.  it's painful, and disorienting, but hopefully ultimately productive.  i know there is something else in here that needs to get out (no, it isn't a female black soul singer).  so here we are, tryin' to keep it real and get on up there.  wish me luck.  नमस xxoo

02/20/2008 wednesday.  another day has dawned.  well, it dawned about four hours ago.  i'm in the middle of work work, waiting for a program to load, so why not blog?  hoping for another good studio day.  i've remembered that the key to successful living is to remain in the moment.  be aware, present, right now.  don't dwell on the past or let your mind run amok over the future.  just live fully right now.  when i do that i'm great;  when i don't, well, less that spectacular.  so let's do it! नमस xxoo

02/19/2008 evening.  better now.  full day in studio.  one foot, then the next.  redid floral; full bisque firing in by noon; stylized floral almost done.  a good day. नमस्ते

02/19/2008 tuesday morning.  ol' demons they are a risin'!  severe monkey brain last night . . . where i lay in bed and ideas bounce around like pin balls.  so strong even bounced into a couple dreams and woke me up.  pushing the envelope in the studio, trying new techniques, trying to expand my knowledge and decorative palate.  inspired by the 500 tiles book; bit of a double edge sword, that one.  of course thrilled to be included (yes, page 411 in case you have forgotten) but so much stellar work elsewhere in the book that it's brought back some insecurities.  typical human response, i suppose.  something great happens and you find the dark side.  if i can keep that part under control the rest is a good thing . . .  i'm being pushed to try new things, which will ultimately bring forth new fruit.  but change, as you know, is stressful, and so the ol' nasty tapes are trying to use it as an excuse to reestablish themselves ("that will never work! omg, you realllllly can't draw, can you??  amateur!).  you can see what i mean.  so must remember . . .art is not a competition.  i offer what i have.  i must reflect life through my eyes, not try and mimic someone else's vision.  my view is unique, and has merit.  learn learn learn.  just put one foot in front of the other and take the next right step.  namaste.  xxoo

02/16/2008 saturday morning.  raining, overcast.  reading nyt this morning has pushed my mood in a similar direction.  so many killings!! individual violence, institutional violence, mob violence.  makes you wonder about the state of the human experience these days.  i know the news tends to to exaggerate the negative, since that is all we hear about, but it's hard to ignore when it's on every page.  blatant disregard for life; and life is such a great, wonderful gift!  a view not universally shared, i'm afraid.  oh well, what to do?  start with myself, i guess.  live in peace, love self others, all life.  try to incorporate the universe in a single breath, understand.  make art. learn.  namaste. xxoo

02/14/2008 thursday.  just before 10 pm.  we'd been searching for a great friend for several months off and on; she'd moved to atlanta and we'd lost touch, as people do.  googled her and found someone who'd documented her 2007 show (she's a painter, kc art institute, have several of her works); on a lark I emailed the friend, and tonight l.b. contacted us!!  what a great thrill.  there are some people that you feel a connection with, even though you rarely see them and don't communicate often; at least i've had that happen a few times in my life.  l.b. is such a soulmate.  not sure why; not sure i need to.  just know i feel a great kinship with this person, and am delighted any time we connect. based on her email her life is swell, great grrrlfriend, great job, etc.  i'm looking forward to knowing more.  it's always fun when life hands you a chocolate . . . yum!!!  namaste.  xxoo

02/11/2008.  monday.  my how time flies.  monday already.  lots of work work ahead today.  what a week!  friday, quite by accident, i found out i had been included in the 500 tiles book; one of the most exciting moments of my life.  once in a lifetime opportunity, the way i see it, and to be included was a real thrill.  now on to more, better work.  namaste.  xxoo

02/06/2008 wednesday.  busy day today getting tiles finished and in the kiln.  i'm trying to be diligent without being manic;  think in this instance i was reasonably successful in that regard.  i'm finally beginning to experience art as process;  i've known intellectually for a long time that the art is really in the process of creation . . . the end object is simply the reflection of what has gone before.  good process, better art.  but this year i'm pushing for more quantity, not giving myself too much time to let fear overtake my process and keep me from making things.  and the more i make, the better i become, both technically and artistically.  at least that is the idea, and i think it works.  so today i finished a triptych of self-portraits - kindof.  i think really i was just the model, not so much about me directly, more about the condition we find ourselves in as sentient beings trying to make sense of the world.  perhaps no one else will see that in the work, but that's what was going through my mind.  and it was fun.  new glazes, bold designs.  so i'm anxious to see how they turn out.  and anxious for the next process!!  namaste.  xxoo

02/04/2008 monday.  getup offa that thang!  good gawd!  yep, you guessed it, the godfather of funk is holding court on the xm.  good gawd!  feels good just to say it over and over.  anyway, sorry i've been such a derelict.  busy busy busy.  trying to get a set of tiles into the woodstock kiln before we head back to tulsa saturday, but monday is already gone and it isn't looking too promising.  i'm trying to learn to take life as it comes . . . sometimes our expectations are unrealistic.  in fact ALL of our expectations are unrealistic.  expectations are an exercise in failure and not productive.  so let's get beyond tnem shall we?  instead lets live in the moment and experience life fully, completely in the now.  revolutionary, no?  simple?  kindof. and kindof not.  but i think a good choice.  working on a triptych of self portraits.  think they may be in process into april.  but i'll take it a moment at at time and do what i need to do at this moment.  that's all,  nothing else to do really;  calm our minds, forgo the past, quit manically creating futures in our mind that will never come true, and live now.  that's the goal.  let's start right now.  good gawd!  namaste.  xxoo.

