07/21/2008 monday.  monday now (why do i think it's tuesday?).  great day in the studio; just a bit of work work.  made progress on framing two out of three of the "hello, my name is . . ." triptych.  The smashy smashy thing didn't get too far; didn't look arty, just looked broken.  so i salvaged what i could and decided to remake the errant piece, since it was part of a triptych, and a triptych with only two pieces doesn't make a lot of sense.  but the other two pieces are complete and fine, so i'll do what is needed to get the job done.  otherwise fine.  a bit lonely.  namaste.  xxoo

07/19/2008 saturday.  just because i am alone i see no reason to be denied a good meal.  coals are heating up for grilled steak with onions, and a side of my version of yorkshire pudding (pita bread soaked in veggie broth with peas and tomatoes).  early evening.  great day in studio.  mounted smashed karen today.  likey likey.  also got broken piece of ego triptych back in the kiln.  once it is done plan to smash all three pieces of triptych then glue them back together.  maybe a little arty i know, but i think it will fit the mood and message of the piece. smash it all, yes that's it, smashy smashy!! also painted iron oxide on all of the pieces of the totem.  next is to fire the iron oxide in, then start in on the decals.  whew!  this s#%t is a lot of f&$%in& work.  but fun.  hot today.  spend most of the day in shorts and a ball cap.  i don't mind the heat really.  makes me feel connected with nature, since no ac. missing mr. b.  when you are used to the company of someone you love being alone takes some getting used to.  but i know i will see him soon, and being alone does create new ways of learning.  so it's all good.  tonight another movie.  an indie romance starring parker posey (i loves me some parker posey!).  anyway, something to do while alone (no offense to miss simone).  namaste to all.  xxoo c

07/17/2008. thursday.  after six.  just finished another full day of work work.  getting close now.  hope tomorrow is the nail in the coffin (so to speak).  good news blog readers:  my submittal for active membership to the woodstock artist association was accepted.  submitted five works, solstice (self-portrait) 2006, chained dog (2007), dreams of nahum (2007), solstice (2008) and receding youth (2008).  You can see them on the new stuff and 2007 and 2006 gallery pages. A jury of five artist and art educators selected the new members.  i guess it's kind of like being in the acadamie des beaux-arts (you think?!).  Well, maybe not quite but still nice to have the validation.  Looked like about 25 or 30 applicants, and about 10 accepted.  i was prepared either way; i still think no matter what you just have to do what you do.  if other people like it or not is irrelevant.  as long as you are true to your vision, then it is real art.  if not, well . . . namaste.  xxoo c

07/15/2008.  tuesday. omigawd. does time fly or what?? tuesday now.  watching star trek vi:  the undiscovered country.  some terrible treachery has just unfolded; have yet to know the source or the outcome.  taking a break to blog.  in the "real" world had two great calls; bt and bdh called t check up, also to make future plans.  great to hear from them.  then jb called from bear week in p-town.  whu hu! oh, wait, no, that's not what i meant:  WHU HU!  to hear him tell it a great time is being had by all. oh yeah.  so kudos for that . . . waiting for all the great pics. mr. b having family trauma; cousin near death.  always a sad thing.  otherwise just work work here. one foot, then the next.  soon enough will see it through. life goes on. namaste.  xxoo c

07/13/2008. sunday.  late now, almost ten.  lightly raining outside; windows open, so sound and moisture permeating the room.  otherwise quiet.  struggling to type in an otherwise dark room; only light is light from computer screen, regularly interrupted by bugs attracted to the light.  fun day.  took a break from work work and played in the studio.  smashed up some old stuff and put it back together.  all in an attempt to see things anew; things that were once "failures" are now being resurrected as art.  hopefully an apt metaphor for life.  acutely missing mr. b at times today, although i think that it is ultimately very healthy to have time apart.  i'm approaching my days differently, listening, looking more closely, i think learning some things.  i don't have to create misery in mr. b's absence to love him totally and completely; that is an old tape concocted from bad hollywood romances.  love is about joy, not misery.  so even when we are apart i celebrate our oneness; our connection.  and i look forward to our reunion.  in the meantime i will keep my own company and take solace in my own counsel.  namaste.  xxoo c

07/12/2008 saturday.  have been having fun with a reunion of sorts with a friend of mine from first grade; he uncovered mrs. winbush's highland elementary 1968 class pic and decided to google me;  found my website and we've been emailing back and forth.  exchanged pics (he's quite handsome) and been catching up a bit.  His memory is amazing; he remembers things from our childhood that i either only vaguely recall or not at all.  i find it interesting to think back on all of those kids you knew; how their lives have progressed, one day after another, just like yours, but different. and every once in a while they think back to their childhood, and somewhere in the picture there you are; at the birthday party, on the playground, at summer camp.  interesting to think about.  oh well.  namaste.  xxoo

07/11/08 friday.  friday already.  mr.b flew back to t-town wednesday am, so simone and i have been on our own for a couple of days.  despite missing him, i thing we are holding up rather well.  i've had tons of work work, so that has kept me away from the studio; a bummer yes, but i'm trying to take it as it comes.  i can suffer if i want to, but it's at my own hand, so i try to keep that in mind.  right now waiting for our friend and artist extrodinaire s.k. to come by.  he's going to give me his opinions on which works i should submit to the artist association for consideration of "active" membership.  a jury of peers determines if my work is up to snuff; i guess they are trying to determine who is a "real" artist. hmmm. not sure i like the concept, and not sure why i need to be an active member, but it's one more chance to get feedback and keep the process going, so i'm going to do it.  monday is the day.  i'm a bit restricted by what is here locally; they judge from actual work, so can't exactly give them work that is in tulsa, can i??  i'll let you know how that works out.  in honor of our friend j.b. heading off to bear week in  p-town, i've changed my desktop background to gay bear porn star Jack Radcliffe (a clean pic, i assure you, and don't ask how i know about such things - it's called social anthropological research, people!). anyway he is quite a physical specimen.  The epitome of masculine, if you ask me.  for you adults out there you can google his name and check it out.  namaste.  xxoo c

07/08/2008 tuesday.  mr. b heads back to t-town tomorrow; miss simone and i to hold down the fort in woodstock for three weeks.  hope to make it a studio intensive; all spare time in studio, trying new things, experimenting (guess that is the same thing?).  about half of the totem sculpture is in the kiln;  other half later in the week.  then laser transfers, if tests prove promising.  trying to reimagine "failed" tiles from the past and re-use or somehow rework into art.  trying to see a bit differently.  warmer here now; actually feels like summer for the first time.  work work too. all good.  namaste. xxoo

07/05/2008.  saturday.  ah-oh.  looks as though i fell victim to my own ego with yesterday's entry.  me, you wrong right, anger defenses, no i'm right (dammit!) hmmm. but . . . no this is all the ego reasserting the idea of separateness, that the big "i" must be supreme, right, always.  no.  true enlightenment, when confronted with unconsciousness, does not become unconscious itself.  instead, if it reacts at all, it recognizes what it is encountering and simply remains in the moment, present, aware, focused. i think the overall sentiment expressed is correct, but to rail against the "wrongness" of others is clearly to be wrong.  so my bad. lesson learned.  today back on the path.  namaste. xxoo

07/04/2008.  happy fourth of july.  great time tonight with friends old and new.  had about twelve folks over for cookout and mr. b's famous homemade ice cream.  yum.  i'm torn about how to address my topic tonight.  so much of the conversation was about anger;  anger about politics, anger about personal relationships; lost youth, rudeness and unkindness of strangers.  i kept thinking, and maybe this is new, i kept thinking; what in the f*&# do you have to be so angry about??!? mind you, this was in the back of my mind, and knowing that i've probably vented in a similar way in the past, but in my current state i thought oh my, oh boy, let's review here people.  1) you are alive.  2) you are sentient. 3)  you eat every day. 4)  you are alive, you are alive you are alive!!!!!!!!!!  we somehow forget that we've won the lottery, THE lottery.  the lottery where we get to be human beings in a fantastic, wierd, fabulous universe.  where you are aware and alive and able to understand that wierd, fabulous reality.  that is beautiful.  that is amazing.  that is everything.  so the little things like war, death, unhappy relationships, bad commutes, diabetes, cancer, etc, etc, etc.  really. minor in the scheme.  minor indeed.  here, now fabulous. i'd call it scrumptious, but some might find that a bit over the top.  ok, whatever.  scrumptious. xxoo c

07/02/08. wednesday.  wow.  a perfect day in which nothing at all happened.  as my loyal readers know, i'm a fan of buddhist thought, also the ideas of eckhart tolle (roughly the same thing, i think).  the basic ideas are 1) live now, 2) accept life exactly as it is 3) by living by items 1 and 2, you have reached nirvana.  so today pretty much met the goal.  looked at the sky, drank my coffee, went to the optometrist, ate sweet potato fries for lunch, worked in the studio, laughed at and with mr. b., drank wine, watched the sun set, grilled pork chops, turned on the computer.  nothing, nothing nothing.  everything, everything, everything.   the buddha said, roughly, "pay attention to this moment, and you will take care of ten thousand lifetimes." so, my friends, PAY ATTENTION.  live in the details.  the rest is an illusion.  namaste.  xxoo c