01/29/2008.  tuesday midday.  having lunch; leftover cauliflower casserole and a meatloaf sandwich.  delicious.  kiln opening this morning; gods were rather kind.  all five pieces came out without breakage, general idea of each tile was achieved, with possible exception of "poppies";  initial impression is that it's just too much blue.  my perspective on these things changes over time, so i reserve the right to change my mind.  try to learn something specific from each tile;  from "the tear garden" learned that bolder use of line is a good idea;  from "enclosed, nancy dear . . . " bold color combos can work, etc. and so forth.  hopefully each lesson will be incorporated in future work for better results. sorry no pics yet;  just mounted tiles to board today, so that will need to dry before I attempt pictures.  be a couple of weeks.  i'll let you know on the blog when pics are posted.  tomorrow back up to the north country. namaste.  xxoo

01/27/2008,  sunday.  wow.  what a day.  major studio time. working like a dog to get last tile done . . . worked.  have a kiln full of new work.  fun.  good time.  tonight birthday party for good friend  r.p.  or should i say r(y)p!  one of our best friends for a very long time.  met his friend a. for real for the first time.  what a great hostess.  and hot!  if i were straight . . . but that ain't happinin' is it.  anyway. . . great day.  fun informative . . . blah blah blah.  namaste.  xxoo

01/24/2008 thursday.  whew.  two great days in the studio;  not too much work work either day, so got basically two full studio days.  as as result two more tiles done.  'poppies' kindof looks like alien plant life;  we'll see.  'revolution!'  is a riff on the iconic che guevara image. tired but happy.  have room and maybe time for one more before we go to woodstock on wednesday.  i'll give it a shot.  nice to know i can get some things done given enough free time.  learn learn learn.  namaste. xxoo

01/22/2008.  tuesday.  heath ledger died today; sad when anyone young dies, for whatever reason.  bad enough to die when we're old, but that's a bit more palatable in the scheme of things.  been working on work work last couple of days; nominal studio time, but i am going to finish another 12" square tomorrow;  kindof amorphous poppies in a blue and white palate.  at least at this stage it looks interesting.  we'll see.  hope to get at least one more tile done after this one before back to woodstock next week.  trying to have one significant tile for every week.  doesn't sound like a lot, but with work, travel etc. that seems to be the upper limit at this time.  if i'm successful getting 4 tiles done in tulsa plus the one already almost done in woodstock, i'll be on track.  that would be 5 tiles in 5 weeks.  rock on!  otherwise trying to get some additional pics out on the net through various venues, plus sending pics in for possible publication.  gotta keep it workin.  anyway, its all in good fun.  guess i'll see what's on the tube.  i'm sure the answer is nothing, but if it isn't too nothing i'll probably succumb.  namaste.  xxoo

01/19/2008.  sunday, late.  almost 10.  good day today.  quiet.  studio time.  lunch with parents.  dinner at home; made stroganoff.  good.  watched video on couch together.  now mr. b asleep, as is miss simone.  i'm here, at the computer, obviously.  weekend almost over, kindof.  tomorrow mlk day, so mr. b at home.  i'll have some work work to do.  my office doesn't take off.  but from home mostly.  hopefully time in the studio.  designed a new tile today.  poppies.  half-way done with waxing.  hopefully will finish tomorrow.  enjoyed the day, but sad that it is over.  tomorrow we will start again.  namaste.  xxoo

01/18/2008  saturday.

you're right up on top now. and you want to be free.  why you think you're too good - much too good for a nobody like me.  you're afraid to present me to friends of your set; oh well, i guess it's best. but how soon we forget all the fine things you said. and how just a little success, yes, just a little taste of success has gone straight to your head.  i hold in my hand three letters dear, each from three different stages of your fine, super-fine career.  the first letter started "nancy, darling, sweetheart, my wonderful one.  i'll always be grateful for the things that you've done."  the second letter came right after i gave you your start; yes, it came from your pen dear but not from your heart. the third; the third was the joker that came with the deck: "enclosed, nancy dear,  please  find  my  check . . ."  why you fool! you poor sad foolish, worthless fool.  do you think your money can pay for the hard years i suffered until things broke your way?!?  yes i smiled when you kissed me and i thrilled to your touch, my only sin was i loved you.  i loved you much too much.  i'm answering this letter to say we must part but i'm tearing it to pieces, just like you tore up my heart.  yes i'm sad, and i'm licked, and i haven't got a dime.  but i thank god, yes. i thank my god i found you out in time . . .

i'll get along somehow/nancy wilson/anthology disc 2.

namaste xxoo 

01/16/2008.  wednesday night.  back in the groove after a couple of days in the dumps.  woke up this am and decided i was the decider (hmmmmmm) and so i was going to decide to be done with the doldrums.  so i did.  and i got back to work in the studio, and will likely finish another tile tonight.  this one is tentatively called "enclosed, nancy dear, please find my check . . ."  after i finished it it reminded me of a bit of a lichtenstein riff.  we'll see if you agree once it is finished.  mr. b is reading picasso bio after a refreshing steam.  classical on the stereo.  otherwise same ol same ol.  namaste. xxoo

01/15/2008  tuesday afternoon.  mid-day post today.  been down the last couple of days;  not way down, but a bit.  insecure.  reminding myself these things come in waves.  up. down. up. down.  just ride it.  it's not a part of who i am; it's just something i'm experiencing.  something to learn from, hopefully.  don't get stuck.  float, like on the river, still still . . . yet moving.  no, i do not take drugs;  this is really how i think.  anyway, that's where i am.  work work most of today.  now it's about 3:30 and i'm headed out to the studio.  finished lalena yesterday.  something new today.  i'll try to listen to the muse.  namaste.  xxoo

01/13/2008.  sunday am.  listening to acoustic breakfast on wdst.com - you can listen on demand.  i suggest you check it out.  great show.  this morning carmel is started off with ryan adams and now rufus wainwright.  both great choices, and if i believed in such things a good portent for today. the sun is bright; crisp.  almost painful.  morning's are hard, especially the first hour or so.  not starving in africa hard, but spoiled white american hard.  sooo, second cup is the remedy.  made good progress toward waxing 'lalena' yesterday, but taking more time than i expected, of course.  had moments of insecurity, especially when i looked up 500 tiles book on amazon.  have to remember to do what i do.  evolve yes, but don't compare your work to others, at least not in that jealous way.  just do what you do.  we all contribute what we contribute, and that is a good thing.  we can revel in the beauty of everyone's work.  it often helps me to remember that we are all one, and therefore i can share in the credit for great work i see.  it's kind of a fun way to defeat the evil ego at it's own game.  or at least have a good laugh.  anyway, have create a great day.  namaste. xxoo

01/11/2008.  good evening.  oh yeah, tricked ya'll . . . bloggin' twice in one day - take that!  reminds me of the art exhibit we saw at dia beacon a few years ago.  there was an artist that painted the date on an eight by six canvas every day for twenty years or more.  just the date.  so today he would have painted "11 jan 2008".  that's it.  and the highlight of the exhibit was one day in the eighties where he actually painted the date TWICE in ONE DAY!!! WOW. Take that be-aaatch!  i've laught about that for years.  and yet it was in a major museum and i've remembered it for a long time.  guess he really had something there.  passage of time.  compulsion?!?  hmmm.  anyway, got busy in the studio today.  didn't tile the date;  instead designed the 'lalena' tile and transferred it to a 12" square tile.  tomorrow i get busy waxing (the tile that is).  i'll keep you posted and post picture as soon as it is done.  have a great night.  namaste.  xxoo

01/11/2008.  good morning.  yes, blogging in the light of day.  took a few days off;  thought i was thinking too much, getting repetitive, and boring myself.  so decided it was time to take action.  decided the next right thing was to hunker down and get some things done.  so i did.  wednesday and thursday hit the work work hard, getting through a couple of big projects and some regular stuff.  so today is the first day i'm ready to get back into the studio, and it's got me a bit scared.  ego starts playing with my head and telling me it won't be any good.  i'll have to journal and beat it back. bad ego! thwack!  so today i'm starting in on tile design based on donovan song 'lalena'.  get a visual when i listen that i want to translate into a tile.  namaste.  xxoo

01/08/2008.  yea!  happy mr. b's birthday to all!!!  back in tulsa now, in our cozy house, listening to rufus wainwright cover judy garland (yes, i know it's very gay).  anyway, good day.  trying to stay true to my concepts of no obligation or expectations . . . still not totally sold on it.  i think it sounds right, but yet it's an awfully foreign concept.  it's not that you don't continue to do good or right things; it's that you do them for a completely different reason.  i think obligation is nature's way of forcing us toward the good, even when we don't want to do it.  if we can transcend obligation, we can enter a place where we do the right thing simply because it is right. capisce? hmmmm.  i don't know, i'm just blogging here.  mr. b took off for his birthday, and seemed to have a nice relaxing day.  i tried to do a bit of work work, but didn't get too far.  instead i focused on being non-linear - being ok with doing a bit of this and a bit of that.  it will all add up to being done.  sometime.  so anyway here we are, living in the now (we hope).  namaste to all!!!!! xxoo

01/06/2008.  sunday.  late.  well, kindof.  7:15 pm.  why is it always so f$%*ing dark in here?? anyway.  just back from bear cafe.  great early dinner.  appetizers.  mr. b has moved on to planet z (know what im sayin?)

so i'm sitting here in the dark trying to f*&%&ng blog.  sorry i've been rather absent.  i'm in the middle of a debate with myself over the ideas of obligation and expectation . . . i'm thinking that both are a crock.  we should not act out of either obligation or expectation.  instead we should be totally in the moment and take the next step based solely on the idea of right action.  obligation and expectation involve ego . . . we are obligated because big "I" is expected to do x y or z . . . but by whom???? the truth is it is the big "I" itself that requires the action.  we constantly revolve around me me me.  guess what?  me is an illusion.  me is a crock.  if you can see through to recognize me as an illusion, as nothing more than a construct, then suffering starts to melt away.  can i be put upon if "I" don't exist??  i don't think so.  and what of expectation??  the stuff of suffering.  if i realize that we are all the same, we are all one, one big whatever, tben i realize that "I" can't expect anything, of myself (huh?) or of anyone or anything else.  just exist.  now.  then breathe.  breathe. breathe.  and then look around.  what do we see? what is the next right action? take it.  not out of expectation, not out of obligation, but only out of a realization of right action.  nothing else.  this is the stuff of living.  be, live, learn, now.  namaste.  xxoo.

01/03/2008.  thursday.  good studio day today.  working on new glaz tests; trying to expand my glaze vocabulary a bit for the new year.  trying some lava glaze (very rough) recipes, plus expanding on my schatz matte colors.  good mottling effect on the layering of the glossy white over schatz matte . . . many of the more interesting 2007 glazes were schatz matte with an overlay of glossy white.  anyway, good day.  very cold here in woodstock.  shoveled snow, worked in studio.  that was pretty much the day.  now listening to reggae music on xm and writing blog in near darkness.  yesterday took bus into nyc and saw august - osage county.  was good, but not great.  suffered from a bit of over-hype in nyt.  in chelsea went to clamp gallery and bought a painting by our friend stuart klein (see link on links page).  bought "mario red green blue" from late last century.  afterwards learned it was featured in article in woodstock times in 1997.  very pleased;  sent link to my mom, she thought it looked like satan.  just looks pensive to me.  so starting out the new year anxious to make some art.  glaze tests part of the process; have to lay the foundation.  i'll keep you informed.  namaste.  xxoo

12/30/2007 sunday.  quiet day today.  mostly work work, but tried to have a good balance;  read the nyt, worked for a brief time in the studio.  about 4:30 now.  gets dark here in woodstock very early.  will be completely dark by five.  it's ok though, part of the cycle.  mr. b made a roast for dinner, which smells delicious.  crock pot king, that one.  tonight snow warning - 5 to 10 they are saying.  working on my glaze tests.  haven't gotten too far yet, but laying the groundwork.  studio maintenance you might say.  simone needs here beauty treatment.  skin is dry again, but still better than before.  probably watch episode two of 'the line of beauty' tonight.  about gay guy in thatcher's england;  good so far.  guy is cute.  otherwise trying to keep it fun and easy.  in the moment, as you know.  namaste to all!  xxoo.