06/30/2008 monday.  ok guys, weird couple of days.  pretty much cured of the "bite" (we are now referring to it as the "bite" note the "").  sunday felt back to normal.  today a bit less so, but a bit nervous about my gallery presentation.  even though gallery owners are friends, feel a strange nervousness . . .on both ends really.  on  one hand want them to like the work, on the other afraid they will patronize me by taking work they really don't like.  today, of course, r.o. was incredibly gracious, and, i think, honest.  he said what he didn't and did like, and had some great ideas about my new framing technique that i'll try to incorporate next time.  he ended up taking about three-quarters of what i brought in, including one i really liked but he didn't . . .took it as a favor.  this was around four o'clock.  at seven he called to say he had already sold one of my tiles, which was of course great news.   i don't want to impose on friends, and if stuff sells, well, the proof is in the pudding as they say.  so i was thrilled.  hopefully will continue.  tried to bring in smaller, more "commercial" items, so we shall see.  in any event was enough to start a celebration, so r.o. came over and we all went out to overpriced dinner.  fun.  otherwise yesterday was a blast; great play at wiliamstown.  old fashioned musical.  boy meets girl, boy hates girl, girl hates boy, misunderstandings, reconciliations, love ensues.  hurrah!but it really was quite good. cast excellent.  up for the day, then wine at the park, then dinner at lennox (cute restaurateur, not that i noticed), then back and in bed by nine pm.  ah, the good life (note: the good life always includes bed by nine).  some time in studio today on my totem, but not enough.  now that my distractions are fading i'll get more time in tomorrow.  namaste.  xxoo

06/28/2008.  ok dudes.  blog o rama.  you wanted it; you've got it.  saturday now.  still suffering ill effects of insect bite; or spider bite, we are not sure which (spider's aren't insects, are they?).  anyway, still half sick, but seems to be getting better, slowly.  the cause of my recent brush with death have been the subject of great discussion.  some suspect a tick (read:  lyme disease.  oh lord!).  others suggest a virus contracted on the plane (no arachnids involved). or west nile virus.  all great options, i must say.  i'm sticking with my initial gut feeling that it was a spider bite.  but we can't find any bite; hmmmmmm (we've looked and looked!). . . . anyway, guess it doesn't matter, as long as it goes away.  chills are subsiding, as are aches and pains.  all that seems to remain is uneven feelings of fatigue and weakness.  but even that is better. no visions of jesus or an intense white light (yet). even got in some studio time today, but got worn out rather quickly.  will try to go back out for a couple of hours here in a while.  tomorrow to williamstown for a play.  monday tiles come in by ups for presentation to gallery.  hopefully they will think some will be a good fit.  i'll report back then.  you will also note larger font for blog; a recognition that my core audience is over forty-five.  namaste.  xxoo c

06/27/2008.  friday.  no studio time yet in woodstock;  yesterday decided to be butch and clean out the storage shed, fix the lawnmower, and mow the field.  After that I felt sick; fever, chills, sweats.  ick.  finally decided i must have been bitten by a spider.  today better but puny.  i'll head out to the studio after lunch, unless i decide to take a nap instead.  on the website front, i'm still having problems uploading from here . . .keep getting error messages, but somehow the blog seems to post, so i'll press forward.  hope i'm not really screwing up the website.  got an email today from a friend from first grade;  he googled my name and found my website!  what a great memory he has, and how strange and wonderful that you can google your past like that.  can't say i specifically remember him, although i think he may be the kid i used to play cooties with.  asked him to send the first grade pic and see if that jarred my memory.  except for near deadly spider bite all is well.  namaste.  xxoo

06/25/2008.  wednesday.  hello all.  trying to blog first day in woodstock.  in full summer mode.  sleeveless t, shorts, sandals, baseball cap.  (what are you wearing?) oh, wait, i'm getting off course.  so anyway, easy trip up.  simone was good travel bud, as was mr. b.  tonight went to woodstock farmers market for fresh greens, fresh chicken, fresh brocolli.  fresh everything.  tonight cooking up happy chicken (well, he was happy two days ago) from new paltz, plus greens and cornbread.  yum.  (what are you eating?)  oops, there i go again.  anyway, ready to start back into studio work in the morning.  namaste!  xxoo c

06/24/2008.  tuesday.  last blog before heading up to woodstock for the rest of the summer.  mr. b will come back in july to work work, but i'm staying to work in the studio and go to a ceramic workshop in the area.  i'll be concentrating on large sculptural forms while i'm up there; as you may recall i have one already in the works.  new area of exploration for me, so should be a good time.  bad news today; due to skyrocketing rents my tulsa gallery will be closing at the end of july.  so i sadly went in today to pick up my remaining items.  the will try to reopen later in the year at another location; hope it works out for them.  in the meantime i've cleared with clouds gallery in woodstock to ship up some work for possible inclusion in the gallery.  once they have a chance to look over the work and decide what (if anything) they want to take i'll add a new gallery link on the website.  be patient faithful blog readers; in woodstock last time the computer couldn't communicate with my website host server, and i didn't try very hard to figure it out.  i'll be more diligent since i will be up there for a couple of months; i'll get back to blogging just as soon as i can fix the problem. while you are waiting for my return why don't you go and make some art?? namaste.  xxoo

06/23/2008.  whew.  ok, got most of the stuff framed i wanted to.  just had to say enough is enough.  so, bitches (you know who i'm talkin' about) a blog first . . . preview of new work is now available on the "new stuff" page.  check it out.  only for dedicated blog readers and the odd person who happens to stumble upon my website.  tomorrow i'll call clouds and see if i can send some work up there, plus go by brushworks and drop off some work; i won't try to update the gallery pages until i'm sure what is going where and for how much.  going to try and keep all of the new stuff under $150 . . . you know how the economy is these days.  so i'll update all that after i settle everything with the galleries and set the prices.  but at least you can see what i've been up to for the last couple of months.  hope you like it.  namaste.  xxoo c

06/22/2008.  sunday.  ahh.  lazy day today.  fun lunch with family; mom, dad and eric treated us for a late anniversary brunch.  very nice.  otherwise not much accomplished, which was fine.  a bit of studio work, but minimal.  getting ready for the summer long sojourn in woodstock.  when i planned it i was very excited; now i'm a bit apprehensive about being without mr. b for three weeks.  i think really it will be good, not because we are apart, so much, but because it will force me to look at things in a different way.  a constant will be removed, however briefly, and that will mean i will have to cope on a different level.  scary but good i think.  wish me luck.  namaste. xxoo  c

06/21/2008.  saturday.  hello all.  june 21st - the longest day of the year, and, yes, my birthday.  forty-seven today.  most people lament the aging process, but i say bring it on.  youth , at least for me, was full of such angst and ignorance . . .  that ugly ignorance that thinks it knows everything.  survival instinct, i suppose,  but as i get older i think i really do get wiser.  maybe??  we'll let the historians debate it, shall we??  otherwise a great day.  well wishes from family and (although not blood related) more family.  quietly made more frames, while mr. b lavished me with love. yep, it's true.  so a great day, as is every day.  live now my friends, live now.  for tomorrow, well, you know.  namaste.  xxoo

06/17/2008 tuesday.  late now.  9:51 pm!! fun time tonight with crazy friend j.b.  not afraid to say he is cray-z!  fun and wonderful too.  he's started painting, which is fantastic.  fun and effervescent.  so kudos for that.  in july he's up to p-town for bear week.  sounds like fun.  i'm not immune to the charms of hirsute men, so the fantasy of a week filled with naked hairy men is not something i am immune to.  hmmmmmm . . . but be that as it may, i will live vicariously through his stories of such exploits.  otherwise good.  more frames today,  tomorrow more of the same.  namaste.  xxoo c  

06/16/2008 monday.  beautiful rainy morning.  distant thunder.  we don't really need to the rain, but it is pleasant.  i have the windows and doors open and am using the sound of the rain as a background to my morning cup of coffee.  today will do more work work, but mostly make frames in the studio.  brother e. is going to loan me his power saw to hopefully make it easier.  pleased so far, but could go a bit faster with the right tools. (the right tools always make the job easiter, don't you think?).  so again, a new day, still alive, aware and happy.  namaste. xxoo

06/14/2008.  flag day.  we chose to fly the pride flag.  whu-hu!  anyway one of those amalgam days - little bit of this, a lot of that.  running around, mostly to large box hardware stores, looking for studio supplies.  had to travel all the way out to 71st st to find what i needed.  bob made homemade ice cream (yum) for father's day, although we did sample some just to make sure no one would die after eating it.  appears to be a safe bet.  tonight with bob's family,  delicious dinner as always.  tomorrow with my clan.  namaste.  xxoo

06/13/2008.  ah-oh.  twice in two days.  now i'm scared.  but i feel obligated to my public, even though i know someone fully living only in the now would not feel that way.  but really, it's fun, and i enjoy the attention (did i mention i enjoy the attention?).  so, today was a mix of work work, lunch out with mr. b and a bit of studio work (more frames).  tonight dinner at our friends s.r. and r.r.  they are twice a year friends . . . we love every time we see them, but we don't see them that often.  they are fun and witty and a bit nutty, kindof like us, but different.  so a good time was had.  the embarrassment only came when bob started snoring during the airing of "keeping up appearances" dvd, but that happens after 9 pm; nothing to do about it, and hey, that's part of mr. b's charm.  r.r. had another stroke a few weeks ago, but you'd never know it.  he is as charming and witty as ever.  seemed on top of his game.  tomorrow shopping for father's day and nephew's birthday.  did i mention he is brilliant?  obviously a superior being - he's only one year old, but it's apparent to everyone related to him.  probably president one day, or buddha, or return of j.c??  well we'll have to wait and see on that one.  namaste to all.  xxoo c

06/12/2008.  ah-oh.  i'm in trouble (again).  got a call from b.h., husband of loyal reader b.t. wondering if i was dead due to lack of blogging.  sorry, bitches, iz been bizzie.  no, seriously, i appreciate the attention and concern.  and yes, seriously iz been bissie.  in the studio of course!!  about to unveil a whole new series of work after months and months of learning some new techniques, including laser transfer and overglazes (i can hear you snoring . . . stop that!!!)  i'm in the process of making my own frames, which i think really brings the work up a whole other notch.  hope you agree.  pics coming next week (i hope).  anyway, also been really concentrating on not concentrating at all.  this is a new thing with me - i read in some buddhist thing about "practicing non-practice".  sounds nonsensical i know.  but it has made a tremendous difference.  basically i've taken this as meaning quit trying so hard - it's not in the trying that you accomplish anything; it's in the being. surrender to what is and simply be.  radically accept everything exactly as it is,  no expectations, no regrets.  everything is exactly as it is without judgment or fear.  whoa, scary i know.  but if you can do it, it somehow takes you outside of yourself.  the ego melts away, and it is no longer about "you".  somehow it makes you realize that everything is one, that really there was never a separate "you" to worry about at all! we are one with the universe - in fact we are the universe.  in the microcosm of our soul we are one with everything - and i mean everything!  surrender to what is.  it is only through surrender that you will accomplish your true potential - totally alive in the now, sentient and aware right now.  try it and you will see.  namaste. xxoo  ps much love to the bry(i)s.

05/23/2008 friday.  last blog before we head up to woodstock.  waiting patiently for kiln to cool down below 100C to see results.  I'm excited about this load because of the "new" work that will be coming out - smaller, more intimate, made up of several small tiles together.  plan to make frames that surround them, while they stick out a little bit.  you'll see.  also hoping to get the info on the new glazes at the lower temps before we leave; think in might inform the large sculptural totem i'm making up there.  should be ready to bisque the pieces upon arrival; greenware has been drying for 2 1/2 weeks.  otherwise good.  namaste. xxoo

05/22/08 thursday.  whew.  busy day.  got a full test glaze load in the kiln on wednesday morning; lots of new glaze tests, plus the first stage of three new works.  the new works are incorporating laser transfers, and maybe even some overglazes, so these things have to be done on subsequent firings.  results were good.  lots on new interesting glazes.  interesting tans and greens, with a few yellows and blues thrown in.  today finished stage two on the three new works - working up the decals and applying.  so now have a new load in the kiln, this time for setting the transfers and testing some of the glazes at a lower temp.  gotta kiss a lot of frogs, especially when trying something new, so keep your fingers crossed that there are a few princes in there.  namaste. xxoo

05/20/2008.  tuesday.  the doors "riders on the storm" just finishing up - the rain is pounding and the thunder rolling.  pretty cool stuff.  i've been thinking about people's reaction to the question of making art; the conversation almost always, and usually very quickly, veers to the subject of commerce.  "are you selling anything?" "do you make any money at that?" etc. etc.  When you honestly say, well, i do sell on the website and have a couple of galleries, but really i don't sell all that much, then the response is something to the effect, "oh, so you just do it for fun . . ."  the implication being that if you aren't selling a lot of work then somehow your work is not serious, or you are not a serious artist, or somehow "art" is highbrow way of describing bored housewife syndrome . . ."well, it was either bake a batch of cookies or take a pottery class!"  i try not to be too touchy about it, since this is quite a universal phenomenon, but i do have to protest a bit.  art, the act of creation, is not at it's core an economic activity.  yes, there is of course an element of that, but it is not, cannot be, the primary motivation for making art.  do most people have children so that they can take a tax deduction? i think not. making art, at it's core, is about being more in touch with the universe. about seeing yourself and the world around you in new and exciting ways.  by translating what you see, feel, experience through the small prism of your soul into a work of art, you somehow, eventually, slowly, start to see more clearly.  you start to reach up, go forward, somehow become more real.  i think it has something to do with the buddhist idea of moving toward enlightenment.  so next time you see me, please don't ask just about the commercial aspect of my art, ask me what art has taught me lately.  oh, and yes, it's fun too. namaste. xxoo

05/17/2008.  saturday.  can't believe it's been almost a week since i've blogged.  been working diligently in the studio, but a lot of "background" work mostly - testing new glazes, etc.  still awaiting my replacement element to fix the kiln after boom boom. should arrive monday.  since i am trying so many new things right now actual "finished" work has been non-existent.  a couple of in-process near misses, and about four new pieces in stage one of three, but nothing done done to show.  that's ok.  it's a process and takes time.  hoping all the work will result in a new level of work.  namaste.  xxoo

05/11/08.  sunday.  oh my.  i must have been feeling sorry for myself yesterday. boo hoo!  life is so hard! poor me!! rubbish.  i've come to the realization that we create our own suffering, even out of the best of circumstances.  this is the basic human flaw.  so if art is hard, it is because i make it so.  there is a difference between having a lot to learn technically and artistically, both of which continue to be true; but it's how i relate to both of these facts as to whether or not it is "hard".  so i take it all back.  art is challenging, but it is also incredibly rewarding for the artist.  viva art!  namaste. xxoo

05/10/2008 saturday, late-ish.  been thinking today about other people's art; and how generally disinterested i am by it.  i'm not saying this to be clever or smug, but i think honestly i'm really rarely moved by the work of others; in truth i'm rarely moved by my own work!!  of course i see my own work as very nascent;  like baby steps for a toddler.  other people's work i somehow expect to be fully formed, like somehow they are "real" artists and i am not. of course crazy!  we are all trying to do, somehow, the same thing.  to visually represent the human experience as realized through our little prism of life.  as i try to be true in my art, i am constantly reminded how hard this is.  BEING AN ARTIST IS VERY, VERY HARD.  and i try, i really try, to give other artist the benefit of the doubt, to try and understand what it is they are trying to do or to say.  because this ain't the least bit easy.  so next time you see a painting, or a sculpture, or a tile (!) try and experience what the artist is doing, saying, feeling.  hopefully they put as much of themselves in it as they had at the time they made it.  drink it in, good or bad, and say 'thanks for trying'.  namaste. xxoo

05/09/2008 friday.  explosion supplemental.  well, got the kiln cleaned up.  in the process broke an element. there goes fifty bucks plus shipping.  but good lesson learned.  was able to save jake g. tile that is central to work in process "crush".  so that was good; thought i'd lost it.  it actually looks better, because i wanted it to look a bit like a relic, and now it has gashes from the explosion, so hidden benefit.  oh my what a mess.  but onward and upward.  tonight hangin' with mr. b.  maybe watch harold & kumar go to white castle - mr. b's never seen it, and i'm surprised he wants to, but glad.  usually that's more my kind of thing.  we'll see if he likes it.  got the munchies??? namaste. xxoo

05/09/2008. friday.  BISQUE EXPLOSION!!! oh my oh my.  i guess it was bound to happen at some point, and today was the day.  major explosion of bisque in my kiln. shards and bits EVERYWHERE.  oh my oh my.  lost a few small test that i had in the bottom.  major cleanup required.  if you don't get all the little pieces out, the little bits can eventually melt and burn out your elements.  expensive. sooooo now in the process of getting all the little bits out.  oh my oh my.  put my ware in too wet . . . told myself, "oh it's dry enough".  NOT.  hope this is the fist and last time this happens.  lesson learned.  namaste. xxoo

05/08/2008 thursday.  good morning.  yes, that's correct.  a rare morning post for you.  back in tulsa now. yesterday first day back.  a bit discombobulated yesterday . . . in addition to the normal "catch up" chores that are needed after a couple of weeks away, i had a nagging insecurity return in the studio, most likely brought on by the failure of the overglaze test.  this is the continuing saga of trying to learn to screen print on clay; the last thing was to fire overglaze decal, and they didn't work at all.  e-yuuuu! gross.  anyway, try try again.  so i'm going to try on another glaze, perhaps that was the problem.  big bisque firing last night - lots of smaller tiles.  so we will move forward.  good day to you all!  namaste. xxoo

05/04/08. sunday.  oh yeah. groooovy.  afternoon. about five-thirty.  studio day all day . . last throws of making all of the individual pieces for "a brief history of woodstock".  making the base now . . . the bigger pieces taking me up to two days to complete.  right now letting the clay dry a bit before i coil on more.  the base is a half-round, twenty inches in diameter.  so lots of clay.  while it is drying having a glass of wine and watching "jimmi hendrix at woodstock". basically his entire set at woodstock, with a bit of commentary. cranked up to the max.  what?  WHAT?????  I CAN'T HEAR YOU . . . jimmi just finished a solo with his teeth.  no kidding.  now on one of my favorites . . . let me stand next to your fire!!!! yea baby!  when he does his solos he likes to open his mouth really wide, like he is getting his teeth cleaned or something.  but of course it is classic rock and roll.  didn't realize that jimmi used to live in woodstock, but can't say i'm surprised.  of course he should have!  weather nice.  living in the moment.  hope you are too.  namaste. xxoo

05/03/08.  saturday.  today drove into the city (new york that is) to have a museum day.  went to the met, where we discovered not only they have great underground parking, but the trustee's dining room on the fourth floor serves a pretty good three course lunch (wine included).  as larry david would say, "pretty good . . . pretty, pretty good".  there to see the courbet show in particular.  begging apologies from all of you much more schooled in art history than i, courbet was a mid-nineteenth century french provocateur and enfant terrible of the french art scene of the period.  of course by most modern standards it was pretty tame stuff, except for one painting i've nicknamed "beante vagin" (translate it from the french - this is a family friendly site, buster!).  whoa, graphic!  anyway beside the "tortured man", "beante vagin" had to be the hands down favorite.  quite radical that courbet!  otherwise to the asia society to see japanese woodblock prints.  much fun.  tomorrow back to the studio to try and continue making the components for my outdoor sculpture, at this point entitled "a brief history of woodstock".  subject to change.  all the best.  namaste.  xxoo