12/27/2007  thursday.  i'm very hot.  no, literally.  i've got two layers on and sitting in front of the fire in woodstock.  snow outside, a bit crusty at this point, but snow nonetheless.  mr. b cooking chili.  great christmas;  fun with both mr. b's family and my own.  or should i say both our families??  anyway, lot of fun all around.  my niece and nephew are growing literally before our eyes.  six months; then seven years, then 35 then 50 . . . i'm very interested to see how my niece and nephew progress through life.  other than my brother, they are the first family i've known (or remember) literally from birth.  the whole process of growing up, so unsure, so frightened (at least in my case) and then slowly, imperceptibly, becoming more aware, more of a "self" (whatever that means, if anything).  fascinating.  i watch them from a safe distance and reflect on my own memories of childhood.  at seven??? well, of the many things i remember about first grade, besides loving our teacher mrs. winbush, the mid-year teacher strike and being afraid of fifth graders, was writing the date on my large rule paper.  to make the story dramatic it was of course the first day of school.  whether that is literally true or not i'll leave the the historians.  but i clearly remember writing SEPTEMBER (fill in the actual date) 1967.  and then the next thought  . . . .  wow.  what will i be like in 2000?  will i have kids?  where will i live?  i did the math and figured out i'd be 39.  THIRTY NINE.  WOW.  that's really old!  older than mom and dad.  what will i be like, what will i be doing.  so far away, so long in the future.  and then 200 came, and went.  and 2001, 2002, etc. etc.  so now here we are on the cusp of another year, another chapter (really probably just one, very short chapter actually).  but fun; or if not fun at least interesting, don't you think?  well, i wish everyone, all uf us, together, seperately, all for one, one for all, an interesting and fun new year.  a year from now we'll review and compare notes, shall we???  what will i be like in 2027? hmmmmmm.  we'll see soon enough (or not!!).  namaste.  xxoo 

12/24/2007 monday.  really late.  after 11.  listening to nancy wilson anthology . . . just finished cleaning kitchen from christmas eve festivities.  what a mess!  just about got it though.  tired.  ready for bed.  glad tidings to all and a merry merry xmas!  namaste. xxoo

12/23/2007 sunday.  almost forgot to blog today.  after 8pm.  updated new stuff and added old stuff 2007, since new year is approaching.  today low key.  a little bit of final gift shopping, cooking dinner, updating website, jogging.  typical stuff.  trying to remember not to separate daily life from art; every waking moment should inform, and be informed by your art.  period.  sometimes too easy to make art "special" (as in "isn't that special?!) when really it should be your minute to minute existence.  every moment, fully aware, learning being part of creation and reflecting it back.  that's all art is.  nothing more, nothing less.  sounds easy, huh?  but we all know it doesn't tend to work that way.  the more we try the easier it gets, and the more natural and true.  you guys are probably tired of listening to me talk about all this stuff, but i think it is important,  at least i do this moment.  tomorrow may be a different story.  anyway, namaste.  regards,  xxoo

12/22/2007 saturday.  late again, at least for me.  after 9.  blogging seeming to becoming a before bed activity, while journaling is first thing in the morning.  frames the day.  somewhat mistaken in yesterday's blog, i think.  to see death as loss is to cling to the idea of separateness - the ego staking it's claim to live as a separate entity for all time.  but of course this is pure fantasy.  we simply need to accept death as a part of life, and quit giving it some kind of special significance as an object of fear.  at least that's what i'm thinking today.  plus don't take my word on what buddhist philosophy says;  that's just my interpretation.  probably would have been better to just say it's what my gut tells me.  that's all.  nothing more.  anyway, great day together with mr. b.  some errands for the holiday, saw the bob dylan movie.  cate b. was amazing.  to bed now.  ta ta.  namaste.  xxoo

12/21/2007 friday.  i had one of those intense feelings this evening on the way home from b & j's - looking over at mr. b, had an overwhelming feeling of love and kinship.  i think those feelings are always intensified by the third glass of wine (oh really?!?) but still true.  i sometimes wonder if such thoughts aren't really a masked fear of loss . . .you realize in one split moment what you cherish so intensely will one day be gone.  one of us will succumb, and the other will be left with the memories. then we both will be gone, and perhaps remembered by others, maybe not.  inevitable i suppose, but somehow sad nonetheless . . . buddhist thought would teach us that all of this is temporal, not unlike wisps of smoke in the air.  real, yes, but fleeting.  beautiful both in its delicacy and, in some measure, in its transience.  and that should be ok. too much wine, no?  anyway,  all reinforces the need to live, love, experience now.  don't wait.  namaste!!  xxoo

12/20/2007 thursday.  oh my.  feels so late.  real time is just after nine-thirty pm.  just back from dinner with friends r & s - lots of fun.  s was feisty this evening.  already set up coffee service for tomorrow, donned my terry robe and taken out my contacts.   blogging last official act before bed, although i'm contemplating seeing what's on tivo.  stayed up way too late late night - had to catch project runway (last week's episode - didn't tape due to blackout).  so up past eleven.  then today was busy again with work work.  think we've about figured it out.  glad to report that christmas firing turned out well - the few quibbles i had with the results were minor.  note to ceramists - if you use my favored wax resist technique don't forget to exaggerate the wax line - the glaze tends to spread during firing, and i didn't pay attention to that fact on the m & d floral.  as a result got a bit of overlap in the glazes.  but otherwise good.  great news yesterday - my byrdcliffe pottery instructor meg oliver was selected as the cover for january issue of ceramics monthly.  meg is a true potter - great porcelain functional ware, with a beautiful sense of design.  anyway, very excited for her.  please check out the january ceramics monthly when you are in borders or barnes & noble.  that's all i have the energy for tonight.  namaste to all.  xxoo

12/19/2007 wednesday.  quite a day of work work; it's about 5:30 pm now, and had several "problems" that arose.  kept me in a bit of a manic mode for most of the day - tried to keep my sense of balance and not feel too rushed, but hard to do when you want to do a good job and feel that others are depending on you.  but in the grand scheme of things still pretty small potatoes.  eagerly awaiting results of christmas firing; still at about 120 celsius, and can't open the kiln until lower than 100.  i prefer to let it get even lower, since 100C is still the boiling point of water (oohh that's hot!), and i think it's just safer to let the work get closer to room temp.  i thought today i've probably made my last piece for 2007, and even though i know the year end / year beginning is really just a human construct, it does seem to be a time to look back and reflect on the progress made throughout the year.  when i started 2007, i still felt rather directionless in my artwork, and extremely insecure.  sometime around mid-year i had a minor epiphany, and decided that my best work would be whatever was most true to myself - no more worrying about what was "good" or "bad" - instead i would start focusing on what was true.  big big difference, mentally and, as it turns out, in the physical world as well.  i decided that whatever the "muse" (another construct, surely, but a helpful one) told me to make, i'd make.  as a result i felt an explosion of creativity the last half of the year.  more productive, more interested, more of everything.  i think in the old days it is what we would call a groove.  and boy is it groovy!  i'm feeling that my most recent work is indeed "true" or at least "truer" and as a result better.  so now i'm looking forward to 2008 with many many ideas in my head, and ready to get to work. i'm not looking forward too much, since that would mean i'm not living in the moment, right?  maybe taking that a bit too far.  anyway.  let's do it!  namaste.  xxoo