04/29/08.  tuesday. oh my.  well, sorry guys.  i know it's been a while.  wasn't too worried about it, didn't imagine there was much of an audience to disappoint as it were.  then i got the email from my most devoted reader telling me to get with the program!  i'd be lying if i said i wasn't pleased.  thanks to you know who.  anyway, up in woodstock now . . . my boss at work is on vacation for two weeks, so work work very quiet.  getting in lots of studio time.  decided to spend my time in woodstock building large outdoor sculptural objects.  i reaaaaally love that about art . . . once you think you get something down the muse pulls you in a totally different direction.  also the field of ceramics is so broad that there is actually no end (and i mean no end) to what you can learn, experience, explore.  it is truly amazing and wonderful.  i'm so glad that i was drawn into this field of art/craft.  and how? i guess by chance, maybe not.  it was my dead friend (he was alive at the time) kb . . . he had signed up for a pottery class at celebrated ceramic artist VH.  At the time (this was the early 90's) VH was giving lessons in her garage off of Brookside (??) can't really remember where her house was. well, anyway, he was taking classes, and i think missy was too, and i said well, why not??? so why not indeed.  i wasn't exactly hooked then, but i was interested.  anyway that was the start.  then kb got involved with a shady character, contracted hiv, died, etc. etc.  not necessarily a + b = c. but still all that happened.  in the meantime we lost contact, kindof.  last five years of his life we had no contact.  i had always felt he rejected me . . . but why? dunno.  but it did happen, why is a mystery.  but when i found out he had died, well, i had lots of regret.  no fault i suppose, but sadness.  and he is gone.  has been for a long time.  and that makes me sad.  i miss him.  and yet he gave me friendship, and beyond that an avocation.  quite by accident. he never knew he had that effect.  a great gift.  and how do we know what effect we have on those around us?? huh?? you don't do you? so love those you love. and live, honestly, genuinely.  just live and love and etc. etc.  that's the lesson there.  because they, or you, will soon enough be gone.  all of us.  namaste.  xxoo. 

04/18/2008.  friday pm. today in the nyt i read that one out of ten adults has a blog.  i can't believe that.  i smell a rat.  anyway, guess that is a good thing, people are trying to communicate, if even in a very distant kind of way.  and who knows? maybe someone will read it (read: this) and some communication will take place. well, beyond that, it has been an incredible couple of days.  the overlay of self-doubt and insecurity (is that the same thing?) have melted away and i've felt free to pursue my artistic vision without restrictions.  have fun.  play.  enjoy. studio work flowing like a florida spring. i have to give quite a bit of credit for this bout of freedom from my reading of eckhart tolle; his ideas of accepting what is, surrendering to the flow of life, living in the now; all of them really resonate with me, as if somehow he is reminding me of something i have known all along.  weird.  but in a good way. i also think my weekend workshop with lana wilson had a profound effect.  sometimes you just have to get out there with like minded people and get some good old fashioned validation.  not so much personally, but for the whole of humanity striving to create, to live.  i'll keep you posted how it progresses, if it does.  namaste.  xx00

04/15/2008. tuesday. almost 10 pm.  i finished my taxes a couple of weeks ago, so totally forgot that most folks are scrambling today.  instead mostly work work today, but was able to get a cone 04 firing started;  used to i would have said a bisque firing, but today i have included several laser transfer tests so, bisquing ain't the only thing goin' on!!  the laser transfer was sooooo easy (if it works).  special laser decal paper; print image; fire. bingo.  we hope.  should add a whole other dimension to my work. maybe.  also got my replacement photo emulsion today.  next couple of days will try again (5th time) to see if i can get silk screening to work.  all in good fun.  can't wait to try some new techniques and ideas from workshop over the weekend.  listen, observe engage, learn, play, live.  yeah, that's it.  namaste. xxoo

04/14/2008.  monday.  wow, what a great weekend.  the workshop was very inspirational; lana wilson was not only a great instructor but also also a really cool person.  learned a lot and am excited about trying out new things.  after i finish this short blog entry i'll be back in the studio trying things out.  wish me luck!! namaste xxoo

04/11/2008 friday afternoon.  sunny.  long time no blog; idunno; doesn't seem quite as interesting or novel as it did at first, so really less interested in it.  no big deal i suppose.  on the artistic front, had a few things come out of the kiln yesterday, but still not complete.  designed two items to incorporate laser transfers and/or silk screen decals, so they are only partially complete.  one piece is about sex (ah-oh!) so we'll see how that comes out.  not sure whether I'll be able to post pic on website or not.  maybe i'd get more traffic!!  also been designing and mfg. some signs for around the house - CLOSE GATE! etc.  anyway, tomorrow off to fayetteville, ar for a pottery workshop with lana wilson.  she is quite a well respected potter; writes for ceramics monthly and also is in the 500 tiles book (like me :)).  i'll update you on what i learn on monday.  for the weekend mr. b is on his own.  let me know if he gets into any trouble!  नमस्ते  xxoo

04/04/2008.  what a great day.  spring has sprung as they say, and the outside is glorious.  flowers everywhere, trees budding, sun shining.  a bit cool, but inspiring nonetheless.  i've had a rough time with my new silk screen technique; i've tried four times now and each time has failed.  went back to the art store where they tried to walk me through it; they finally threw up their hands and suggested i call the company, which i did.  very helpful, those folks at speedball (i'm guessing they didn't know the drug reference when they picked the name for their company).  anyway, they suggested a different bulb, but that didn't work either.  i think i just got lucky and got some bad product.  everyone is stumped!  so when you see the new silk screening effects in my work  know that they are due to much effort and trial by fire.  art isn't easy, but that isn't the point, is it?  namaste.  xxoo

03/31/2008. monday.  ahhh.  better today.  remembered that sometimes the mind is disfunctional; simply knowing that helps to recognize when these bouts come up, and to laugh and let them pass.  better days ahead.  just glad for me such things are few and far between.  today work work, plus a bit of research on my silk screening problem; haven't been able to set a design in the screen yet.  but some internet research seems to be pointing me in the correct direction, so after tomorrow night we will see.  third time's the charm!!?  namaste.  xxoo

03/30/2008 sunday.  late.  suffering from a bout of unhappiness tonight.  silly really.  worse than that really. stupid.  but real nonetheless.  it's hard to fathom, with such great wealth, beauty, transcendence, somehow we still find time to be unhappy.  you too?  but when exposed to the light of day it's so silly.  i don't know.  i think what set me off was feeling kinof irrelevant. but irrelevant to what and to whom??  i feel slighted when others don't see me as important, but do i see anyone else in that light? no, not really. too caught up in myself to notice them. kindof. whatever.  blah blah blah. yuk.  well off to bed, a good night's sleep and another day tomorrow.  i will recover, and i will be ok.  and you will too.  namaste.  xxoo

03/27/2008 thursday.  well, trying to be better about the blog.  today was a great day.  big studio day; back with a vengeance. completed the basics on a new design; not that it will be any good in a conventional sense, but it served its purpose as a means to the next level.  i'm trying to learn screen printing as a new part of my artistic palate; tonight's experiment failed, but it was only the first.  onward and upward!  namaste.  xxoo

03/26/2008 wednesday. today i'm back in the studio after being only sporadically active for the past week.  i've had a lot of work work, but beyond that i've also had a recurrance of some insecurities which have made me reticent.  i'm fighting through those and will defeat the inertia today.  continuing to listen to eckard tolle;  helps to remind me about being part of a greater whole, to try and be mindful and to reject the idea of "self" that separates us from each other and the rest of life.  sometimes i get it, sometimes not.  but with practice this will get easier.  now back to the art!!!! namaste. xxoo

03/16/2008 sunday. i've been listening to "the power of now" by eckhard tolle on audio cd; you listen to it and it really gets you to not thinking . . . and that's a good thing.  reminds me that all we really have is now, and that we waste endless hours regretting the past, glorifying the past or alternatively worried about the future or imagining a better one.  but it's all folly;  all you really have is now, so glorify and live in the great big wonderful weird now.  sounds like a plan to me.  namaste.  xxoo

03/07/2008 friday.  wow, what a great day.  morning at the beach with friends, this afternoon relaxing.  tonight to wish restaurant on collins ave.  miami beach is great fun, but i'm missing the studio and ready to get back to creating objects.  of course our day to day life can be creative, but there is something about creating works of art that feeds my soul in a way nothing else seems to.  it's not easy, actually it is very hard.  but damn if it isn't an essential part of my life right now.  so we'll get back to it as soon as we get back to tulsa.  the break has been good though;  teaching me to look, , observe, open up to new ideas.  very good.  but ready to apply some of the lessons.  so we'll see what comes of it.  namaste to all.  xxoo

03/05/2008 wednesday.  went to view the rubell family collection today in miami.  it is the modern art collection of a prominent miami family, housed in an industrial space.  the galleries were nicely proportioned.  the collection on display was new acquisitions from europe, as well as a couple of solo shows.  i very deliberately tried to simply observe the work without expectation or judgment.  of course that is very difficult to do, but i wanted it as my starting point to experience the work.  i'm in the middle of reading the zen of creativity, and it suggests that you should first try to determine how the art makes you feel, without trying to understand or critique it.  in this case most of the art made me feel sad;  there was very little if anything that conveyed a sense of joy.  everything was dark, brooding.  lots of work that seemed to convey dismay at the human condition.  there was one artist who was merely wistful and sad, but even then more to the dark side.  so i don't know . . . did i like it?  i'm not sure that is the appropriate question.  it was an interesting and enlightening experience.  not sure of anything that spoke out in a transcendent or life changing sort of way.  but worth a look see.  namaste.  xxoo

03/01/2008 march.  already!  in beautiful miami beach.  a bit out of sorts; unfortunately mr. b has come down with a bad cold, so he is out of the loop, stuck in bed.  hoping for a quick recovery.  miami is great as always.  love the architecture, the weather, the beautiful people.  it's like the un around here.  i think the europeans and the south americans like vacationing here.  you here not only spanish (of course) but portugese, french, russian.  at the car rental yesterday we heard german as well.  quite international.  trying to live in the moment, to learn from each encounter.  in a minute here simone and i will head out for lunch.  most of the cafe's have outdoor seating and are very dog friendly, so simone just sits at my feet.  won't be as fun without mr. b, but we will make do.  namaste.  xxoo

02/26/2008 tuesday morning.  opened the kiln today to reveal florals;  generally good results.  very pleased with tabletops.  one tulip tile cracked; another colors just ok.  but really liked my design on tabletops (see new stuff) . . . kindof updated arts & crafts i think.  tomorrow off to miami, so no studio work for a couple of weeks.  but in the interim i'll be studying clay transfer techniques from new book - look for new tile elements when i get back! namaste.  xxoo

02/24/08 sunday evening.  about nine thirty.  went out with mom and dad for their anniversary.  fun.  last blog got interrupted and not finished; thought it best to leave it as is.  so busy in studio last few days; got five florals in the kiln.  will know tomorrow night how they turned out.  busy weekend, wow.  so tomorrow is monday, and we'll see what it brings.  namaste.  xxoo

02/22/2008 friday after five. whew!  two great days in the studio.  work work work.  not work work, but studio work.  on a floral kick; have a tuesday deadline for red ribbon gala, so trying to do something a bit more conventional since it is a bit of a conservative crowd; last year my piece got zero interest, and woudn't have been bought except from a mercy buy by my good friend m.l. 

02/20/2008 after ten.  i feel as though i'm molting.  i've got to get out of this skin and become bigger and better - artistically that is.  it's painful, and disorienting, but hopefully ultimately productive.  i know there is something else in here that needs to get out (no, it isn't a female black soul singer).  so here we are, tryin' to keep it real and get on up there.  wish me luck.  नमस xxoo

02/20/2008 wednesday.  another day has dawned.  well, it dawned about four hours ago.  i'm in the middle of work work, waiting for a program to load, so why not blog?  hoping for another good studio day.  i've remembered that the key to successful living is to remain in the moment.  be aware, present, right now.  don't dwell on the past or let your mind run amok over the future.  just live fully right now.  when i do that i'm great;  when i don't, well, less that spectacular.  so let's do it! नमस xxoo

02/19/2008 evening.  better now.  full day in studio.  one foot, then the next.  redid floral; full bisque firing in by noon; stylized floral almost done.  a good day. नमस्ते

02/19/2008 tuesday morning.  ol' demons they are a risin'!  severe monkey brain last night . . . where i lay in bed and ideas bounce around like pin balls.  so strong even bounced into a couple dreams and woke me up.  pushing the envelope in the studio, trying new techniques, trying to expand my knowledge and decorative palate.  inspired by the 500 tiles book; bit of a double edge sword, that one.  of course thrilled to be included (yes, page 411 in case you have forgotten) but so much stellar work elsewhere in the book that it's brought back some insecurities.  typical human response, i suppose.  something great happens and you find the dark side.  if i can keep that part under control the rest is a good thing . . .  i'm being pushed to try new things, which will ultimately bring forth new fruit.  but change, as you know, is stressful, and so the ol' nasty tapes are trying to use it as an excuse to reestablish themselves ("that will never work! omg, you realllllly can't draw, can you??  amateur!).  you can see what i mean.  so must remember . . .art is not a competition.  i offer what i have.  i must reflect life through my eyes, not try and mimic someone else's vision.  my view is unique, and has merit.  learn learn learn.  just put one foot in front of the other and take the next right step.  namaste.  xxoo

02/16/2008 saturday morning.  raining, overcast.  reading nyt this morning has pushed my mood in a similar direction.  so many killings!! individual violence, institutional violence, mob violence.  makes you wonder about the state of the human experience these days.  i know the news tends to to exaggerate the negative, since that is all we hear about, but it's hard to ignore when it's on every page.  blatant disregard for life; and life is such a great, wonderful gift!  a view not universally shared, i'm afraid.  oh well, what to do?  start with myself, i guess.  live in peace, love self others, all life.  try to incorporate the universe in a single breath, understand.  make art. learn.  namaste. xxoo

02/14/2008 thursday.  just before 10 pm.  we'd been searching for a great friend for several months off and on; she'd moved to atlanta and we'd lost touch, as people do.  googled her and found someone who'd documented her 2007 show (she's a painter, kc art institute, have several of her works); on a lark I emailed the friend, and tonight l.b. contacted us!!  what a great thrill.  there are some people that you feel a connection with, even though you rarely see them and don't communicate often; at least i've had that happen a few times in my life.  l.b. is such a soulmate.  not sure why; not sure i need to.  just know i feel a great kinship with this person, and am delighted any time we connect. based on her email her life is swell, great grrrlfriend, great job, etc.  i'm looking forward to knowing more.  it's always fun when life hands you a chocolate . . . yum!!!  namaste.  xxoo

02/11/2008.  monday.  my how time flies.  monday already.  lots of work work ahead today.  what a week!  friday, quite by accident, i found out i had been included in the 500 tiles book; one of the most exciting moments of my life.  once in a lifetime opportunity, the way i see it, and to be included was a real thrill.  now on to more, better work.  namaste.  xxoo

02/06/2008 wednesday.  busy day today getting tiles finished and in the kiln.  i'm trying to be diligent without being manic;  think in this instance i was reasonably successful in that regard.  i'm finally beginning to experience art as process;  i've known intellectually for a long time that the art is really in the process of creation . . . the end object is simply the reflection of what has gone before.  good process, better art.  but this year i'm pushing for more quantity, not giving myself too much time to let fear overtake my process and keep me from making things.  and the more i make, the better i become, both technically and artistically.  at least that is the idea, and i think it works.  so today i finished a triptych of self-portraits - kindof.  i think really i was just the model, not so much about me directly, more about the condition we find ourselves in as sentient beings trying to make sense of the world.  perhaps no one else will see that in the work, but that's what was going through my mind.  and it was fun.  new glazes, bold designs.  so i'm anxious to see how they turn out.  and anxious for the next process!!  namaste.  xxoo

02/04/2008 monday.  getup offa that thang!  good gawd!  yep, you guessed it, the godfather of funk is holding court on the xm.  good gawd!  feels good just to say it over and over.  anyway, sorry i've been such a derelict.  busy busy busy.  trying to get a set of tiles into the woodstock kiln before we head back to tulsa saturday, but monday is already gone and it isn't looking too promising.  i'm trying to learn to take life as it comes . . . sometimes our expectations are unrealistic.  in fact ALL of our expectations are unrealistic.  expectations are an exercise in failure and not productive.  so let's get beyond tnem shall we?  instead lets live in the moment and experience life fully, completely in the now.  revolutionary, no?  simple?  kindof. and kindof not.  but i think a good choice.  working on a triptych of self portraits.  think they may be in process into april.  but i'll take it a moment at at time and do what i need to do at this moment.  that's all,  nothing else to do really;  calm our minds, forgo the past, quit manically creating futures in our mind that will never come true, and live now.  that's the goal.  let's start right now.  good gawd!  namaste.  xxoo.

01/29/2008.  tuesday midday.  having lunch; leftover cauliflower casserole and a meatloaf sandwich.  delicious.  kiln opening this morning; gods were rather kind.  all five pieces came out without breakage, general idea of each tile was achieved, with possible exception of "poppies";  initial impression is that it's just too much blue.  my perspective on these things changes over time, so i reserve the right to change my mind.  try to learn something specific from each tile;  from "the tear garden" learned that bolder use of line is a good idea;  from "enclosed, nancy dear . . . " bold color combos can work, etc. and so forth.  hopefully each lesson will be incorporated in future work for better results. sorry no pics yet;  just mounted tiles to board today, so that will need to dry before I attempt pictures.  be a couple of weeks.  i'll let you know on the blog when pics are posted.  tomorrow back up to the north country. namaste.  xxoo

01/27/2008,  sunday.  wow.  what a day.  major studio time. working like a dog to get last tile done . . . worked.  have a kiln full of new work.  fun.  good time.  tonight birthday party for good friend  r.p.  or should i say r(y)p!  one of our best friends for a very long time.  met his friend a. for real for the first time.  what a great hostess.  and hot!  if i were straight . . . but that ain't happinin' is it.  anyway. . . great day.  fun informative . . . blah blah blah.  namaste.  xxoo

01/24/2008 thursday.  whew.  two great days in the studio;  not too much work work either day, so got basically two full studio days.  as as result two more tiles done.  'poppies' kindof looks like alien plant life;  we'll see.  'revolution!'  is a riff on the iconic che guevara image. tired but happy.  have room and maybe time for one more before we go to woodstock on wednesday.  i'll give it a shot.  nice to know i can get some things done given enough free time.  learn learn learn.  namaste. xxoo

01/22/2008.  tuesday.  heath ledger died today; sad when anyone young dies, for whatever reason.  bad enough to die when we're old, but that's a bit more palatable in the scheme of things.  been working on work work last couple of days; nominal studio time, but i am going to finish another 12" square tomorrow;  kindof amorphous poppies in a blue and white palate.  at least at this stage it looks interesting.  we'll see.  hope to get at least one more tile done after this one before back to woodstock next week.  trying to have one significant tile for every week.  doesn't sound like a lot, but with work, travel etc. that seems to be the upper limit at this time.  if i'm successful getting 4 tiles done in tulsa plus the one already almost done in woodstock, i'll be on track.  that would be 5 tiles in 5 weeks.  rock on!  otherwise trying to get some additional pics out on the net through various venues, plus sending pics in for possible publication.  gotta keep it workin.  anyway, its all in good fun.  guess i'll see what's on the tube.  i'm sure the answer is nothing, but if it isn't too nothing i'll probably succumb.  namaste.  xxoo