12/18/2007.  ahhhhhhhhh.  back on the grid after eight long days shivering in the cold and dark.  we have learned, hopefully, not to take our modern conveniences for granted.  did learn how to fix meals over the open flame, my best effort during the week  being baked halibut with a dried herbs and butter sauce, mustard greens and crowder peas with onions.  delicious.  another week and i'd have had enough for a cookbook.  as it is i'll stick with ceramics.  sorry to all my loyal blog readers for being absent for such a long time; be assured it was not due to anything other than the power outage.  but now i'm back and glad for it.  about to finish up christmas gifts and put them in the kiln today, where the kiln gods will take over.  just in time!!  it was going to be a bit of a thin christmas if the power hadn't come back (i.o.u's all around!)  but now looks like that fate is to be avoided.  yesterday had a few moments of clarity, driving to skiatook to m&d's to do a week's worth of laundry.  a great sense of peace and unity as i looked over the scarred landscape; no words, nothing more profound than driving along, but felt present in the now and unity with all things.  was nice to experience, however briefly.  had been concerned that i was spouting new age gobbledy gook without much effect.  but by keeping the concepts of presence and equanimity at my fingertips it's more likely that i will live that way, however sporadically.  plus it isn't that i won't be blue, or incoherent or stupid at times, but instead that i will recognize these moments as fleeting and separate from my core being, and by doing so be better able to pull myself back to center.  anyway, enough of that.  time to get to work!  lot's to do today.  namaste to all.  xxoo

12/9/2007 sunday.  morning now.  just finished a yummy rice flour pancake.  listening to acoustic breakfast on wdst.  fire flickering, ice on the trees. nice.  today i'm excited about taking responsibility to create a beautiful day.  fun, easy, interesting.  hoping to have a good studio day - one more christmas tile to go!  i'm hoping to have it completely done today.  going to church at 11:30.  yes, non-religious people go to church - they're called unitarians.  today's topic is "is your life an illusion?".  sounds very buddhist i think.  so should be interesting.  drop by party this evening.  probably skip exercise because of the weather.  or maybe not!  i'll live in the moment and just see what happens.  have a great day! namaste.  xxoo

 p12/08/2007 saturday.  it's late now, at least late for me.  after 10 pm.  mr. b has gone to bed, and dear miss simone has passed out on her bed of pillows.  almost didn't blog today - last night went out with l & s and had a nice conversation with mr. l - clear he was actually reading my blog, which i guess is the point (??).  anyway, he asked me why i was blogging, and i was caught between answers.  at first i wanted to make some grand statement about communicating with all of mankind; my next impulse was to say i was starved for attention and wanted to be noticed; but on reflection i don't think either of these is even near correct.  i think somehow i want to understand myself, and by extension life or living, or what any of that means . . . somehow writing makes me confront that, my fears i mean.  it somehow takes you outside yourself and makes you observe what is going on, rather than just blindly going through it unaware.  i think i just want to live right now.  be aware right now. hmm.  anyway, i think that's why i'm writing this.  at least that's my current narrative.  as i learn more i hope to make more sense.  namaste.  xxoo

12/7/2007 friday.  weird day today.  now around 5:30, waiting for l & s to come by for annual holiday dinner.  awoke late today, probably due to late night in studio followed by an ill-advised antihistamine.  allergies have been terrible lately.  after awaking went for a jog, then work work until s.t. arrived for late lunch and shopping.  mr. b off today, so we all tooled around utica square.  fairly good today at staying present and in the moment.  well, at least sort of ok.  whole day ran past in a whir.  now to melting pot with l & s, which should be a good time. never been.  no studio time today, which was a bummer, but at least got 5th christmas tile nearly done last night.  should have good studio day tomorrow.  namaste!

12/6/2007 thursday.  i've decided one of my major problems is that i have a constant, underlying feeling that i should be doing something else.  all the time.  no matter what i'm doing i am constantly questioning - in the studio?  perhaps i should be spending more time with mr. b.  working?  should really make studio time more of a priority.  should spend more time with friends - quit wasting time writing in that stupid blog - what about exercise?  that stupid little voice drones on and on and on.   very mild i admit, but insidious.  and harmful i think.  so i've decided to recognize this as a detriment to my well being and defeat it by recognizing that "me" is separate from my individual thoughts, i can look at them more objectively and determine their merit or demerit.  in this way they loose there power to control - instead i control my thoughts rather than my thoughts controlling me.  so this is my focus for today, to free myself from the constant living in the "should" and instead live now in the what is.  wish me luck! namaste xxoo

12/4/2007 tuesday.  no studio time yet.  almost 4 o'clock.  worked on work work today.  busy, but promised myself if i worked until 2:30 i could spend rest of day in studio.  so far ran errands, now back blogging.  gonna make it quick so i can get to work.  3 christmas tiles ready for kiln - 3 more to go.  whipping them out.  hope to do one per day.  so far so good.  faster than usual.  trying to keep from over-thinking design, colors, etc.  that's what slows me down, and usually i get better results when i get out of the way and let the muse have it's way.  namaste.  xxoo

12/3/2007 monday now.  skipped blogging yesterday intentionally.  i'd been using my journal writing as my blog, and decided it just wasn't a good idea.  i needed a more private space than this forum allows.  just the perception of being observed changes the nature of what was happening.  i read one time that this even happens on a subatomic level; the act of observing particles changes there behavior.  hard to believe in quarks; not so hard to believe in human beings.  so i'm giving my privacy back to myself.  in an odd place emotionally last two days no known reason, but a bit down.  trying to take the buddhist approach and separate myself from it, recognize that the feeling isn't me, and that it is a temporary phenomenon.  good couple of days in the studio.  trying to make some whimsical 6" tiles for christmas gifts.  two done so far.  pleased.  went into work this morning for meeting, and about to get started on project for work.  would rather be in studio, but these things are all part of the mix.  namaste xxoo