01/19/2008.  sunday, late.  almost 10.  good day today.  quiet.  studio time.  lunch with parents.  dinner at home; made stroganoff.  good.  watched video on couch together.  now mr. b asleep, as is miss simone.  i'm here, at the computer, obviously.  weekend almost over, kindof.  tomorrow mlk day, so mr. b at home.  i'll have some work work to do.  my office doesn't take off.  but from home mostly.  hopefully time in the studio.  designed a new tile today.  poppies.  half-way done with waxing.  hopefully will finish tomorrow.  enjoyed the day, but sad that it is over.  tomorrow we will start again.  namaste.  xxoo

01/18/2008  saturday.

you're right up on top now. and you want to be free.  why you think you're too good - much too good for a nobody like me.  you're afraid to present me to friends of your set; oh well, i guess it's best. but how soon we forget all the fine things you said. and how just a little success, yes, just a little taste of success has gone straight to your head.  i hold in my hand three letters dear, each from three different stages of your fine, super-fine career.  the first letter started "nancy, darling, sweetheart, my wonderful one.  i'll always be grateful for the things that you've done."  the second letter came right after i gave you your start; yes, it came from your pen dear but not from your heart. the third; the third was the joker that came with the deck: "enclosed, nancy dear,  please  find  my  check . . ."  why you fool! you poor sad foolish, worthless fool.  do you think your money can pay for the hard years i suffered until things broke your way?!?  yes i smiled when you kissed me and i thrilled to your touch, my only sin was i loved you.  i loved you much too much.  i'm answering this letter to say we must part but i'm tearing it to pieces, just like you tore up my heart.  yes i'm sad, and i'm licked, and i haven't got a dime.  but i thank god, yes. i thank my god i found you out in time . . .

i'll get along somehow/nancy wilson/anthology disc 2.

namaste xxoo 

01/16/2008.  wednesday night.  back in the groove after a couple of days in the dumps.  woke up this am and decided i was the decider (hmmmmmm) and so i was going to decide to be done with the doldrums.  so i did.  and i got back to work in the studio, and will likely finish another tile tonight.  this one is tentatively called "enclosed, nancy dear, please find my check . . ."  after i finished it it reminded me of a bit of a lichtenstein riff.  we'll see if you agree once it is finished.  mr. b is reading picasso bio after a refreshing steam.  classical on the stereo.  otherwise same ol same ol.  namaste. xxoo

01/15/2008  tuesday afternoon.  mid-day post today.  been down the last couple of days;  not way down, but a bit.  insecure.  reminding myself these things come in waves.  up. down. up. down.  just ride it.  it's not a part of who i am; it's just something i'm experiencing.  something to learn from, hopefully.  don't get stuck.  float, like on the river, still still . . . yet moving.  no, i do not take drugs;  this is really how i think.  anyway, that's where i am.  work work most of today.  now it's about 3:30 and i'm headed out to the studio.  finished lalena yesterday.  something new today.  i'll try to listen to the muse.  namaste.  xxoo

01/13/2008.  sunday am.  listening to acoustic breakfast on wdst.com - you can listen on demand.  i suggest you check it out.  great show.  this morning carmel is started off with ryan adams and now rufus wainwright.  both great choices, and if i believed in such things a good portent for today. the sun is bright; crisp.  almost painful.  morning's are hard, especially the first hour or so.  not starving in africa hard, but spoiled white american hard.  sooo, second cup is the remedy.  made good progress toward waxing 'lalena' yesterday, but taking more time than i expected, of course.  had moments of insecurity, especially when i looked up 500 tiles book on amazon.  have to remember to do what i do.  evolve yes, but don't compare your work to others, at least not in that jealous way.  just do what you do.  we all contribute what we contribute, and that is a good thing.  we can revel in the beauty of everyone's work.  it often helps me to remember that we are all one, and therefore i can share in the credit for great work i see.  it's kind of a fun way to defeat the evil ego at it's own game.  or at least have a good laugh.  anyway, have create a great day.  namaste. xxoo

01/11/2008.  good evening.  oh yeah, tricked ya'll . . . bloggin' twice in one day - take that!  reminds me of the art exhibit we saw at dia beacon a few years ago.  there was an artist that painted the date on an eight by six canvas every day for twenty years or more.  just the date.  so today he would have painted "11 jan 2008".  that's it.  and the highlight of the exhibit was one day in the eighties where he actually painted the date TWICE in ONE DAY!!! WOW. Take that be-aaatch!  i've laught about that for years.  and yet it was in a major museum and i've remembered it for a long time.  guess he really had something there.  passage of time.  compulsion?!?  hmmm.  anyway, got busy in the studio today.  didn't tile the date;  instead designed the 'lalena' tile and transferred it to a 12" square tile.  tomorrow i get busy waxing (the tile that is).  i'll keep you posted and post picture as soon as it is done.  have a great night.  namaste.  xxoo

01/11/2008.  good morning.  yes, blogging in the light of day.  took a few days off;  thought i was thinking too much, getting repetitive, and boring myself.  so decided it was time to take action.  decided the next right thing was to hunker down and get some things done.  so i did.  wednesday and thursday hit the work work hard, getting through a couple of big projects and some regular stuff.  so today is the first day i'm ready to get back into the studio, and it's got me a bit scared.  ego starts playing with my head and telling me it won't be any good.  i'll have to journal and beat it back. bad ego! thwack!  so today i'm starting in on tile design based on donovan song 'lalena'.  get a visual when i listen that i want to translate into a tile.  namaste.  xxoo

01/08/2008.  yea!  happy mr. b's birthday to all!!!  back in tulsa now, in our cozy house, listening to rufus wainwright cover judy garland (yes, i know it's very gay).  anyway, good day.  trying to stay true to my concepts of no obligation or expectations . . . still not totally sold on it.  i think it sounds right, but yet it's an awfully foreign concept.  it's not that you don't continue to do good or right things; it's that you do them for a completely different reason.  i think obligation is nature's way of forcing us toward the good, even when we don't want to do it.  if we can transcend obligation, we can enter a place where we do the right thing simply because it is right. capisce? hmmmm.  i don't know, i'm just blogging here.  mr. b took off for his birthday, and seemed to have a nice relaxing day.  i tried to do a bit of work work, but didn't get too far.  instead i focused on being non-linear - being ok with doing a bit of this and a bit of that.  it will all add up to being done.  sometime.  so anyway here we are, living in the now (we hope).  namaste to all!!!!! xxoo

01/06/2008.  sunday.  late.  well, kindof.  7:15 pm.  why is it always so f$%*ing dark in here?? anyway.  just back from bear cafe.  great early dinner.  appetizers.  mr. b has moved on to planet z (know what im sayin?)

so i'm sitting here in the dark trying to f*&%&ng blog.  sorry i've been rather absent.  i'm in the middle of a debate with myself over the ideas of obligation and expectation . . . i'm thinking that both are a crock.  we should not act out of either obligation or expectation.  instead we should be totally in the moment and take the next step based solely on the idea of right action.  obligation and expectation involve ego . . . we are obligated because big "I" is expected to do x y or z . . . but by whom???? the truth is it is the big "I" itself that requires the action.  we constantly revolve around me me me.  guess what?  me is an illusion.  me is a crock.  if you can see through to recognize me as an illusion, as nothing more than a construct, then suffering starts to melt away.  can i be put upon if "I" don't exist??  i don't think so.  and what of expectation??  the stuff of suffering.  if i realize that we are all the same, we are all one, one big whatever, tben i realize that "I" can't expect anything, of myself (huh?) or of anyone or anything else.  just exist.  now.  then breathe.  breathe. breathe.  and then look around.  what do we see? what is the next right action? take it.  not out of expectation, not out of obligation, but only out of a realization of right action.  nothing else.  this is the stuff of living.  be, live, learn, now.  namaste.  xxoo.

01/03/2008.  thursday.  good studio day today.  working on new glaz tests; trying to expand my glaze vocabulary a bit for the new year.  trying some lava glaze (very rough) recipes, plus expanding on my schatz matte colors.  good mottling effect on the layering of the glossy white over schatz matte . . . many of the more interesting 2007 glazes were schatz matte with an overlay of glossy white.  anyway, good day.  very cold here in woodstock.  shoveled snow, worked in studio.  that was pretty much the day.  now listening to reggae music on xm and writing blog in near darkness.  yesterday took bus into nyc and saw august - osage county.  was good, but not great.  suffered from a bit of over-hype in nyt.  in chelsea went to clamp gallery and bought a painting by our friend stuart klein (see link on links page).  bought "mario red green blue" from late last century.  afterwards learned it was featured in article in woodstock times in 1997.  very pleased;  sent link to my mom, she thought it looked like satan.  just looks pensive to me.  so starting out the new year anxious to make some art.  glaze tests part of the process; have to lay the foundation.  i'll keep you informed.  namaste.  xxoo

12/30/2007 sunday.  quiet day today.  mostly work work, but tried to have a good balance;  read the nyt, worked for a brief time in the studio.  about 4:30 now.  gets dark here in woodstock very early.  will be completely dark by five.  it's ok though, part of the cycle.  mr. b made a roast for dinner, which smells delicious.  crock pot king, that one.  tonight snow warning - 5 to 10 they are saying.  working on my glaze tests.  haven't gotten too far yet, but laying the groundwork.  studio maintenance you might say.  simone needs here beauty treatment.  skin is dry again, but still better than before.  probably watch episode two of 'the line of beauty' tonight.  about gay guy in thatcher's england;  good so far.  guy is cute.  otherwise trying to keep it fun and easy.  in the moment, as you know.  namaste to all!  xxoo.