12/1/2007 saturday

ahhh. saturday.  not sure why saturday should hold any special feeling, especially since i mostly work from home, but it still holds a certain sway.  today the family came over and we all went to lunch then to the philbrook to see the festival of trees.  looked better the second time, i have to say.  very crowded.  it was fun to see the gingerbread houses with my niece; through the eyes of a child. my piece hadn't sold, which probably means it won't sell before the end of the festival tomorrow.  first time for that, but it's ok.  i've come to realize that i must do things that speak to me, irrespective if others get them or not.  it's all a process, mostly a conversation with the universe (if i can be a bit new agey) and trying to find my authentic voice.  was fortunate to get a bit of studio time in yesterday.  tonight we are off to j and v's wedding, then tomorrow hopefully a full studio day.  really blustery now, but not cold.  sweater was fine. so remember to learn from all experiences - no expectations, no judgments.  live fully in the moment. namaste. xxoo

11/30/2007 friday

keeping busy this week, with everything but studio work.  all needs to be done, but when i get in these situations i often wonder if there isn't some avoidance going on.  yesterday took several pieces down to brushworks for the christmas season - c & m going to rotate them into the gallery as space permits.  got my christmas postcards all done and ready to mail today.  had to mess with the microwave install - we got a bad maytag and i had to go find a replacement at sears that was in stock.  a bit of a hassle, but tried to keep in all in perspective.  second replacement is to be delivered and installed tomorrow.   so this morning trying to stay present - a bit off in this respect starting out - a little off the mark.  slightly ill at ease.  now is a good time to reach into my bag and pull out equanimity - remember that all of this is in my head, stand back and observe what is happening.  banish unreasonable fears - remember that in reality it is quite easy.  just need to act on that truth.  also, need to remember that being present and aware doesn't mean you won't have such feelings, just that you will be able to recognize them for what they are; a transient and rather unimportant wash over the brain that will soon be replaced with something else.  by recognizing it for what it is, it looses its power over you.  yes, that's it.  it derives its power from my belief in it, so when i am able to step back and see it clearly, it actually looks a little goofy.  so that makes me feel better almost immediately.  yeah!  ok, so remember to accept equanimity as a natural state.  cultivate it.  live within the beauty of life and participate in it.  life is fun and easy - right now.  no need to wait for some future event or thing or person.  it's all here within me right at this moment.  and what a great moment! namaste xxoo

11/29/2007 thursday

good morning.  i've decided to drop the word "atheist" from my personal description.  i think by using the word it's much too easy to fall into the "yes or no" mentality of most religionists - for us or against us.  i think the question of the existence of an external, devine being, in addition to being unknowable, is also irrelevant and frankly no longer very interesting.  should my actions in the now be any different based on the answer to this question?  i think not.  if i am living authentically in the now, my actions should be the same either way.  moral.  kind.  centered in the overwhelming joy of existence.  whether there is a god is really beside the point and distracting.  so i choose to eschew the question and move on.  life is too precious and time too valuable to engage in these debates, even with oneself.  i'll use my mind instead to learn how to live more authentically, full of joy, love and hopefully wisdom.  i call that time well spent.  yesterday got several errands done - today i'm hoping to take some work down to c & m's gallery.  last night r.c. came by and took const #1 (green) home on approval.  he's been so supportive - a good friend.  o.k. remember to drag yourself back into now if you start to stray.  no negative fantasies.  observe and learn.  remember the connectedness of all things.  equanimity! you are everything you need to be at this moment.  you have everything you require.  simply do the next right thing, fully present and aware.   create a day full of fun and wonder.  namaste xxoo

11/28/2007 wednesday

oh my - i'm not sure i've ever been so sleepy.  allergies acting up last night so took antihistamine.  they really knock me out.  but i'm on my 1st cup, which will hopefully bring me back to life.  blustery outside.  yesterday was a great day in which nothing much happened.  traveled back to t-town w/o incident.  took the ride back as an opportunity to reflect on mindfulness, and how my unease and anxiety (suffering in buddhist parlance) seems directly related to the illusion of separation from others and from all of life.  a tenacious belief system that gives rise to fear, jealousy , insecurity.  when i detach from these thoughts and actually cultivate a sense of connectedness to others, these negative emotions and thoughts subside, and i'm left with a sense (at least a greater sense) of joy and well being.  sometimes it's rather fleeting, but with practice it seems to be getting better and better.  learned the work equanimity yesterday - the ability of the mind to stay grounded an focused, able to observe and analyze situations w/o being caught up in them.  my paraphrasing.  this fits into what i've been describing as detachment.  i like the new word better.  so today i will continue to focus on equanimity, training and learning as i go.  should be fun.  since just back will have lots of errands today - stay focused and aware throughout.  remember the connectedness of all people, events, places, objects, things.  revel in the overwhelming bizarre experience of life.  you are exactly what is required at this moment.  enjoy!! namaste.  xx00

11/26/2007 monday

good morning.  monday.  guest are gone now - e went back to the city yesterday around 3.  loved having our friends up, but also love the quiet time alone.  today wet, overcast and mild.  cleaning today - always clean day before departure.  got extra dirty this trip w/ all  the activity.  i've done no artwork for 10 days, absent however much art points i want to attribute to website creation.  but that's ok.  know going in this trip would end up as a hiatus from making stuff.  now anxious for that to end - ready to begin anew.  think though that anxious may not be the best reaction - should be glad for respite and simply ready to move forward.  anxious implies ongoing for something different than what is - which doesn't seem very present to me.  most likely over-thinking though - seems a bit ott in the analysis dept.  so back to tulsa tomorrow and hopefully back in the creative routine.  nice long walk w/ e yesterday - all the way to reynolds lane and back.  she gave me her thoughts on art education etc.  as a working artist i find her insights both useful and interesting.  she talked about the possibility of doing both "safe" and "experimental" work - don't want to go there, at least not yet.  i need all my work to be straight from the muse - no exceptions.  i'm still getting my feet wet, and can't afford an overlay of commercial concerns to derail me.  so i'll keep it simple, and simply make art that speaks to me.  if others find it interesting great, but not really the point.  so remember today to be in the moment, easy and fun.. already to the end of page 2, which makes time to sing out.  namaste xxoo