12/27/2007  thursday.  i'm very hot.  no, literally.  i've got two layers on and sitting in front of the fire in woodstock.  snow outside, a bit crusty at this point, but snow nonetheless.  mr. b cooking chili.  great christmas;  fun with both mr. b's family and my own.  or should i say both our families??  anyway, lot of fun all around.  my niece and nephew are growing literally before our eyes.  six months; then seven years, then 35 then 50 . . . i'm very interested to see how my niece and nephew progress through life.  other than my brother, they are the first family i've known (or remember) literally from birth.  the whole process of growing up, so unsure, so frightened (at least in my case) and then slowly, imperceptibly, becoming more aware, more of a "self" (whatever that means, if anything).  fascinating.  i watch them from a safe distance and reflect on my own memories of childhood.  at seven??? well, of the many things i remember about first grade, besides loving our teacher mrs. winbush, the mid-year teacher strike and being afraid of fifth graders, was writing the date on my large rule paper.  to make the story dramatic it was of course the first day of school.  whether that is literally true or not i'll leave the the historians.  but i clearly remember writing SEPTEMBER (fill in the actual date) 1967.  and then the next thought  . . . .  wow.  what will i be like in 2000?  will i have kids?  where will i live?  i did the math and figured out i'd be 39.  THIRTY NINE.  WOW.  that's really old!  older than mom and dad.  what will i be like, what will i be doing.  so far away, so long in the future.  and then 200 came, and went.  and 2001, 2002, etc. etc.  so now here we are on the cusp of another year, another chapter (really probably just one, very short chapter actually).  but fun; or if not fun at least interesting, don't you think?  well, i wish everyone, all uf us, together, seperately, all for one, one for all, an interesting and fun new year.  a year from now we'll review and compare notes, shall we???  what will i be like in 2027? hmmmmmm.  we'll see soon enough (or not!!).  namaste.  xxoo 

12/24/2007 monday.  really late.  after 11.  listening to nancy wilson anthology . . . just finished cleaning kitchen from christmas eve festivities.  what a mess!  just about got it though.  tired.  ready for bed.  glad tidings to all and a merry merry xmas!  namaste. xxoo

12/23/2007 sunday.  almost forgot to blog today.  after 8pm.  updated new stuff and added old stuff 2007, since new year is approaching.  today low key.  a little bit of final gift shopping, cooking dinner, updating website, jogging.  typical stuff.  trying to remember not to separate daily life from art; every waking moment should inform, and be informed by your art.  period.  sometimes too easy to make art "special" (as in "isn't that special?!) when really it should be your minute to minute existence.  every moment, fully aware, learning being part of creation and reflecting it back.  that's all art is.  nothing more, nothing less.  sounds easy, huh?  but we all know it doesn't tend to work that way.  the more we try the easier it gets, and the more natural and true.  you guys are probably tired of listening to me talk about all this stuff, but i think it is important,  at least i do this moment.  tomorrow may be a different story.  anyway, namaste.  regards,  xxoo

12/22/2007 saturday.  late again, at least for me.  after 9.  blogging seeming to becoming a before bed activity, while journaling is first thing in the morning.  frames the day.  somewhat mistaken in yesterday's blog, i think.  to see death as loss is to cling to the idea of separateness - the ego staking it's claim to live as a separate entity for all time.  but of course this is pure fantasy.  we simply need to accept death as a part of life, and quit giving it some kind of special significance as an object of fear.  at least that's what i'm thinking today.  plus don't take my word on what buddhist philosophy says;  that's just my interpretation.  probably would have been better to just say it's what my gut tells me.  that's all.  nothing more.  anyway, great day together with mr. b.  some errands for the holiday, saw the bob dylan movie.  cate b. was amazing.  to bed now.  ta ta.  namaste.  xxoo

12/21/2007 friday.  i had one of those intense feelings this evening on the way home from b & j's - looking over at mr. b, had an overwhelming feeling of love and kinship.  i think those feelings are always intensified by the third glass of wine (oh really?!?) but still true.  i sometimes wonder if such thoughts aren't really a masked fear of loss . . .you realize in one split moment what you cherish so intensely will one day be gone.  one of us will succumb, and the other will be left with the memories. then we both will be gone, and perhaps remembered by others, maybe not.  inevitable i suppose, but somehow sad nonetheless . . . buddhist thought would teach us that all of this is temporal, not unlike wisps of smoke in the air.  real, yes, but fleeting.  beautiful both in its delicacy and, in some measure, in its transience.  and that should be ok. too much wine, no?  anyway,  all reinforces the need to live, love, experience now.  don't wait.  namaste!!  xxoo

12/20/2007 thursday.  oh my.  feels so late.  real time is just after nine-thirty pm.  just back from dinner with friends r & s - lots of fun.  s was feisty this evening.  already set up coffee service for tomorrow, donned my terry robe and taken out my contacts.   blogging last official act before bed, although i'm contemplating seeing what's on tivo.  stayed up way too late late night - had to catch project runway (last week's episode - didn't tape due to blackout).  so up past eleven.  then today was busy again with work work.  think we've about figured it out.  glad to report that christmas firing turned out well - the few quibbles i had with the results were minor.  note to ceramists - if you use my favored wax resist technique don't forget to exaggerate the wax line - the glaze tends to spread during firing, and i didn't pay attention to that fact on the m & d floral.  as a result got a bit of overlap in the glazes.  but otherwise good.  great news yesterday - my byrdcliffe pottery instructor meg oliver was selected as the cover for january issue of ceramics monthly.  meg is a true potter - great porcelain functional ware, with a beautiful sense of design.  anyway, very excited for her.  please check out the january ceramics monthly when you are in borders or barnes & noble.  that's all i have the energy for tonight.  namaste to all.  xxoo

12/19/2007 wednesday.  quite a day of work work; it's about 5:30 pm now, and had several "problems" that arose.  kept me in a bit of a manic mode for most of the day - tried to keep my sense of balance and not feel too rushed, but hard to do when you want to do a good job and feel that others are depending on you.  but in the grand scheme of things still pretty small potatoes.  eagerly awaiting results of christmas firing; still at about 120 celsius, and can't open the kiln until lower than 100.  i prefer to let it get even lower, since 100C is still the boiling point of water (oohh that's hot!), and i think it's just safer to let the work get closer to room temp.  i thought today i've probably made my last piece for 2007, and even though i know the year end / year beginning is really just a human construct, it does seem to be a time to look back and reflect on the progress made throughout the year.  when i started 2007, i still felt rather directionless in my artwork, and extremely insecure.  sometime around mid-year i had a minor epiphany, and decided that my best work would be whatever was most true to myself - no more worrying about what was "good" or "bad" - instead i would start focusing on what was true.  big big difference, mentally and, as it turns out, in the physical world as well.  i decided that whatever the "muse" (another construct, surely, but a helpful one) told me to make, i'd make.  as a result i felt an explosion of creativity the last half of the year.  more productive, more interested, more of everything.  i think in the old days it is what we would call a groove.  and boy is it groovy!  i'm feeling that my most recent work is indeed "true" or at least "truer" and as a result better.  so now i'm looking forward to 2008 with many many ideas in my head, and ready to get to work. i'm not looking forward too much, since that would mean i'm not living in the moment, right?  maybe taking that a bit too far.  anyway.  let's do it!  namaste.  xxoo

12/18/2007.  ahhhhhhhhh.  back on the grid after eight long days shivering in the cold and dark.  we have learned, hopefully, not to take our modern conveniences for granted.  did learn how to fix meals over the open flame, my best effort during the week  being baked halibut with a dried herbs and butter sauce, mustard greens and crowder peas with onions.  delicious.  another week and i'd have had enough for a cookbook.  as it is i'll stick with ceramics.  sorry to all my loyal blog readers for being absent for such a long time; be assured it was not due to anything other than the power outage.  but now i'm back and glad for it.  about to finish up christmas gifts and put them in the kiln today, where the kiln gods will take over.  just in time!!  it was going to be a bit of a thin christmas if the power hadn't come back (i.o.u's all around!)  but now looks like that fate is to be avoided.  yesterday had a few moments of clarity, driving to skiatook to m&d's to do a week's worth of laundry.  a great sense of peace and unity as i looked over the scarred landscape; no words, nothing more profound than driving along, but felt present in the now and unity with all things.  was nice to experience, however briefly.  had been concerned that i was spouting new age gobbledy gook without much effect.  but by keeping the concepts of presence and equanimity at my fingertips it's more likely that i will live that way, however sporadically.  plus it isn't that i won't be blue, or incoherent or stupid at times, but instead that i will recognize these moments as fleeting and separate from my core being, and by doing so be better able to pull myself back to center.  anyway, enough of that.  time to get to work!  lot's to do today.  namaste to all.  xxoo

12/9/2007 sunday.  morning now.  just finished a yummy rice flour pancake.  listening to acoustic breakfast on wdst.  fire flickering, ice on the trees. nice.  today i'm excited about taking responsibility to create a beautiful day.  fun, easy, interesting.  hoping to have a good studio day - one more christmas tile to go!  i'm hoping to have it completely done today.  going to church at 11:30.  yes, non-religious people go to church - they're called unitarians.  today's topic is "is your life an illusion?".  sounds very buddhist i think.  so should be interesting.  drop by party this evening.  probably skip exercise because of the weather.  or maybe not!  i'll live in the moment and just see what happens.  have a great day! namaste.  xxoo

 p12/08/2007 saturday.  it's late now, at least late for me.  after 10 pm.  mr. b has gone to bed, and dear miss simone has passed out on her bed of pillows.  almost didn't blog today - last night went out with l & s and had a nice conversation with mr. l - clear he was actually reading my blog, which i guess is the point (??).  anyway, he asked me why i was blogging, and i was caught between answers.  at first i wanted to make some grand statement about communicating with all of mankind; my next impulse was to say i was starved for attention and wanted to be noticed; but on reflection i don't think either of these is even near correct.  i think somehow i want to understand myself, and by extension life or living, or what any of that means . . . somehow writing makes me confront that, my fears i mean.  it somehow takes you outside yourself and makes you observe what is going on, rather than just blindly going through it unaware.  i think i just want to live right now.  be aware right now. hmm.  anyway, i think that's why i'm writing this.  at least that's my current narrative.  as i learn more i hope to make more sense.  namaste.  xxoo

12/7/2007 friday.  weird day today.  now around 5:30, waiting for l & s to come by for annual holiday dinner.  awoke late today, probably due to late night in studio followed by an ill-advised antihistamine.  allergies have been terrible lately.  after awaking went for a jog, then work work until s.t. arrived for late lunch and shopping.  mr. b off today, so we all tooled around utica square.  fairly good today at staying present and in the moment.  well, at least sort of ok.  whole day ran past in a whir.  now to melting pot with l & s, which should be a good time. never been.  no studio time today, which was a bummer, but at least got 5th christmas tile nearly done last night.  should have good studio day tomorrow.  namaste!