11/25/2007 sunday

time continues to flow by; sometimes i can't believe another day is gone!  good morning. sunday now. b's headed back go mi today - we've really had a terrific time with them plus all the other guests this trip.  beautiful sunshine outside.  quiet music.  e came up from city yesterday for yoga with bob and late lunch with all of us in tannersville.  then letterboxing with b and art upening in windham.  back to woodstock for e's home made lasagna (low carb!).  really fun time with friends.  this morn discussed briefly zen - e going to meditation this morning in mt tremper.  b explaining zen's focus on the now and living each ordinary moment - sounds like a familiar theme of mine!  b. being very anti-zen by checking hsi calendar back o 1997.  monkey brain last night.  woke up planning art, composing blog, insecurities welling up, taking over.  had to remember to detach, observe rather than be swept up in the thought or emotion.  especially with ego-based mind f#%&!.  it looses it's power when you recognize it for what it is and separate yourself from it.  wasn't too bad thought.  otherwise slept well = going to cuba for a haircut and have sex.  missing my plane back - flying around a bit.  now on 2nd cup.  o.u. won - b. is happy.  everyone around me checking the computer.  simone is sleepy.  todya i focus on living in the moment.  simply doing the next right thing without too much analysis.  remembering that we are all one - no searation.  electricity flickering on and off.  remain quiet - remove expectations.  accept what is now without judgment.  stop judging yourself.  vie yourself a break!  your exactly as you need to be at this moment.  all resources are available to you.  revel in the joy of life! namaste xxoo

11/23/2007 friday

good morning.  day after turkey.  sun is shining.  h is reading his buddhist tome and yawning.  b & b discussion recipes in the kitchen while b cooks chili for lunch.  2nd cup.  was thinking again about accepting things as they are, without judgment.  it seems that a great deal of time is wasted judging our circumstances, rather than just living within them, taking the next right step.  so much energy sees to be wasted on judgment, and to what effect?  just suffering really.  easier and more fun to take it as it comes, learning from whatever situation you are in.  and what about creating our own reality - certainly there is some truth to that idea, since how we perceive a situation fundamentally changes it.  at least it seems so to me.  any way enough of that.  quiet now, peaceful.. classical christmas playing very lightly on the radio.  b & h both checking the computer.  as you probably have figured out i'm writing.  h is going across the street to wake up c - she is about to miss breakfast.  b's friends coming in for lunch - will be fun.  that's about it i think.  just sitting quietly and awaiting breakfast.  so reminders - stay present and aware.  easy and fun.  keep your artist eye open - look  observe learn engage.  respect yourself and others. one with all things.  remember how life is an amazing experience.  keep the wow in your mind.  makes for a more interesting day - either it's a miracle or not - i choose to believe it is.  namaste.  xxoo

11/22/2007 thursday

good morning - thanksgiving.  beautiful foggy morning.  2nd cup of coffee.  b's in late tues night (1am).  great fun yesterday, despite having to work.  a bit of shopping, pizza for lunch - champagne and obsessing over how gorgeous j.g. is - everyone shares the same opinion - he is a god.  s.k. came over late in the afternoon to loan us his turkey platter.  his mother fell on tuesday - amazingly no broken bones.  if she's not up to going to b.j.'s they may join us for turkey.  h and c coming in on the 10:30 bus.  should be fun.  woke this am missing m & d; have to give them a call this am before things get too hectic.  turkey was brined last night (as instructed by m.s.) and is currently resting at room temp for 2 hours before it gets martha's wine/butter bath.  yum.  didn't stay very mindful yesterday - got frustrated w/ work, plus all the activity w/ friends.  didn't pay attention like i should have.  try and do better today.  got my cw studios email out tuesday - thank goodness.  will do card mailing after holiday.  so today my focus will be on having fun with good friends, staying in the moment accepting my place in the universe.  knowing that all i need at this moment is at my disposal - fun and easy.  remember how glorious it is to be alive.  life is such an incredible experience.  pay attention!  create a day full of love, fun, learning.  all are one.  live within the flow - still but always moving.  namaste.  xxoo

11/20/2007 tuesday

good morning.  tuedsay now.  writing journal in semi-darkness.  lamp shade broken and bob can't bear a lit lamp w/o the shade.  but i don't mind.  after 20 years i've grown accustomed to such things, and i've even grown to love them.  yesterday was major busy - determined to work through website issued and embed "1942 report" font into my web pages.  major learning curve.  what should have been a straightforward exercise turned into a great exercise in patience and tenacity.  finally had a breakthrough yesterday afternoon.  so between that and work kept busy all day.  tried to dissuade myself from being rushed.  article in shambala sun last month talked about how we create unwarranted sense of urgency, which in turn subsumes us in random thoughts and emotion - the opposite of mindfulness! so intentionally tried to reject sensations of urgency when in fact there was nothing truly urgent.  i think it really boils down to insecurity - if i can't get this done right now the first time without struggle i am somehow unworthy, or will be perceived as less than excellent.  all in your mind dude!  no one else cares about such rubbish.  so i reject it.  S.K.  had exceptional show at WAAM - i was so peased for him.  his pieces really sang.  inspirational.  anyway, have a great day.  no - create a great day.  love, peace, productivity, calm.  present and in the now.  observing, engaging, leaning, teaching!  free from fear!  one with all beings ideas objects.  no separation.  no fear.  fully alive.  i embrace my place in the scheme.  namaste.  xxoo

11/18/2007 sunday

good morning.  sunday before tgiving.  h called at 9am adn woke me.  it was a good thing, since it was time.  to bed at 9, but sinus kept me up another hour.  once that subsided i was able to get to sleep and slept well.  i needed it - this last week, and even before that, has not been kind to my rest pattern.  i'm used to 10 or 11 hours a night, which i haven't seen since before i got sick.  good to be back to normal.  i awoke this morning thinking about mindfulness.  seems like its becoming easier w/ practice.  to be able to detach yourself from the myriad of thoughts that course (or curse) through your mind seems to be critical to a more self-aware, and therefore happier existence.  it also seems to keep you firmly in the now, or at least drag you back to it whenever you stray.  i suppose it is really just a construct, but it certainly seems to be a helpful one.  serves to free you from fear and longing, or at least it seems that way to me.  and it's easier to learn constantly - if you aren't paying attention how will you learn anything?  so for now it's a new and useful tool.  very excited about the possibilities.  so mindful, aware, now.  you are all part of the universal soul.. revel in the glory of all people and all things.  life is easy and fun - create a day that reflects this reality.  observe, learn engage.  life is fascinating and marvelous - reflect this reality in all that you do.  namaste!  xxoo

11/17/2007 saturday

hello!  sat afternoon.  woodstock.  missed posting blog yesterday, got busy w/ work, then b & i had errands.  met hilarious saleslady at sears buying microwave.  then more work, then philbrook in the evening.  was disappointed in the f.o.t. this year - they had it in the rotunda "hallway" again and unfortunately had crammed all the artwork together - very unflattering to everyone's work.  they need to rethink their display.  anyway, that's done.  now in woodstock - yea!  we've been enjoying tulsa more and more, but there is just something about woodstock - the creative vibe is palpable here, plus of course all the natural beauty.  amazingly we still have some fall color - all the leaves haven't dropped yet.  fire is raging.  bob is reading.  doobie's are takin' it to the street. after i finish writing i'll try and get some work work done.  really want to get it over with before too long or at least as soon as possible.  easy flights thsi morning, although 4am is never easy.  it's great to get here early though.  stopped at sunfrost and loaded up on veggies, flowers, etc.  was able to stay pretty mindful yesterday - it was enjoyable.  i've decided at this stage i can't expect not to have random neg thoughts, but i can observe them and control them - rather than having them control me.  that felt good.  anyway - stay mindful - keep your eyes open, listening to the muse, ready to learn from everyone and everything.  joyous and playful.  productive.  easy and fun.. revel in teh now.  namaste.  xxoo

11/15/2007 thursday

good morning.  8 am.  today i have to work work - c called late yesterday and we are ready to move forward w/review.  i'll try and get through it this morning.  sleepy of course - 1st cup.  wild dreams last night - lots of fun.  floods, redecorating, sex.  it was all in there!  very vivid.  i often wonder if my blood sugar is low when i have such dreams.  low b.s. seems to get you down to the basics, and that usually involves lots of sex and fear.  yesterday was productive.  feeling good about website changes.  went in a bit of a different direction and ended up coloring in my main page pics.  looks good.  still no marketplace though.  hoping i can plow through that later today. and get my emails off tomorrow.  then maybe cards next week.  i'm probably censoring my comments knowing that i'm blogging this - usually i'm much more descriptive of my sex dreams - not today though.  ok - so reminders.  i keep going back to that quote of dolly parton - something about i refuse to limit myself because other people can't accept me doing something else - i'll have to find the specific quote.  that's a good one though.  i will not let others expectations pigeonhole me.  instead i ust follow the muse - keep my artistic eye open and learn.  i will make whatever i'm told to make - period.  helps keep ego out of it.  so i accept my place in the universe.  i revel in life and learning.  i create love and joy.  go for it dude.  xxoo

11/14/2007 wednesday

omg - wednedsday am  soooo sleepy. just after 8.  B is still here - he seems to be a bit more casual about leaving for work which is a good thing.  simone is getting a drink of water.  sneezing.  a bit blustery outside.  i started blog yesterday and immediately ego kicked in - neg fantasies.  fear.  what if i offend someone?  etc. etc.  of course it is just old tapes rearing ugly head.  so what can i learn?  i have a choice #1, i don't have to do it if i don't want to.  but if you fear it perhaps it is best to confront it.  a tool for growth, eh?  so i'll keep at it at least for now.  my fallback is to redact anything i don't want out there. very cia don't you think?  made me think of cm, since she is such a gifted writer and this is not in that category, nor is it meant to be.  just another way ego tries to turn everything into a competition.  i reject it.  also started thinking about what to write - composing rather than free-form thoughts just jotted down.  uh-uh - it's not that either.  so after thinking a bit i came to the conclusion that the blog will be a great tool to keep me mindful and aware - a reminder of the traps i am overcoming and a means of fighting them.  so hurrah for the blog!  whu-hu! so remember to stay mindful today.  accept your place as piece of larger universe - reflecting back the glory and wonder.  love and respect yourself - others - all entities and objects.  life is magnificent.  revel in it!  namaste xxoo

11/13/2007 tuesday

good morning.  tuesday.  been working on my website.  stayed up late last night doing it - 11:30.  it's ok though.  making progress.  wanted to add floating animations to main page - i'll worry about that later.  also thought i probably need to add link to myspace - keep up with the times.  i'm finally feeling substantially better physically.  main symptoms have subsided and other than being really sleepy i feel pretty good.  after i write blog i'll get back to work on website.  it's fun, albeit a lot of work.  i'm liking the new look - a bit of retro comic book.  childlike.  a bit mod.  i've got main page pretty much done.  also going to try and get galleries done next.  maybe add c.v.  second cup finally kicking in.  last night jb came over and we went out to dinner.  ran into dc and all ate.  was able to stay mindful throughout.  a bit       - seemed a bit             and              .  i stepped back and was able to analyze - remind myself to stay engaged and learn.  so it was good.  simone is half-asleep on ottoman - i guess i should go ahead and hop in shower after toast - be ready for work whenever c calls.  ok, so remember to live now and in the moment.  stay mindful.  accept all the gifts and give them away.  prism of light.  keep artist eye open.  observe engage learn.  don't rush.  all of life is in the mind - create a beautiful day with the resources at hand.  no negative fantasies.  open to the muse - ideas washing over and through.  always keep ego in check and at bay. namaste. xxoo

artistic growth is, more than it is anything else, a refining of the sense of truthfulness - willa cather

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