12/6/2007 thursday.  i've decided one of my major problems is that i have a constant, underlying feeling that i should be doing something else.  all the time.  no matter what i'm doing i am constantly questioning - in the studio?  perhaps i should be spending more time with mr. b.  working?  should really make studio time more of a priority.  should spend more time with friends - quit wasting time writing in that stupid blog - what about exercise?  that stupid little voice drones on and on and on.   very mild i admit, but insidious.  and harmful i think.  so i've decided to recognize this as a detriment to my well being and defeat it by recognizing that "me" is separate from my individual thoughts, i can look at them more objectively and determine their merit or demerit.  in this way they loose there power to control - instead i control my thoughts rather than my thoughts controlling me.  so this is my focus for today, to free myself from the constant living in the "should" and instead live now in the what is.  wish me luck! namaste xxoo

12/4/2007 tuesday.  no studio time yet.  almost 4 o'clock.  worked on work work today.  busy, but promised myself if i worked until 2:30 i could spend rest of day in studio.  so far ran errands, now back blogging.  gonna make it quick so i can get to work.  3 christmas tiles ready for kiln - 3 more to go.  whipping them out.  hope to do one per day.  so far so good.  faster than usual.  trying to keep from over-thinking design, colors, etc.  that's what slows me down, and usually i get better results when i get out of the way and let the muse have it's way.  namaste.  xxoo

12/3/2007 monday now.  skipped blogging yesterday intentionally.  i'd been using my journal writing as my blog, and decided it just wasn't a good idea.  i needed a more private space than this forum allows.  just the perception of being observed changes the nature of what was happening.  i read one time that this even happens on a subatomic level; the act of observing particles changes there behavior.  hard to believe in quarks; not so hard to believe in human beings.  so i'm giving my privacy back to myself.  in an odd place emotionally last two days no known reason, but a bit down.  trying to take the buddhist approach and separate myself from it, recognize that the feeling isn't me, and that it is a temporary phenomenon.  good couple of days in the studio.  trying to make some whimsical 6" tiles for christmas gifts.  two done so far.  pleased.  went into work this morning for meeting, and about to get started on project for work.  would rather be in studio, but these things are all part of the mix.  namaste xxoo

12/1/2007 saturday

ahhh. saturday.  not sure why saturday should hold any special feeling, especially since i mostly work from home, but it still holds a certain sway.  today the family came over and we all went to lunch then to the philbrook to see the festival of trees.  looked better the second time, i have to say.  very crowded.  it was fun to see the gingerbread houses with my niece; through the eyes of a child. my piece hadn't sold, which probably means it won't sell before the end of the festival tomorrow.  first time for that, but it's ok.  i've come to realize that i must do things that speak to me, irrespective if others get them or not.  it's all a process, mostly a conversation with the universe (if i can be a bit new agey) and trying to find my authentic voice.  was fortunate to get a bit of studio time in yesterday.  tonight we are off to j and v's wedding, then tomorrow hopefully a full studio day.  really blustery now, but not cold.  sweater was fine. so remember to learn from all experiences - no expectations, no judgments.  live fully in the moment. namaste. xxoo

11/30/2007 friday

keeping busy this week, with everything but studio work.  all needs to be done, but when i get in these situations i often wonder if there isn't some avoidance going on.  yesterday took several pieces down to brushworks for the christmas season - c & m going to rotate them into the gallery as space permits.  got my christmas postcards all done and ready to mail today.  had to mess with the microwave install - we got a bad maytag and i had to go find a replacement at sears that was in stock.  a bit of a hassle, but tried to keep in all in perspective.  second replacement is to be delivered and installed tomorrow.   so this morning trying to stay present - a bit off in this respect starting out - a little off the mark.  slightly ill at ease.  now is a good time to reach into my bag and pull out equanimity - remember that all of this is in my head, stand back and observe what is happening.  banish unreasonable fears - remember that in reality it is quite easy.  just need to act on that truth.  also, need to remember that being present and aware doesn't mean you won't have such feelings, just that you will be able to recognize them for what they are; a transient and rather unimportant wash over the brain that will soon be replaced with something else.  by recognizing it for what it is, it looses its power over you.  yes, that's it.  it derives its power from my belief in it, so when i am able to step back and see it clearly, it actually looks a little goofy.  so that makes me feel better almost immediately.  yeah!  ok, so remember to accept equanimity as a natural state.  cultivate it.  live within the beauty of life and participate in it.  life is fun and easy - right now.  no need to wait for some future event or thing or person.  it's all here within me right at this moment.  and what a great moment! namaste xxoo

11/29/2007 thursday

good morning.  i've decided to drop the word "atheist" from my personal description.  i think by using the word it's much too easy to fall into the "yes or no" mentality of most religionists - for us or against us.  i think the question of the existence of an external, devine being, in addition to being unknowable, is also irrelevant and frankly no longer very interesting.  should my actions in the now be any different based on the answer to this question?  i think not.  if i am living authentically in the now, my actions should be the same either way.  moral.  kind.  centered in the overwhelming joy of existence.  whether there is a god is really beside the point and distracting.  so i choose to eschew the question and move on.  life is too precious and time too valuable to engage in these debates, even with oneself.  i'll use my mind instead to learn how to live more authentically, full of joy, love and hopefully wisdom.  i call that time well spent.  yesterday got several errands done - today i'm hoping to take some work down to c & m's gallery.  last night r.c. came by and took const #1 (green) home on approval.  he's been so supportive - a good friend.  o.k. remember to drag yourself back into now if you start to stray.  no negative fantasies.  observe and learn.  remember the connectedness of all things.  equanimity! you are everything you need to be at this moment.  you have everything you require.  simply do the next right thing, fully present and aware.   create a day full of fun and wonder.  namaste xxoo

11/28/2007 wednesday

oh my - i'm not sure i've ever been so sleepy.  allergies acting up last night so took antihistamine.  they really knock me out.  but i'm on my 1st cup, which will hopefully bring me back to life.  blustery outside.  yesterday was a great day in which nothing much happened.  traveled back to t-town w/o incident.  took the ride back as an opportunity to reflect on mindfulness, and how my unease and anxiety (suffering in buddhist parlance) seems directly related to the illusion of separation from others and from all of life.  a tenacious belief system that gives rise to fear, jealousy , insecurity.  when i detach from these thoughts and actually cultivate a sense of connectedness to others, these negative emotions and thoughts subside, and i'm left with a sense (at least a greater sense) of joy and well being.  sometimes it's rather fleeting, but with practice it seems to be getting better and better.  learned the work equanimity yesterday - the ability of the mind to stay grounded an focused, able to observe and analyze situations w/o being caught up in them.  my paraphrasing.  this fits into what i've been describing as detachment.  i like the new word better.  so today i will continue to focus on equanimity, training and learning as i go.  should be fun.  since just back will have lots of errands today - stay focused and aware throughout.  remember the connectedness of all people, events, places, objects, things.  revel in the overwhelming bizarre experience of life.  you are exactly what is required at this moment.  enjoy!! namaste.  xx00

11/26/2007 monday

good morning.  monday.  guest are gone now - e went back to the city yesterday around 3.  loved having our friends up, but also love the quiet time alone.  today wet, overcast and mild.  cleaning today - always clean day before departure.  got extra dirty this trip w/ all  the activity.  i've done no artwork for 10 days, absent however much art points i want to attribute to website creation.  but that's ok.  know going in this trip would end up as a hiatus from making stuff.  now anxious for that to end - ready to begin anew.  think though that anxious may not be the best reaction - should be glad for respite and simply ready to move forward.  anxious implies ongoing for something different than what is - which doesn't seem very present to me.  most likely over-thinking though - seems a bit ott in the analysis dept.  so back to tulsa tomorrow and hopefully back in the creative routine.  nice long walk w/ e yesterday - all the way to reynolds lane and back.  she gave me her thoughts on art education etc.  as a working artist i find her insights both useful and interesting.  she talked about the possibility of doing both "safe" and "experimental" work - don't want to go there, at least not yet.  i need all my work to be straight from the muse - no exceptions.  i'm still getting my feet wet, and can't afford an overlay of commercial concerns to derail me.  so i'll keep it simple, and simply make art that speaks to me.  if others find it interesting great, but not really the point.  so remember today to be in the moment, easy and fun.. already to the end of page 2, which makes time to sing out.  namaste xxoo